HOSEOK
hi yoongi !
YOONGI
hi
HOSEOK
how was work today ?
YOONGI
it was alright ,
as usual
HOSEOK
are you alright ?
HOSEOK
you seem a
bit down today
YOONGI
yeah , i'm
perfectly fine
YOONGI
i guess i'm
just tired
i'm not, i rushed home to avoid work as much as i could...i didn't want you to worry...i'm sorry for lying hoseok...
HOSEOK
well, i'm kinda busy
right now so i'll
talk to you later
HOSEOK
bye
YOONGI
bye , i love you
bye , I love|
bye , I|
bye
i just couldn't say it , no matter how much i wanted to , i couldn't. i hate myself so much , i don't even have the courage to confess to him, having known him for two years already.
+
i lied to yoongi , i didn't have anything to do at all. truth be told , i lied everytime he was feeling down , i just felt like a burden to him , like he didn't need me at all , like i'm completely useless.
i just laid on my bed for the rest of the day, staring blankly into the white walls of my room.
i was hesitant at first, but i then took the knife again , cutting through my wrist filled with past wounds and scars. tears filled my eyes as i felt the pain onto my skin. it hurts so much. i hated myself even more.
i'm sorry hoseok...i didn't mean to do this...i-i just can't control myself...i feel like dying even more and more...
+
after a few hours,
i decided to give him a call.
"hello ? yoongi ? i'm done with my work , so i guess i'd call to see if you're alright."
"oh , i'm alright , just a little tired..."
"i think you should get some rest,
i guess I'll text you later.
goodnight , sleep tight."
"yeah , some sleep should help, thanks , i'll text you later."
+
i was glad he was taking care of himself , he hadn't been well for a few days.
i lied again...i couldn't sleep with so many things on my mind...
my insomnia is just getting worse, i guess i need to take my sleeping pills. which i never once did. the orange bottle of pills just stood behind the doors of the cupboard , untouched.
i just kept hurting myself
to the extent that i would just cry for hours for no reason.
i had enough.
i can't take it anymore.
i don't want to be
in this miserable world.
i just want to disappear.
