An Unusual Summer (BxB)

Chapter 4

Ryan's P.O.V.

I stand near the door motionless until Aiden disappears upstairs. I slowly walk towards the couch.

That Aiden guy was totally checking me out some moments ago. But he is so supposed to be straight as he said so. Yesterday when we were in his room and I stood next to him near the window, he looked awkward and today while I was wrapping his knees, I am sure he was feeling uncomfortable. And now he looks at me in a very weird way and after pulling me away he almost runs upstairs. It's not like I was going to kiss him or anything. I am gay but that doesn't mean I am going to hit on him...Wait, does he already know that I am gay? His father knows. Did he tell him or didn't he?

Aiden seems nice but it's not like I feel anything for him. No, absolutely not. I also don't know him. I don't know him at all. So, it would be very wrong to even think there is going to be something between us and he also said he was straight. I think that's it.

I lie on the couch and think all these but still some thoughts keep bugging me.

Aiden's P.O.V.

I close the door behind me and walk towards the bed. I inhale deeply and I shiver looking at my knee. There was more blood...It's not like I am not used to blood but it really hurts. Everything was fine and I almost forgot how it feels to get hurt. Now the cut reminded me how it felt and I remember everything again, all the things that I want to forget though some of the signs are still there but everyday I try not to look at them. It is difficult though.
I shouldn't have acted so weird. I have no idea why I pushed him away. I am such a stupid to think he was going to kiss me and I don't even know if he is gay or not. But I think there are reasons. I don't want to be anyone's toy anymore. I don't want anyone to throw me away after they are done with me.

Jane saw the scars that made their way down my stomach from my chest and left me two months ago. Again I was thrown away because I wasn't a good toy to play with but I think I loved that girl. See? I am straight.

My chest is scarred for life I think. Both the outside and the inside.

I cut it really deep, I remember. It was bleeding steadily and he looked at me with fear in his eyes and I smirked at him. The blood that came out of the wound was bright red. That was the first time I succeeded to scare him. For the first time in my life a pain relieved me.

We all do mistakes and all those were some small mistakes that I am not going to make again.

I think I have to spend the rest of the afternoon in my room. I feel so embarrassed and I don't think I can face Ryan now.

This room is small and the bathroom is like 10 steps away. I don't have the strength to hold my leg up but I get down from my bed anyway and walk towards the bathroom though it hurts to walk on it.

I look at myself in the mirror and pull up my shirt, a little up my belly button. This part of my body is stronger than anything else. A line which is puffy and red sticks out a little. Once there was blood and it was my pleasure. This scar is the memory which brings back every bad feelings but at the same time gives me pleasure...a lot. I look down at the sink. Once there was blood all over the same sink...

-----------------------------

It's not like I was going to spend rest of the weeks in my room upstairs. I had to come down at some point and here I am. I am sitting right across Ryan and eating slowly without any sound. Both of us are quiet. As the silence slowly becomes painful for me, I clear my throat and look at Ryan. "I am sorry for today morning. I was a bit upset. This place brings back memories." I say honestly.

Ryan seems to understand. "I don't know what memories you're talking about but it's okay."

I nod and concentrate on eating while he gets up and takes his dishes to the sink.

"I'm going out. I'll be back soon." He smiles standing near the wooden shelf and I stare blankly at him.

"Come on...leave me!" I pleaded as he pressed me against the shelf. Some of the books fell on the floor and I screamed, "Dad! Where are you?"

Flashbacks are in italics.