It's What Matters on the Inside | ✓

Scars of my past

Nathaniel sighed and I could just see it in his eyes how nervous he was. He knew I was right, and I didn't really know if Nathaniel and I were even a thing or would ever be a thing, but I sure did hope we could be.

"Okay," he spoke after that long moment of silence, "Yore right. We shouldn't keep secrets from the other we love."

That took me off by surprise because I wasn't expecting him to admit that. Nathaniel actually loved me?

He took a seat on my bed, even though his pants were covered in paint and patted the spot next to him for me to sit. I complied and took a seat next to him, even though I too was also soaked in paint.

"Well," he cleared his throat as he began, "You remember clearly the alley incident correct?"

I nodded, "Yeah," duh, I so badly wanted to add, but I restricted my tongue.

He sighed, "I wasn't exactly just roaming the streets of Paris at night because I wanted some fresh air," he admitted, "I was actually on my way to see someone."

I raised an eyebrow at this; Nathaniel was seeing someone at night? "What do you mean you were seeing someone?"

He didn't answer right away, instead he stared down at his lap for a moment as he probably contemplated on what to say to me next.

Then he looked up at me, and for the first time ever, I was able to recognize plain fear in his eyes, "You have to swear-"

"Okay, okay, blah, blah, I won't tell anyone." I interrupted because I knew that's what he was going to ask. He probably didn't even trust me with this so called 'secret' anyway.

No one trusted me.

He sighed again, "Well, um, those guys who I said were 'following' you were actually the people I was meeting."

My eyes widened slightly, "You were meeting a bunch of....a bunch of thieves?"

"They're not thieves," he sighed again, bringing his hand up to rub his forehead, "They were selling me some stuff."

That's when my eyes widened all the way; this was one of those deja-vu moments I never wanted to encounter again, "You're......you....you bought drugs from them. Didn't you?"

Nathaniel went silent and that's when I knew I had hit the jackpot. He was buying drugs.....drugs from some men? "Why are you doing that?" I had to ask because I liked him, and he was buying drugs; he could go to jail for that kind of felony, "You could get sent to prison you know. Why?"

I didn't want to cry, not in front of him but the tears began to spill beyond my control, "Do you want to get sent to jail? Is that it?"

He continued to stay silent and that's what really bugged me the most, "Please don't do it Nathaniel; do you know what will happen if-"

"I cut the deal off," he cut me off as he finally looked up at me to catch my eyes, "I cut all chords between me and the dealers when I ran into you that night. That's why I was going to go meet them."

I wiped my eyes and raised my eyebrow in surprise, "You....you cut the deal?"

"I cut the deal." He reassured with a soft smile, "I think it's time I leave that lifestyle; ever had a parent who wished you were like them?"

That was a drastic change of topic and it took me off by surprise. My eyes widened even further and I wiped my eyes again, "Uh, yeah, my father actually."

"Figured." Nathaniel nodded, "My father does what I do, well did. He wanted me to be like him; a drug dealer."

If my eyes could widen any further then they might've popped out of their sockets, "You're father is a drug dealer? Wha--?"

"It's okay to be surprised," he chuckled, "No one would suspect anything like that from me or my family, which is why I kept it a secret."

"It's just-" all this new information about Nathaniel was hard to believe. Especially with his reputation of being a shy, isolated kid at school, "I never thought you'd be like-" I gestured my hands to him, "-this."

He looked at himself and chuckled, "So all of me?"

"You know what I mean." I actually smiled, and when my lips curved upwards, it was an amazing feeling I hadn't felt in awhile.

"You know Chloe," Nathaniel started as he scooted closer to me on the bed. However, this time, I didn't scoot away, "You have a beautiful smile. You know that?"

"I do now," I giggled and for once I had a reason to; Nathaniel made me feel happy, and I hadn't had a reason to feel happy ever since my mother. He was changing me for the better. Thank you."

His eyebrow twitched upwards, "For what?"

I smiled and pulled him in for a hug; his shocked expression was wiped away as I buried my head into his chest and whispered, "For sharing your scars with me."