Melt your headaches call it home {Ryden}

Chapter 8: fighting the silence away

{BRENDON POINT OF VIEW}
Ryan and I are cuddling on my couch. We have been together 2 weeks. He still barely talks. But that's understandable.

"ry?" I asked quietly unsure if he was Was awake OR Just silent.

He looked up at me. His eyes looked tired. He looked as if he hadn't had a good nights sleep in a week. Which is incredibly likely for him.

"You Okay" i asked
He nodded and rested his head on my chest

"Ryan are you okay?" I asked a second time and once again receiving a simple not.

"How are The voices?" I asked quietly

"Fairly quiet" Ryan mumbled
~~~
A couple hours later I woke up. Ryan Was sound asleep in my arms.
He looked so peaceful when he was asleep but it's more than likely the voices wanted him to kill himself.

I worry about him a lot. 

~~
Ryan woke up, finally.
"Ry You Okay?" I ASKED concerned

This time it I was answered m Ryan adjusting himself so he could cry into my shoulder.

"What's up ry?" I asked

"Suicidal thoughts" he mumbled.

I hugged him tightly. 

"Bren.." he mumbled quietly

"Yeah, Ryan" I asked

"Can I have a blade of sorts? I need to quiet the voices" He said.

"Please no" I said  hugging him tighter

"Brendon. I know you hate me hurting myself but please! I can't handle the voices" Ryan cried.

"Ry... Last time you were able to get them to calm down without hurting yourself. Please love i don't want you to damage your beautiful body any more" I said.

He laid his head down on my chest. And sighed deeply. Still crying.
I stroked the back of his head.
He was still holding on to my shirt tightly as he started to relax a little.
~~~
He's been fading in and out a lot. If he hurts himself and pleases the voices he doesn't fade out but if he doesn't hurt himself he fades out and doesn't say a word. Sometimes i can't even get him to answer a text. I worry about him. .
~~
I was half asleep, with Ryan sound asleep with his head on my chest..
I heard the front door open and I knew my mom was home.
"Hey Brendon" she said when walked in
"Hey mom." I said quietly
"Is Ryan going to eat dinner with us?" She asked.
"I would assume so"I said.
Ryan suddenly flinched in his sleep and woke up having a panic attack.
I hugged him and tried calming him down.
~~~
{RYAN POINT OF VIEW}
When I finally got my life together from my panic attack. I had a migraine and my head was plagued with suicidal thoughts. Not even the voices I was downright suicidal.
I looked over at Brendon had his loving eyes.
I sighed I needed Advil. But I didn't feel like speaking and I think Brendon could tell he only asked me questions I could respond to by simply nodding my head.
"Hey Ry.. You Okay?" HE asked
I nodded my head.
"Headaches? Yes or no"
I nodded once again.
"Do You Want Advil?" He asked
I nodded.
He called for his mom to come into the room which made me flinch. I hate when people shout.
He looked over at me
He wrapped his arms around me "I'm sorry Ry I didn't mean to startle you" Brendon spoke.
I nodded Kissing his chin so he would know I wasn't mad at him.
His mom walked into the room.
"Yeah Brendon? You know you could have come to me instead of shouting" she said
"Whatever. Shouting is less effort. Anyway Ryan has a migraine can you bring him some Advil?" Brendon asked
"Yes. I'll be right back. And Brendon next don't shout. Yelling doesn't go over well with migraines" his mom explained

Oh yelling doesn't go well with migraines try having te the yelling in your head. Try never having silence!
Try being screamed at to kill yourself all the damn time

Brendon's mom gave me Advil and told us dinner would be ready in 45 minutes.

~~~
Without saying anything I climbed onto Brendon's lap. Put my arms around his neck and started kissing him slowly.
It was a passionate make out session.
Brendon started working his way down my neck.
I let out a small whimper.
He found my weak spot and gentle sucked it. I hade to bite my lip to keep from moaning. I didn't want his mom to find walk in on us.

"Brendon" I said quietly.

He stopped and pulled away to look up at me.
"Yeah Ryan ?" He asked confused?

"Never mind" I said

I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Do dallon and spencer hate me?" I mumbled

"No why?" Because I feel like they think I'm weird and hate me.

"Ry they have nothing against you. Why would they?" Brendon asked

"I don't know because I'm a train wreck if a human" I sighed

"But you're my train wreck so it's okay" Brendon smiled as he kissed my cheek.

I kissed his nose and then got off his lap.

"Where're ya going ry?" He asked.

I shrugged and walked off towards the kitchen.

"Do You need anything Ryan?" Brendon's mom asked startling me.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you" she said.

"It's fine" I said.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist.  I leaned back into Brendon.  Letting him hold me.

He snuggled his face into my neck.

His breath tickled the side of my neck. 
I turned around so I now facing him. His mom walked out of the room.

I kissed him. I loved the taste of his lips. I love him. I love being around him. Even tho the voices hate him. The voices despise his existence. They want him dead

"THERE YOU GO RYAN KILL HIM! YOU ARE IN THE KITCHEN FIND A KNIFE AND KILL HIM" the voices started screaming.

I hid my face in Brendon's shoulder my body started shaking.

"Ry.. what's going on? Are you okay?" Brendon asked concerned

I couldn't answer I was shaking so hard.

*******
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Sorry it's been taking me so long to update. I've been really busy and this fanfic is kind of a side project anyway, so it's not on the top of my list of priorities. Anyway I'll update it more frequently. And sorry this chapter was kind of a filler chapter