The Second Sun - English

The Fear

A few days passed and Yoosung continued to go to the twins' house. He still felt strange, but there was something that comforted him a little, and that was that since that day on, Saeran had begun to respond to what he was telling him. Of course he didn't give very extensive answers, but short things like: "Yes, no, maybe, who knows, I don't think so, it can be, oh, um..." But even if it was only two or three words at most, he was happy that he was finally responding.

Yoosung didn't notice it, because he often got too much into the stories he told, but Saeran was constantly watching him. It should be stressed that he did so taking care of this. He didn't want Yoosung to see him watching him, because the last time he discovered it, he just ran away.

He hated to admit it, but he preferred to have him there talking instead of not having him at all.

It was for this reason that he was deeply disappointed when Yoosung stopped going to visit him.

Two weeks passed and Saeran knew nothing about him. Much to his dismay, he began to worry that something may have happened.

Did he get bored of him? Did he surrender? Was he going to leave him like Saeyoung did years ago? They weren't friends, they weren't connected by blood. There was no reason for him to stay, and think on the thousands of negative possibilities made his poor heart darken a little more. He had become accustomed to his voice and presence, so he felt some extra loneliness when he wasn't around.

The mysterious sensations didn't stop, so he decided to go to the kitchen for some ice cream. There, he found his brother looking for his usual bags of Honey Buddha Chips. As he continued to search, Saeran went to the freezer and took out the ice cream he planned to eat at first. He took a spoon and leaned against one of the furniture nearby.

He began to doubt whether it was a good idea or not, but curiosity and anxiety were winning...

He put a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth, and after savoring it, he looked at his brother.

"Your friend... What's wrong with him?" He asked quietly, looking away at the sudden interest in his twin's eyes. And how could he not be interested if it was the first time that his brother ever asked for something that wasn't about ice cream!

Saeyoung looked thoughtful for a few seconds, and decided it was a good time to play a joke on him.

"Zen? You know, busy with his rehearsals and works."

Saeran arched an eyebrow in disbelief as his brother did his best to contain his laughter.

"No, the other."

"Ah, Jumin! He's too busy stealing the love of my Elly..." He stammered in sobs.

"Idiot, I'm talking about Yoosung!! Yoosung!" He shouted angrily.

Saeyoung giggled at him for shouting "that" name, and walked slowly backward, pointing at him and covering his mouth with his other hand. Saeran, of course, imagined a nuclear war in which his brother and his silly jokes were crushed by a pile of atomic bombs —ice cream atomic bombs—.

He had put another spoonful of ice cream in his mouth when his twin came down the hall, only showing his head.

"Anyway, I haven't heard much from him. He must be busy gaming or in college."

Saying this, he retired again in silence.

Saeran continued to eat his ice cream while he sighed heavily.

"He probably noticed the crap I am... And left."

Even he believed that having those thoughts was ridiculous, since he would probably see Yoosung again in the future at some of the RFA meetings. Although if he thought about it well, if Yoosung had decided to stop visiting him, he would probably ignore him when that moment came too. A sudden sadness invaded him at the thought, and decided to fill that emptiness with more ice cream.

Another week passed, and Saeran already had his room full of empty ice cream containers everywhere. Needless to say, those were all used to "fill that void" in the chest —or his stomach—. He hated feeling this way... But luckily, and just as at first, he could find some peace looking at the sky.

He felt the door of his room open and assumed that it was his brother bringing more ice cream. He had asked him some before he left, since he was "forbidden" to go out on his own. But it wasn't like that. A rather familiar voice greeted him, and as soon as he heard the first letter being spoken he turned to see it almost by reflection.

Yoosung was back.

Saeran couldn't take the surprise off his face. He didn't expect him to come back... The blond boy didn't notice and began to walk inside the room closing the door behind him. The younger twin couldn't help but rise to his feet, and when Yoosung turned to look at him he felt somewhat intimidated. He was looking straight at him and only one meter away.

Saeran began to approach slowly, and for every step forward, Yoosung backed one too, fearful of what could happen.

His gaze was intense and he didn't know how to interpret it.

From one second to the next, Saeran began to approach quicker, so the blonde was frightened and tried to flee. However, Saeran was faster and managed to place his arm blocking the door, leaving his visitor cornered against the wall.

Yoosung panicked and began to shiver intensely, unable to take his gaze away from those intense mint eyes.

"Ah... I... —He began to stutter— I didn't want to bothe...!"

"Where were you?" He interrupted.

"...Eh?"

"Why did you come back? I thought you wouldn't."

At this, Yoosung was perplexed. He was still nervous, but there was something more important occupying his mind at that moment. He decided to leave that thought in the background, believing that if he simply answered the questions he would calm him down.

He cleared his throat and tried to look into his eyes, but failed and had to look away.

"I had many exams, and there were also many events at LOLOL... I didn't have time to come until now."

"I see."

After hearing this, Saeran returned to his place by the window and continued to watch the sky. Yoosung watched him silently from the doorway, and after thinking for a couple of minutes, decided to ask something he couldn't get out of his head.

"You... were you mad because I didn't come?"

He got no response, and felt like he was repeating a comic routine.

He sighed, walked to the chair by the desk and sat on, looking at Saeran. Like the previous times, he began to talk about everything he had done in college for his exams. He then proceeded to talk about his beloved LOLOL and the fierce battles he lived throughout the event. He was absorbed in commenting on a battle to death he had the night before when Saeran interrupted him.

"I wasn't mad."

"Oh?" He murmured in confusion.

"I was afraid... That's all —he confessed—. You can continue."

"It's okay..."

He tried to get back to the subject where he had left off, but now he couldn't stop thinking about what Saeran had just said. It was the first time Saeran spoke directly to him, looking at him and to top it off, telling him things he felt. It was the first time he was being honest with him.

He felt a little strange, but he liked it that way. He felt that he could become someone of trust for someone else who really needed him, and that made him happy.

Besides... Saeran was special.

Who would have thought he would confess being afraid? At least he never imagined it.