いう
SAY
hoseok
i opened my eyes, only to find myself on one of the tall seats of the bar. i rubbed my eyes as i felt my dry throat burnt by alcohol. i suddenly felt sick. i began throwing up on the floor uncontrollably.
i walked out of the bar unbalanced. i wobbled to the side everytime i took a step. i hated myself.
why did i become this drunk ?
what will yoongi think of me ?
i fished my phone out of my pocket. 12 missed calls. all from yoongi. fuck. i messed up again. i just left him there like i just didn't give a fuck. i just confessed to him a few days ago and now i'm leaving him alone. what kind of person would do that ? no one. only someone like me.
+
yoongi
my feelings grew. they grew more and more. to the extend that i wanted out even more. i didn't want to be in this miserable world anymore. i was distracted by hoseok to realise how cruel this world actually is. hoseok was my lifesaver, but not anymore.
he didn't deserve me. i was just a pathetic person just waiting for his death. i lied to hoseok for who knows how many times. i knew him for a long time, but i never told him about my depression. i can never forgive the times where i just lie to him, but instead, made him worry more.
the truth. it hurts. more than what i did to hurt myself, the cuts and bruises on my arms and legs. i felt worse.I couldn't control myself anymore.I felt like dying even more. i'm sorry hoseok. you don't deserve me. find someone better than me. you'll be better off without me...
i took the knife, forcefully stabbing myself. i saw a pool of blood in front of me. i didn't regret it at all. i started spitting out blood. i cried...and cried...and cried. i felt unconscious.
goodbye...
+
hoseok
i was drenched from the rain. it was morning already. i rushed to yoongi's house. i was fucking worried. i couldn't have just left him there.
"yoongi, open the fucking door !please !" i cried out loud. but i didn't hear anything. yoongi would open the door but he didn't. i felt cold sweat run down my head. what the fuck happened to him?
i couldn't wait any longer. it was too long. yoongi would always open the door for me. no matter what. i tried to balance as i stood up, kicking the door numerous times. i needed to save yoongi. i can't give up.
finally, the door budged. i rushed into his house. i ran to his bedroom. the anxiety felt grew...and grew....and grew...
i stopped into my tracks. i knelt down in front of yoongi. i saw him in a pool of crimson blood. his blood stained clothes, skin, everything. i saw a knife. stabbed right into his stomach. i felt like throwing up, but instead i just hugged the motionless body, crying endlessly.
i wished. i wished so hard that this was all a dream. yoongi mustn't die. he must stay alive. i tried convincing myself that he was still alive. the more i did, the more pain i felt.
the truth hurts. what am i going to do now ? how am i going to live ? yoongi is gone. gone. from this world. forever.
