Life's a Gem

6.G Future Plans

The sun lowers itself slowly as it creeps along the sky before us. 

Time no longer matters to us as we hold each other on the front steps. 

Cars streak by, some slowing down to look at us and take pictures. People can be creeps sometimes; they just don't ever let you have a private moment to yourself anymore. 

Her warm body radiates into my hoodie and scorches my sensitive skin. Sam sniffles and leans away from me while she slightly pushes my arm off of her shoulder and sides. 

She gets up and stretches. 

The popping of her bones and ligaments pierce the air like defective firecrackers in a factory. 

She puts her hands to her sides and sighs. 

A long huff crawls out of her mouth as slowly as a snail with a cement shell.

 "Alright, let's go." 

Sam dusts off her jeans and looks at me. 

"Didn't you hear me? I said come on."

  What? 

How can she be so calm after I said that to you? 

We only spent, like, an hour being depressed! 

"Sam, how can you be so calm?" 

She shakes her head and tilts her hands to do a "I don't know" expression. 

"I guess I figured out that Doyle wouldn't want us to mope around after he died. If he did, he wouldn't have died. Now, would he?" 

What? 

That doesn't even make sense. 

Everyone dies sooner or later; that's just life and nature. 

You know what? 

Sam logic, screw it. 

Sam logic is just when something that Sam says is so deep or dumb it can't be explained. 

In this case, it's both.

I nod my head and begin to raise myself up off the steps. She pats the dust off of my pants and looks at me before cocking her head towards the street. 

"You know, I bet he would want us to smile, too." 

She smiles her award winning smile. 

"You can even fake it if you don't feel like smiling at the moment." 

Believe me, he does that everyday. 

You don't even know, do you? 

I force a smile and show my teeth to her. She seems pleased with this as we continue to down the sidewalk. 

"Where are we going, Sam?" 

"Your house, of course." 

Well, I guess that's okay. 

We continue walking in silence. I suspect that Sam hasn't gotten over the situation yet, so I'll just shut up for now. 

Sam looks at me unexpectedly, "I don't want you doing anything stupid and reckless." 

"What?" 

"You heard me. I don't want you hurting yourself." 

Does she know what I did last night?

 She can't, I threw away the bottle and everything! 

"I know how it feels like to be hurt and torn apart. I know how easy it is to want to feel something rather than what you feel inside. I know how easy it is to just drown yourself in something else. But," she stops me and turns me to face her, "you have to be strong. Do you hear me?" 

Do I hear you? 

I hear you, I just don't want to. 

I mean, I'll just waste your time and get hurt anyways. 

It's all pointless, really. 

"Yeah, I hear you, Sam." 

She smiles and lets me go, "Good, you haven't been hurting yourself, right?" 

I pause, think about the whiskey, the puking, and the hangover. 

"No, I haven't." 

Sam nods at me, "Okay, that's good. I thought so." 

She pats my back and we continue walking down the sidewalk of lies and deception.

Sam pipes up as soon as the awkwardness and silence creep up on us. 

"So, guess what's happening tomorrow!"

 I blankly look at her, "Come on, guess!"

 "Um, I don't know, another moon landing?" 

"No." 

"New penguin exhibit at the zoo?" 

"No." 

"The resurrection of the mammoths?" 

Sam tilts her head upwards and groans, "Ugh, no! Max, you're not even trying!" 

She runs forward and stops a little ways ahead of me, "No, Max, imagine. Imagine the one place where kids like us can go to eat all the food we want, drink till we puke, and have a fun time we'll later regret!" 

"I don't think we're old enough to go to a bar." 

Sam rolls her eyes, "No, the carnival is coming to town!" 

She gives me some jazz hands while doing a sad excuse for a fanfare with her mouth. The passing carnival always comes to our town before its yearly circulation is over. We're the last town on its list, so we always get the bottom of the barrel. We get the stale caramel apples, the hard cotton candy, the dead goldfish, and the defective stuffed animals nobody wants. 

Yet, Sam and I have been going to that carnival ever since I can remember. I guess that's just a piece of us that we don't want to let go of yet. Maybe we won't ever let go of that, ever.

 "Huh, I guess you're right. Another year at the carnival with you, huh? Just you and me; the old duo at it again with the shenanigans at the carnival!" 

I walk past her and she catches up to me. 

The day slowly wanes as Sam explains what we'll do this year. 

"Then, we'll get some of those delicious caramel apples that are stale to perfection!" 

She kisses the air and blows it a kiss with her palm. 

"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fun. It'll just be us, right?"

 Sam looks at me with a sheepish smile. 

"Well, you see, no. I invited some others to go with us." 

We reach thee neighborhood; our houses are within a stone throws away. "Really now? May I ask who?" 

"Sure, why not? I just invited Kevin and Alex to go with us. Before you say anything, they've already said yes without your prior knowledge or consent." 

Kevin...and Alex. 

Kevin, I'm completely fine with, but Alex? 

I have this deep feeling in my stomach that causes it to bubble up and give me acid reflux that claws at my throat. 

I feel like she wants to be more than friends with me. I'm not sure how to feel about that. 

What if she wants to settle down and have kids with me? 

I'm not ready for that! 

I'm not ready to have kids with a friend that I don't like in that way!

 I-I-I- I can't breathe! 

I feel faint! 

I-I feel— 

"Okay, that's cool with me. Just tell me next time, Sam." 

Sam gives me a thumbs up and stops in front of my house.

Sometimes, I feel like imploding on myself.

But that's all the time.