The Story of Thia

Chasing Happiness

Landon's POV

I see Thia walk in and can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy when I spot the smile on her face. "What did Mr. Prefect do today?" I questioned, unintrigued. "He can walk now... it's a miracle how far he's gotten in his physical therapy." She can't see the apathy on my face right now since I am covered by the shadows in the hallway. She walks closer, closing the distance between us. There's a silence between us, filled with so much tension I can't bear it anymore. "I have a gig tonight, you should come," I interject. She agrees and then hugs me. She mummers something in my chest, but I have to take her head away from my chest to hear her better. I feel tears and immediately tilt her head up so her gaze meets mine. "Thia, what's wrong?" I ask in a different tone than usual. This family has rubbed off on me too much... I used to have an edge to my tone that showed others I couldn't care less about them. This girl had softened me. "Landon, when I'm with you, the whole world seems different. I feel understood, I feel a rush of feelings I have never felt before. That feeling never goes away. There's something about being around you that makes me feel alive, but comfortable at the same time. Landon, I think I have fallen in love with you. Although I didn't know the falling was even happening, cause there's always been some magnetic pull about you..."

A rush of new emotions hit me and I don't know what to feel... it's a frightening feeling for me to personally hear that kind of stuff. To know she reciprocates my feelings. I stand there unable to move, and just as I am about to reply, Thia puts her finger on my lips to stop me. "Landon I can't do this to Josh..." She looks at me and the tears trickle down her face faster. My heart leaps for a moment, thinking she's going to end with 'so I am breaking up with him.' Just before I can hear those words, we hear the lock on the front door being unlocked. Heather and Walt's voices soon break our expectant silence. She whispers to me to tell me to go into my room and nudges me in that direction. Heather and Walt come down the hall to find Thia walking to meet them. She explains the tears, telling them that she was so happy that Josh could walk so well today, that she couldn't help but be emotional.

Thia's POV                                                                                                                                                                                I feel torn about what I just did... I keep lying to Walt and Heather about my emotions... it no longer seems like anyone truly knows what goes on inside my brain...no one knows how alone I once felt. Well, perhaps Landon, but I know that he's just as broken as me. I worry that as a broken person, he has the potential to hurt me even more than a whole person once has...

I show up to the gig and Landon and his band are setting up. Sure enough I end up seeing Sophia prancing around on stage, extenuating every movement to intrigue Landon. Landon seems unfazed, but eventually he gets close to her, and even the proximity hurts to watch. It is all supposed to be an act, singers on stage, but what about those times when real emotions underlie the chemistry we see on in each performance? The issue is that I pushed him away. I pushed him into the arms of the most seductive girl in school. I made a person who wanted me turn away, yet again. The first time I would like to say was not the worst way I could push someone away, but I guess you could say I abandoned someone in need and of course they'd look for that help from someone else.

The performance blurs by and soon I find myself at Josh's house. It was easy not to think of the hurt in front of me as I remembered what happened in my past. Landon was just a potential sting. He wasn't even mine, so was I even justified in feeling upset? I get to Josh's and rewind a few years in my memories.

'We were walking into this house. From the outside it seemed quite small, but inside, there were three stories and a full deck out back. It was the perfect venue to get super fucked up and peruse the party. Initially Josh, you weren't supposed to be there, so I got prepared to be on my own. It didn't bother me much at this point. Sometimes I wanted to be alone. I got so used to caring for myself since my mom was messed up, that I became independent to a fault. That was one of our main issues that you tried to fix... you were all about pleasing me, being the perfect guy... I didn't need perfect, I needed a little bit of fucked up. I needed a lit bit of personality and flaws, not a clean slate for me to control. I felt crazy every time you and I would go to a party and you would stay by my side as I talked to everyone. I knew the whole town... not closely, but they knew I liked to have fun. They had an idea of my background and accepted my fucked upness. You began to experiment with me, but one night you couldn't stand the thought of being alone in your messed up state. I wasn't there for you and you found someone that was. Let's just say we didn't do the same drug that night. You ended up wanting me more, and in my fucked up state, I wanted no one. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I ran outside to the back porch, stuck each leg around one pole in the railings, and sat peering out into the dark night, with the wonderment I used to have as a kid. This was how I used to sit outside, feeling the night's breeze touch my legs as they dangled so high above the ground. Josh comes running for me, using all the will he has to make me happy, but I don't budge. I sit there cold and unwavering, only able to murmur out "Josh, I'm sad." He tries to comfort me with touch, but it doesn't do anything. He tries and he tries, but soon he is out of will, getting sadder by the second. This wasn't usual Josh, usual Josh was selfless and usually stayed there until the shell of depression cracked and I was back to being me. Josh didn't take the right drug that night... he couldn't stand the heaviness and quietness of the matter. I couldn't talk out this feeling and then let it pass. He apologized profusely, but told me he had to go somewhere where he wouldn't be sad cause right then he was chasing happiness.

Joshua's POV                                                                                                                                                                       As Thia recalls that night, the old sting of guilt comes back in my gut. I knew Thia and I knew what I should have been doing at that moment. I should have been there for her. The problem was that the drug was making me insufferably sad. I couldn't bear it any longer.

'"You went back into the party and the rest was a blur for me. An emotion packed blur that would be worsened by the end of the night." She continues. "Later I heard it all...." "Sinthia are you alright, did you guys break up?" a random friend of hers asked at the time. She tells me she sat there stone-faced, not knowing how to answer that question, but also not knowing if she was even present enough emotionally to care. "No. Why? Did the little puppy get lost?" When I heard that, I was hurt by the title she gave me when she was mad, but knew it was all too true. I always relied on her, always tried to please her, but never in the right way... I was as useless as a dog to her. All the right intentions, but never quite exactly what she was looking for. I always knew that in the back of my mind.'