Driving Doctor Mayhem

[25] Gideon

Doc's apartment was always kept locked, despite the fact that the man really didn't have anything worth stealing. Maybe if America descended into anarchy one day and there were no repercussions for my actions, I would take his toaster. He had a really nice toaster. That was about it.

"Hey," I said the following morning, letting myself in. "Guess what? I am officially on a first name basis with the lady at McDonald's drive through, and all because of you. She is very curious about the Happy Meal dinosaurs."

It took me a second to realize that no one was answering back. I wandered further into the room. "Doc?"

Nothing. He wasn't home. That's odd.

I was just about to settle down with a can of soda and a pay-per-view movie when I heard voices in the hallway.

"That's ridiculous!"

"Oh, I'm the one being ridiculous?"

"Yes, you're the one being ridiculous. You know, you can't be right all the time, John."

"Shit," I breathed, running over to the fridge and sliding the already opened soda can in with the rest of them. I pushed it to the back so that Doc wouldn't see it until later.

"Ross and Rachel for sure got married after the last season of Friends."

"Gid. Please. I know what I'm talking about here. Ross is awful at marriage."

I clicked the TV over to CNN, before realizing that that looked a little suspicious. I never watched CNN.

"You can't be 'awful at marriage.'"

"You most certainly can. Ross' been married, what, three times already? They've shared an apartment before, and they have a child together. Why would they bother to waste money on a licence and a fancy party? Diapers are expensive."

They were standing in front of the door now. They had to be, their voices were perfectly audible. It didn't even count as eavesdropping anymore.

"Something about commitment, probably."

"A marriage isn't a commitment. That's why there are divorces."

I heard Gideon laugh. "Cynical!"

"Honest."

I scrolled through the guide until I found a Seinfeld rerun. Doc would buy that. When the pay-per-view charge came up on his bill, I'd play it by ear.

The door knob started to turn, and I ran over to the coffee table that doubled as my desk and tried to look like I had been diligently balancing Doc's checkbook.

"You know," I heard Doc's voice say, "my PA is probably in there now, so you don't have to--"

The door swung open, and I heard Gideon yell, "Banksy Banks?"

"Or, you could interrupt me."

As he bounded in, I was struck by the realization that Gideon was absolutely nothing like I'd imagined him being. He was tall--not as tall as Doc, but close--and muscle-y in a non-obsessive way. He had deep skin, bright, honey brown eyes, and full lips that curled into an earnest grin.

Gideon Freeman is beautiful, I thought. I think boys can be beautiful, too, when handsome isn't enough. There's no stigma, right?

"Hi," I squeaked. "Yes, I am the one who inadvertently accused you of being a prostitute."

I heard Doc snort. I had neglected to tell him that part of the story.

Now, I can't remember what exactly Gideon said to me; it was all a blur of wow-it's-you-it's-really-you-I've-heard-so-much-about-you-I-would-know-that-voice-anywhere-has-anyone-told-you-that-you-have-the-prettiest-smile-in-the-world-also-you-smell-like-laundry-detergent-but-not-the-cheap-kind-the-fancy-kind-wait-why-are-you-laughing.

"Because you're acting like a five-year-old!" I hissed, doing the thing where you try hard not to smile, but you only end up smiling wider because of how unsuccessful you are.

"Five-year-olds have more fun than any other age group," he said good-naturedly. "That's why no one remembers being five. It's like Woodstock. If you remember it, you weren't really there."

I nodded, dumbstruck. "Well, it's been nice meeting you. And I agree, by the way. Ross and Rachel totally got married."

"Devil's advocate," Doc scoffed.

Gideon laughed. "It couldn't be because of my sensible arguement?"

"Of course it could be," he said. "It isn't."

"It isn't," I agreed. "I like it when I can give Doc eye twitch. I'm starting early today, I guess."

Grinning widely, Gideon nodded. "I understand. I'm going to be late to work now, but I'm sure I'll see you soon, Banksy Banks." He gave Doc a quick peck as he strolled out the door. "And I'll call you tonight! "

"Oh, joy," Doc deadpanned. He was fighting a grin, too, though.

"So coy, but he picks up after one ring."