Adam&Audrey

The Final Rule: You Spin My Head Right Round, Right Round

[disclaimer; the Rules were found off Facebook, aka they are not written by me but they did inspire this story and all ;)]

The Final Rule: You Spin My Head Right Round, Right Round

I lay there, chest heaving up and down, still in a daze. Damn. That was… well, there were no words for it.

Working out was really the most uplifting feeling in the world. I should be doing more of this.

Well, I had… last night.

A smile on my face, I stepped into the shower, eyeing the used condom in the wastebin. Still grinning at the thoughts invading my head, I quickly washed up and was rubbing my head with a towel in front of the mirror when Audrey knocked on the door.

“Dude, I ordered pizza. Want some?” Her mouth sounded full, and I slung open the door to see a slice of pizza suspended half out of her mouth as she raised an eyebrow. A woman who treats me to pizza for breakfast and gives me the best night of my life… hot damn.

She must’ve seen where my thoughts were headed because her eyes lit up and she swallowed the last bit of her food. “Or we could…”

I didn’t let her finish her sentence as I slung her over my shoulder, nipping her hip as she squealed. The light on our blinking phones read a ton of missed calls, texts, and death threats. But as I stared down at the figure looking at me evilly from my bed, I ignored it all.

Kids, never miss breakfast. It’s the best… meal of the day.

THE GUY RULES

At last a guy has taken the time to write down all this. Finally, the guy’s side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible , Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what’s wrong and you say ‘nothing’, we’ll act like nothing's wrong. We know you’re lying, but it’s just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football, cars, bikes or games.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, you’re going to lock me out of your room (and mine) so I have to sleep on the couch tonight. But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

P.S. I love you, Audrey Michelle West.

P.P.S. The rules do help you get a guy, ladies ;) And vice versa :P

 

I clicked ‘Send’, and not five minutes later, a high-pitched scream destroyed my eardrums.

“Adam freaking Finch! You are so dead!”

The only thing I could do was sit back and smile. Yep. I was freaking in love with her.

 

THE END