The Story of Thia

Secrets

Landon's POV
When we got in the car I turned on my radio and let the music drown out all of my thoughts about my unrequited feelings towards Thia.
"Landon what's wrong?" Thia shouted over the music. I turned it off and suddenly there was silence.
"Nothing's wrong. What makes you think something's wrong?" I said keeping my eyes on the road.
"Well I don't know, you've been distant lately... It's just felt weird since last night when you cared about me coming home late. I mean I'm not the one who goes out and gets high until the early hours of the morning."
I parked on the side of the road. I got out and laid on my car and Thia did the same.
"Landon I didn't mean to upset you..." she said breaking the silence as I kept my gaze fixed on the stars.
I responded, "I do it because I have problems that I need to forget about. I can't control my emotions. They get too real, so distracting myself from them helps for the time and I can usually get over it. It's just that being at your little boyfriend's house wasn't helping....."
I felt her eyes on me as she questioned "because you couldn't get high while you were stuck there with me?"
"NO!!" I screamed "you'll never understand me, it's no use!!"
I started to slide off my car when I felt Thia's hand grab my arm. "Help me understand then."
"I've never told anyone. The only ones who know parts of the story never realized that they were adding to the problems, so you'd be the first I would tell. How do I know I can trust you?" I inquired.
She stared into my eyes as she said "you can trust me." Before I started the story, I thought to myself 'please don't give up on me like they all have in the past'.
The first thing I could remember was waking up one night from a bad dream when I was six. "Mama, daddy?" I asked, hoping my parents would appear from the darkness of the room. "It's bed time!!! Go back to sleep!!" a harsh voice shouted from the hall. After waiting until I heard the door shut I crept down stairs to search the house looking for any indication of why I was there. I found a suitcase that looked like it could be mine, so I searched through it. I found pictures of my parents and a few items that I scarcely remembered having when I was just a toddler. Where were my mom and dad? Last time I was at a foster home they said to meet my mommy and daddy, but no one ever looked like the ones that I was with in the picture....I heard a creak in the floor upstairs so I quickly hid behind a big reading chair. The footsteps went away and I quickly went back up to my room. Every few months I would be put in this building that had many children in one room to sleep. I found out later that that was the adoption agency. I was put in it quite a few times. Every once in a while I would be adopted. People would always say the number one thing they loved about me were my pitch black eyes, but that wasn't enough to keep me in their houses. I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming from my frequent nightmares, never to be soothed by any of my foster parents. Those kind of foster parents mainly took kids in for their own monetary benefit. I became acquainted with one lady at the adoption agency as a result of it being my usual home in between foster homes. She knew about what happened to my parents. She told me about how they were both killed in a car accident and that's when I was brought to the adoption agency. I was with a babysitter the night my parents died, so when she got the call from the police she didn't know what else to do. I was about ten years old when I finally grasped what had happened with my parents and why all those foster parents never wanted me. The foster family's never cared to see what was making me such a bad child, all they did was give up. I've never gotten over the fact that I never had my real parents to raise me and love me. I knew that that's what they would have done. I was happy and upset by that thought. After a while I became accustomed to people giving up on me. I didn't let them in and they didn't care to try to get to know me. When you're older it gets a lot harder to be adopted, so I floated from one foster house to the next, not getting to know anyone. One day I was searching through one of the houses and I found some beer in the fridge. I tasted it out curiosity... It tasted disgusting. Then I remembered how all of my foster parents acted whenever they had to much. They didn't care what I did when they had a few drinks. Maybe I'd not care about how my life had been... so I downed the bottle. I tried walking, but only made it to the bathroom. I laid on the floor mat and I didn't think about my parents death. I had completely forgotten in my loopy state. I would remember when the alcohol's effects wore off, but it was long enough to subside the pain I was feeling inside. Throughout my preteen and teen years I started to drink more and more as it became more accessible, but as I went into high school I discovered crack, my new addiction. I stopped the alcohol, but I started to get high whenever my feelings were bothering me. All my foster parents never caught me with any of the substances, but they saw me under the full effects of them. They never think it's enough proof though, so they let it go.
Throughout my entire life, my only steady relationship was with my addictions.

Thia's POV
When Landon and I were coming home from Josh's house I asked him if something was bothering him. When he told me about his parents and how his life had been so lonely I couldn't help but feel like he would understand what I had gone through, even more than Joshua....but I didn't feel like I could tell Landon. What would he think when I told him my own mother didn't want me?

Landon'sPOV
"Landon, I didn't know...." Thia said when I finished.
"You never asked, no one ever did...." I responded while I stared at the night sky.
"Walt and Heather are great people, you shouldn't push them away. They may not know why you do what you do, but they would try understand if you let them," Thia said.
I looked over at her as she looked up at the stars "I don't care what they think of me. I only care about..." I paused as I lifted my chest above hers, with my face inches from her's, "what you think of me..."
She looked up at me her eyes full of confusion, "why me?"
"There's something about you that makes me want to break all my rules---- to let you in. Just by telling you how I feel, I'm breaking all of those."
"I feel the same way too... But--" I kissed her before she could say another word. She put her arms around my neck and pulled me closer. When we stopped to take a breath, she finished, "I have a boyfriend...."
Couldn't she just forget about him right now?!!! "Yeah....you do...I just really wanted to know what it would be like to kiss you..." I replied solemnly.

Thia's POV
Landon only cares about what I think...what was that supposed to mean? He told me he felt like he wanted to let me into his heart, giving me all the power to break it, but the weird thing was that I felt like giving him the same power. Just as I was about to remind him about Joshua, he kissed me. It was surely unexpected, but part of me wanted it to happen. How could I do this to Josh? We ended the kiss and the realization hit me, as my stomach sank. I had just cheated on Josh, my loving boyfriend who did nothing but make me happy......I'm a cheater. A dirty, evil, nasty, horrid cheater....
Landon wanted to kiss me? Since when, I thought that all of those times he flirted with me, it was all part of his game.
"I can't do this to Joshua!! I'm sorry..." I muttered.
"You just did it to him though. You have feelings for me. You told me you liked me like I liked you. Why can't you see it?!" he questioned.
"But I-I-I just can't, I can't ever kiss you again, it was a-a-ummm"I stammered.
"A mistake?!!" Landon demanded.
"Amazing....but I can't feel that way towards you."
"You can't hold back your feelings forever...." he stated gravely.
Landon slid off the car and hopped inside, I did the same, and we drovehome in complete silence.