Mute

Chapter 20

My mother's tears flow with mine as the choked sobs fall freely from my throat. I can't hear them, but I know they sound ugly. In just seconds, I can't breathe. Heartbeat quickening, I take short breaths and everything becomes spotty. I get little flashbacks of memories. I feel my mom's panic and I can feel the vibration of her screams for help in her chest. My vision becomes spotty and the tears continue to fall. I look around, unfamiliar at my surroundings. I can't breathe. I can't breathe. "I can't breathe!" I scream loudly. "I can't hear! What's happening! I can't hear myself!" I suddenly scream in horror, forgetting completely that I'm deaf.

Everything blackens.

A hand on my shoulder, one on my ankle. I open my eyes slowly to see my mom and Jacob sitting in the room with me. My mom to my left with Jacob at the foot of the bed. They become alarm and Jacob looks towards the door, as if looking for something.

"Meg and Cameron went to get food," he says, complete worry shown in his eyes.

"Oh! Are you okay?" Mom asks me. I nod. Her hand caresses my cheek with relief in her face. Her hand sends tingles down my spine and I close my eyes, thankful that she's here with me. Opening them back up, there's suddenly a doctor in the room with my father beside him. Megan, Cameron, and Andrew run inside to the seemingly silent room. Everyone looks at me with this sort of look of expectance.

"I can tell her," dad volunteers. Everyone shifts their attention to him. "Erm, Ashley, Doctor. Reece here has informed us of a school a few cities over. It's a deaf school and it will be much more supportive for you," he says.

I look around the room in shock as Meg tears up with Cameron holding a fake strong look. My mother gives a supporting smile along with my father. The doctor gives a deadpan face and Andrew gives a very weak smile. Finally, I look to Jacob. He looks upset, and he stares deeply into my eyes for a reaction. He wants me to speak.

A slight shake of the head gives him my answer and sets him off. "Ashley! Tell them what you think. Tell them that you don't want to go and that you wanna stay here," he signs angrily with clear pronunciation of his words. Everyone snaps their heads to him.

I shrink into myself, afraid of the multiple doors it will open if I so much as raise my hands to speak. My eyes stare at him as his frustration boils for a solid, intense minute. I can see the doctor out of the corner of my eye shifting his weight on his two feet awkwardly as he waits for a response from someone. Jacob gives in before confessing.

"I already told everyone in this room, Ash. I was afraid that something bad happened and they needed to know all of the information", he signs. My body relaxes for some reason, as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulder. Although I have a little bit of anger boiling up in the back of my mind, I'm a little glad that I didn't need to hide it anymore.

"And it's great, Ashley. This school will open up so many doors for you! Now we know that you can sign amazingly and you can thrive there!" My mom signs.

My expression suddenly deadpans, and I realize that I have a very important decision to make. I look over at Meg and Cameron and I can see Cam's exterior breaking down. She's shaking a little and I know that if I leave, I won't see them for the rest of my high school life. Everyone already knows that people separate after high school, and we'd just be starting early if I left. I look at Andrew who truly holds a tough shield around himself. Jacob avoids eye contact, looking at the ground and fidgeting his own fingers around. My parents look ecstatic to know that there's a place for me.

A place for me to finally feel like I belong. I look back down at my hands. The things that have caused so much trouble in just the past week. I simply lift my right hand, looking straight at the uncomfortable doctor, and sign, "C.I.?", meaning cochlear implant. Immediately, mom, dad, and Jacob look at me in shock while the other three look around in confusion.

"Oh honey, we would have done that in the very beginning but you're not eligible. Your hearing is completely diminished," my dad signs with my mom sobbing of joy because I technically just spoke. I almost crack, now that I've been given an ultimatum.

"Let's give her some time to think about it," Andrew suddenly chimes in, looking a little frustrated.

"Good idea, we'll let you guys talk," my mom says, guiding dad and Andrew out with the doctor following behind. Cameron reaches to the table beside me which holds some whiteboards and pens.

We don't want to put any pressure on you! Megan writes supportingly with her hand rested gently on my knee. I give her a weak smile as my throbbing head pounds as I think about the important decision.

I barely notice that Jacob has begun writing. My eyes focus on him, but my mind is elsewhere. There are pros and cons to both sides, but I feel as though staying would be the right fit. My friends are here and I would miss them tremendously. However, the bullying will never stop. No matter who I tell, it will continue to happen. My parents don't even report it anymore.

Jacob begins to turn his board around when Brady comes running in. Jacob looks over and immediately begins erasing his board, his face turning red. I focus in on Brady who has to catch his breath.

"Andrew texted me. Since he picked you up last week from my place, he thought that I'd wanna be here!" He signs rapidly before placing his hands on his own knees and bending over in exhaustion. He looks to Jacob really quick and signs, "could you translate for them?" He asks.

Jacob looks furious. He switches from Brody to me and I give him a strange look. What's wrong with him? He stares at me for a couple more seconds before looking to the girls and changing his expression immediately. He moves his mouth and Megan looks as though she's given a forced chuckle and Cameron just avoids eye contact with anyone. Jacob then looks to Brady.

"There's a school a few hours from here for the deaf. Ashley has to choose whether she wants to go there or stay at our school," he explains while moving his lips so that the girls know what's going on. Brady nods slowly as he takes the information in. He suddenly grows very excited and he faces me happily.

"You should go to the deaf school! The deaf picnic we're going to is there! What a coincidence. Or is it a coincidence? Maybe it's fate!" He signs excitedly.

"So much for no pressure, huh?" Jacob limply signs. He suddenly stands up and walks out of the room, and I'm not surprised at all. He seems angry, but I have no idea why he would be. I look to Megan who seems quite perturbed. She walks out of the room quickly, leaving the rest of us in awkward silence.

"I feel like I've upset the atmosphere?" Brady signs slowly as if Cameron is even watching. She still stands the same, now staring at a lifeless corner. With no response, he awkwardly waves at me before walking out of the room.

I look to Cameron again and she ignores me. My hand reaches to her limp one and she allows me to pull her over. She looks me in the eyes with tears running down her cheeks. "No pressure," she signs slowly with a weak smile. I sigh sadly and she quickly wipes her tears. She readjusts her composure and suddenly she's happy. She moves down on her knees to be level with me and lays her head on my bedside. I place my hand on on her head softly and close my eyes to fall back to sleep.