HUMAN

Chapter Twelve

The Less I Know The Better – Tame Impala 

*** 

They climbed the development's gates, with the help of a ladder that they found on the way there. Once inside they stopped a couple of the dead, but the area was cleared pretty quickly. The first house was locked, so they climbed through a window. It took them into a bedroom, which looked like it belonged to a teenager. Avi went in first and then helped Kirstie get in once he knew the room was safe. They scanned the room once more.

"Oh my God! What are the chances? The first house we enter..." Kirstie said, as she stared at the poster on the wall.

"Oh! Rock and roll! They were a fan. Hey, look at that! It's signed too," he said. 

The poster on the wall was from their 2016 world tour. The photo used was taken on set of their Can't Sleep Love music video shoot. Kirstie took a second to soak this surreal moment in. She could remember that day like it was yesterday. That morning, Jeremy made her breakfast in bed AND gave Olaf a bath before she went to set. She remembered picking out her clothes with Candice. Her and Mitch had so much fun trying on about a dozen different outfits, before deciding on their final looks. They sent countless Snapchats to Jeremy from the dressing room, making ridiculous poses in every single one. He only sent her one snap back. It was just of he and Olaf cuddling on the couch, but it was enough to leave her swooning. She thought about how great that day was. Shooting that music video was emotional, as it felt like a real milestone in their careers. She remembered how blessed she felt to have such a great, handsome boyfriend and awesome friends in her life.

"Do you think we'll ever see any of our friends and family again?" Kirstin solemnly asked.

"I don't know. Maybe, maybe not," he answered. "But I think about them every day." 

"I think about my mom every day. I miss her so much," Kirstie said. 

"I know Kirstie," he said. 

"I miss Jeremy too," she said with a sigh. 

"I'm sure he's at home in California missing you too," Avi reassured.  

She paused before speaking, "I don't think so... he would not have missed his flight. I know he was on that plane. I just.... I feel it."

"You never know," Avi said. "He could still be out there, keeping your puppies safe, and missing  you terribly."

She smiled and turned her head up to look at him.  

"Can I ask you something," Kirstie asked, then paused while Avi looked up at her and nodded. "Why are you being so nice about him?" 

"What do you mean," he responded. (He knew exactly what she meant.) 

"You hated him. We used to spend so much time together, you and I. The minute I started dating him, you shut me out. You dropped me out of your life until... it was like we were just work acquaintances. That stung. I mean, you even unfollowed my twitter. Subtle." 

"That wasn't... no I didn't hate him. I just didn't really know him," he defended. 

She cut him off, "Because you never tried to." 

The moment she said that he looked like a deer in headlights. He took a deep breath. 

"I don't know if I can be candid about this without us both being incredibly uncomfortable," he insisted. "I-I avoided the topic for three years Kirstie." 

"Look at us. Look at where we are right now. What could we possibly lose by being brutally honest for once in our lives?" She answered. 

He looked deeply concerned. He knew he couldn't argue with that.  

"I was happy for you. I wanted you to be happy. I just didn't want to see... that. It was difficult for me.... back then of course," he struggled to say.

Kirstie furrowed her eyebrows. She was taken aback.  

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I didn't unfollow you or stop texting you because I stopped caring about you. That was... that's impossible. I..." He looked at her eyes for a brief moment, but had to look away before they completely bewitched him. "There was a reason I cut you out of my personal life and it was never to be malicious or spiteful. I promise." 

"So why then?" She asked, in a frustrated tone. 

"I was... at that point, I was confused. I started dating someone else and it didn't seem right. It didn't come as easily with her. I came to a realization about my true feelings because of that. But, I was just trying to do the right thing. I was deeply infatuated with my pretty, young coworker... which I knew couldn't end well. It was inappropriate and unprofessional." 

She gulped, staring at him all doe-eyed and flustered for about a minute straight. She realized how long it had been that she was silent and decided to lighten the mood by saying something facetious. She mumbled, "Mavi is real?" 

"Kirstin!" His jaw dropped, but he chuckled. "I'm laying my heart out on the line here and you're making jokes?" 

She spoke seriously this time, "I'm sorry. I'm just... shocked. I never thought I would hear you say that. You know... I'm not stupid. I figured you had a thing for me back then, but you never said anything. I... to be honest, I might've had a crush on you back then too. But, I got over it. I figured that you would say something if that was what you wanted."

"I wanted to be respectful. I just... if Jeremy made you happy, who would I have been to get in the way of that? It wasn't my place. But, once it got to the point where you made your relationship public... You would post coupley photos with him and all of the fans would go crazy over how cute you two were together. Then the engagement... it just became painful."

She was shocked by that. Painful. She couldn't believe she had the capacity to do that to anyone. She didn't want to accept it. She had a realization and it made her feel nauseous.

"Is that why you were leaving us?? How dare you put that on me," she yelled. "I was genuinely happy, but you still could've told me how you felt instead of shutting me out like I meant nothing to you. Do you know how upset I was about that? How hurt I was? I couldn't look at you for a month. I could barely be around you when you unfollowed me without wanting to yell and cry every time I saw your face. That was mean and selfish, Avi... and was I just supposed to dump a guy who actually told me he loved me and tried to make me happy because you may have had a crush on me at some point in time? How is that fair or even fucking logical!?"

He was shocked by her outburst, but couldn't help but realize that she was right. Pushing her away like that was wrong. He softly answered, "I'm... I'm really, really sorry." 

She looked at his saddened expression, she looked back at him with pursed lips and heavy eyes.  

She reassured him, "No...I... ok, here's the deal. Let's just say it was complicated. It-it really can't matter here, not any more."

He put his hand on her shoulder and they smiled at each other, just a small kind smile. They went back to their mission of scavenging food and supplies. It took them five hours to go through about six different houses. They soon realized that their bags were packed to maximum capacity and it was time to get going. They climbed back over the fence and left the development. Since the development was located near water, they decided to take advantage of it. They were covered in blood and guts. It would probably be a good idea to clean up a bit  while they could find clean water.

***

"Oh my love, can't you see yourself by my side? I don't suppose you could convince your lover to change his mind. I was doing fine without ya, 'til I saw your face, now I can't erase."