Driving Doctor Mayhem

[11] Angry Librarians

"M-U... M-U... M-Y... M-Y... M-Y...N-A!"

"Shhh!" a stoic librarian stage-whispered from the next aisle. "This is a quiet place!"

"Oops. Sorry," I whispered back, yanking a few books from the shelf and clearing a spot for my face to peek through. "I thought that was more of a suggestion than a rule."

"It's a rule."

"Noted." I stared town at the books in my hands. They looked dry and old and I certainly wouldn't've picked them out before.

Narcolepsy and You, A History of Narcolepsy, Narcolepsy Today.

I was hoping to learn a little more about Doc's condition to avoid making a faux pas, but, ironically enough, I fell asleep face-first in the first book I opened. In retrospect, that was probably at least a little bit offensive, but I don't think anyone noticed, really.

I only woke up when my phone buzzed aggressively on the plastic table, causing everyone's head to whip towards me.

"This is a quiet place!" the library's patrons stage whispered all at once.

I shot them a defiant look, turning around in my chair and answering the phone. "You've just made a bunch of librarians pissed at me, so I hope this is important."

"Is that a euphemism for something?"

I frowned. I didn't know anyone with a voice that deep. Maybe it's a telemarketer.

I fought off the urge to hang up. "If only," I sighed, "Librarians can be surprisingly vicious. Who's this?"

"Gideon Freeman! Who's this?"

"... Banksy-Banks-Who-Doesn't-Know-Any-Gideons."

"Fair enough. Is a John there?"

I paused. "Is that a euphemism for something, Gideon? Just so you know, I don't judge or anything. Work's work. Whatever pays the rent--"

"What?" he gasped, "No, no, I'm looking for an actual man named John."

"Well, I don't know any Johns, either."

"Banksy Banks, were you insinuating that I'm a prostitute?"

I panicked and hit the 'end' button, tossing the phone into my bag for good measure. When I looked back up, I was met with an entire room of glares.

After that day, I was asked never to visit the Jiminyville County Library again. Thank God for WebMD.

The most important thing I learned that day was that people with narcolepsy, especially people with mild cases like Doc said he had, can operate heavy machinery just fine.

My job was moot, but I'd still been offered it. I was being paid by a man with barely any money in order to fill an unnecessary position. Minimum wage, but the fact still stands.

I didn't know what to do with that information, so I filed it away in my brain.

Work's work.