memoirs of a depressed teenager

good enough

so a list of my insecurities
that make me scared
of being abandoned
because when I look in the mirror

I do not see beauty
instead I see everything wrong
all the angles and none of the curves
all the harsh lines
all the imperfections that make me
want to puke at the sight of my own image
thighs the size of Africa
and breasts the size of grapes
eyes that look wonky
and under-eyes like a mid-life crisis

and I never know when to shut up
god do I never stop talking
I just talk and talk and talk
and open up
to all the wrong people
I have been abandoned
so may times
I don't want you to be another
and I always make mistakes
it's like I'm unable to make the right choices
and my poems
god my poems
my poems are so bad if they were written on paper
they would probably be more use burning
than reading

and I eat too much

sometimes I feel like a pig
because I order a double cheeseburger
and fries
along side a large sprite

when I should have ordered a salad

I'm always so paranoid
and over-protective
because I'm scared you'll leave
like everybody else
but I'm glad you care
because I believe you
but I'm scared that one day
you won't care
that you can't be bothered to put up
with my endless bullshit
but this is the short list
my list of insecurities
is so much longer
than a list of words

that doesn't even cover
half the problems I face
every time I don't want to get up in the morning
but that's okay
there's always another poem