What I never knew I always wanted (Robsten story) -ON HOLD

Suffocating

It had been a week since Kristen had been released from the hospital. Rob was always watching her like a hawk, not letting her do housework or strain herself too much, she knew he was being his loving overprotective self but she also knew she would not be able to take it much longer. it wouldn't be long until she said things that she would definitely regret. She needed to get out of the house, just for a little while. Away from Robert, the air was suffocating her and she needed a break. But where would she go? Everywhere she would get papped. Eventually, she decided that she would go over to Suzie's, she had not seen her in a long time and now that she thought about it, she wasn't even sure if she knew she had been pregnant...oops.

Kristen sat down on the couch and wrote a letter to Rob, so he didn't worry as to why she was not home when he woke up.

Rob,

I'm sorry I am not here when you have awoken. I love you, don't ever think differently but I need some time. I have gone to Suzie's for the day and shall return by dinner. I need a girls day, I know you are just trying to help me but you really need to let me go back to being myself. Yes this hospital stay was scary but you can't let it haunt you, babe, we need to move past it. I know you still blame yourself and you shouldn't, I have said this a hundred times and I will say it again. It's not your fault. I love you and will see you when I get home.

Xoxo -Kris

Ps: I have left Eliana with you, I pumped a few bottles in the fridge. I didn't want you to be completely alone, so I left her with you. Love you both

She folded the piece of paper and headed up to their bedroom placing it on her spot in the bed. She knew he would get it then. She placed a light kiss on his cheek and then went around to her side of the bed where Eliana was. She pushed her hair back and out of her face as she placed a kiss on her daughter's forehead.

"I love you baby girl," she whispered, "Momma will be back tonight."

She grabbed her keys off the counter and headed out, making the almost hour drive to Suzie's place.

When Rob woke an hour later, he immediately knew something was wrong. Kristen was almost always with him in the morning. He turned over to a piece of paper on her side. His heart immediately sank.

He realized as he read it that maybe he was being a little too protective of her. She had never said anything to him about it. He agreed that maybe Kristen did need this day away from him. It was frustrating to him, he didn't want her to end up back in the hospital again. This last time was way too close of a call to him and he didn't want a repeat.. but he also understood where she was coming from, all she wanted was independence. she never got that in the hospital and it nearly drove her mad. he laughed when he read that she didn't want him to be alone so she left Eliana, that was his Kristen, always thinking of other people besides herself when she shouldn't. but it would also mean he would get to spend the day with his daughter, he wasn't going to complain.

Meanwhile, Kristen was laying on Suzie's couch munching on popcorn as she and Suzie talked

"I'm sorry it has been so long Suzie," Kristen started "it has been a crazy year."

"No kidding Kristen, you go and have a baby and not tell me" she laughed

"Yeah, I thought I told everyone. She is almost a month old."

"And you didn't bring her"

"I would have and I was about too, but I wanted to leave Rob with one of us." Kristen pulled her phone out of her bag and went into the hundred pictures of Eliana she had on her phone and handed her phone to Suzie

"Oh my god, she's adorable Kristen"

"Thank you! I love her so much."

"When do I get to meet her?" Suzie pouted.

Kristen giggled. "Well if you want to, you could come with me tonight and watch her for about 20 minutes while Rob and I talk

"You know I will Kris, you guys need to talk."

"Yeah, I know I should have told him how I felt long ago. I let it build up too much."

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It was now 6 pm and Kristen decided it was time to head home. Suzie followed her back to the house. Unlocking the door, she entered to see Rob on the couch with Eliana asleep on his chest. She smiled at the sight.

"Can we talk?" She whispered.

He nodded his head and got up as Kristen turned to Suzie.

"You're on babysitting duty" she laughed "have fun."

Rob handed Eliana over to Suzie and Kristen grabbed his hand leading him up to the bedroom. She headed over to the bed and sat down, ready to lay it all out.

"I'm sorry," she started. "I know I should have stayed and talked to you but I couldn't."

Rob went over crouching in front of her.

"I wish you would have told me how you felt or even told me to back the fuck off."

"I didn't want to hurt you, God dammit Rob! This hospital stay was scary for me too but we can't keep living like this. Worried that it will happen again."

"Your right. I'm sorry if I've been a little overprotective lately. I just don't want to lose you." Kristen could see his eyes glisten with tears right before he broke down. She stroked his hair.

"You won't."

"I came so close, too close. Kristen, you don't know how close! we didn't know if you would even wake up. I love you Kristen...so much and it killed me to see you like that."

Kristen didn't know what to say, it was better to let him get it all out. These were emotions he had been keeping in for a while.

"I love you too, so much and that's why I left. Because I knew if I stuck around I was going to end up saying things that I don't mean. I felt suffocated."

"I never meant for you to feel that way sweetheart. Never."

"Can we please just go back to normal?"

"I will try, it's just hard for me to get past. I never want to lose you, you are my everything, Kristen. You and Eliana both."

"Speaking of her, we should probably get her before Suzie decides she's going to adopt her" Kristen giggled

"Good plan." Rob got up and the both of them walked hand in hand to see Suzie on the couch, Eliana staring at her.

"Sorry you can't keep her" Kristen giggled

"Damn it, Suzie," playfully giggled as she got up and laid Eliana in Kristen's arms

"Hi sweetheart, did you miss me?" Kristen asked her baby.

"Well, I should probably get going. So he can have you for the night." Suzie said.

"I'll walk you out," Kristen said. She went with Suzie to her car.

"So, are you guys cool?" Suzie asked her.

"Yeah, I've never seen him cry before. He is so scared that he will lose me, I know I won't ever know what it was like for him to see me like that completely but I wanna try."

"Just be open with each other. Anyway, I will see you guys later. She really is adorable Kristen."

"Thank you."

After Suzie left, Kristen headed back up to the house and took a seat next to Robert on the couch. She cuddled into him being careful of the baby as he put his arm around her.

"I love you" she whispered

"I love you too, never be afraid to tell me how you feel Kris."

She sighed. "I won't and I shouldn't have been"

They spent the rest of the night cuddling on the couch, Kristen felt better about everything.