Aqua Terrarium (Nagi No Asukara)

Chapter Eleven

"How did it go?" I asked Kaname while the three of us walked quietly in the cold night of Shioshishio. Hikari and Manaka had already parted ways with us back at the intersection, leaving Kaname, Chisaki and I to make our way back home.

"I have a feeling that it's something along the lines of punching him... Isn't it?" I added, earning me a knowing smile from Kaname.

"Knew it... Hikari always did suck at making plans." I shrug which made both Chisaki and Kaname chuckle.

To be honest, it was the perfect diversion I could think of to help me forget even just a bit the conversation us girls had awhile back. Chisaki's direct question about Manaka's feelings for Tsumugu and Manaka's vague reponse to it... It all just feels uncomfortable to me.

I know that this was the kind of development I was hoping for. The kind that would help me assess how I move from now on and yet- this wasn't what I expected would happen. It was like the universe decided to make it even worse for me by giving me false hopes that carried with it terrible consequences.

If Manaka liked Tsumugu then Chisaki would end up with Hikari and Kaname... Would Kaname and I-

I shake my head repeatedly to banish the thoughts away, my eyes locking in on Chisaki's back that walked in sync with Kaname. No, that would be unfair for Kaname. No matter how much it hurts... This wasn't the kind of sign I was hoping for. Although I did want to try and fight for Kaname's affection, I didn't want it to be because he chose me as a consolation prize.

"I just hope Hikari doesn't go too far. I don't think that the man is evil as Hikari thinks." Chisaki brought up.

"I doubt Hikari would see reason. He's reckless and stubborn." I add making Chisaki frown at my response. She was probably looking for a reassurance but this was Hikari we were talking about- the epitome of a hard-headed kid.

"Do you think that the town is right though? Separating those of the sea from the land? The reason why Hikari's finding fault in the man is because he wants to prove that everyone on the land isn't as kind as Manaka claims them to be. It could be because of how Hikari was brought up but the fact that this situation bothers Manaka and the fact that Hikari doesn't know where Tsumugu stands in Manaka's eyes is what infuriates him and makes him detest the man more. Don't you think so?" Kaname elaborated, his ever knowing and perceptive observation always taking me by surprise.

But the fact that he formulated all of this from what he's seen, there's no reason why I'm not against his explanation. To be honest, Chisaki was right when she said that the man really didn't look as bad as Hikari makes him out to be. The only reason why Hikari detests him is because of our rocky relationship with the land dwellers. But then again... I doubt that would be enough to fuel Hikari's anger.

What strengthens his hatred is because of Manaka's feelings for Tsumugu. After hearing Manaka's view on what she felt for Tsumugu... And then her outburst about the relationship being forbidden between the people of the land and sea... I'm going to assume that somewhere somehow, Tsumugu was more than just a friend to Manaka.

And that's the root of Hikari's rage.

--*--

"Good night! See you tomorrow." Kaname and I bid Chisaki before we took the steps that led to our homes.

"Neh, Aoi. What do you think?" Kaname finally asked me when we paused by the balcony again. The familiar night sky that reminded me once of my position in this friendship.

"About what?" I ask back, turning to see him fully facing me. The moonlight reflected from the sea shines across his features, accentuating it which made me blush at how beautiful the sea made him look like at night.

If Hikari was the raging storm, Kaname was the sea when it was calm. Quiet and serene, its gentle waves that lap at you as if to always reassure you and comfort you... That was my type of sea and what I always saw in Kaname.

Kaname was the epitome of that sea I loved and yet like the sea which cannot be fully contained, Kaname was the same. Just as no one could keep the sea, I as well could not keep Kaname.

No wonder the Terrarium broke.

"Hikari and I heard it. Manaka's feelings for Tsumugu." Kaname finally said which made me stare at him in shock before sighing at what this meant. Now Hikari will be even more determined to pin the blame on the man Akari kissed the other day.

"I'm not allowed to say my opinion. I have nothing against Tsumugu but-" I paused, willing myself to continue. "But my answer will only be biased. I hope you understand why, Kaname."

"I understand. But is it really, alright? How things are turning out?"

"I don't know." But I did. "I just don't know." I just didn't have the heart to tell him. No matter how I look at it, I can tell that I've changed. I became more hopeful and I hated it. Even though this is what I wished for... Even though this is what my selfish heart wants. I'm just too scared to grasp it.

"What about you? What do you think?" I turn the question back to him, hoping to divert the spotlight from me. Kaname gives me a long look of contemplation, whether or not he could see the frustration and desperation in my eyes, I didn't know.

"Manaka, ever since we were young, has always stumbled behind us. To think she would be the first to fly off the nest still surprises me. I have an inkling of what Hikari might be feeling. The person you've always looked after for years suddenly begins to fly higher and away from you... I understand a bit why he's scared and frustrated at himself." He smiles, that same half-smile that makes my heart ache at the loneliness in his eyes.

Coupled with his words, I know what he means. To see someone you like slipping from your fingers. That realization can be painful to accept and knowing Hikari- he'd take it out in the most reckless way possible.

"Kaname. What would you do if that had been Chisaki?" The question left my mouth before I could even stop myself. My eyes worriedly looked to Kaname, his eyes widening a bit in surprise before he sighs as if my question was such a silly thing.

But I knew. No matter how well he hid it. I knew that my question had struck a chord and it scared me to know that the growing ache and loneliness in his eyes had been caused by me.

"I'd like to think that I'm a monster in a way. Even though Hikari is my friend... I can't help but want Manaka to end up with Tsumugu. So that maybe... Maybe he would look at Chisaki's way. I'd like to think that that would be alright and yet deep down-,"

"You can't help but want to be selfish." I finish for him, the way he phrased it felt so similar to my own. Kaname doesn't correct me and it only solidifies the truth of our nature-

That human beings are such selfish creatures.

"Are you a mind reader now, Aoi?" Kaname kids, trying to lighten the mood but it doesn't help. Because no one can help us. Not even the Sea God himself could quell the aching hearts of those trapped in the tempest.

Why did our lives have to be so difficult. Why couldn't it just be a one lane road without any detours to save us all from the heartbreak. People always did say life is unfair... I guess this is what they meant by it.

"I'm sorry, Aoi. For always dragging you into this." Kaname apologizes, taking the blame like the martyr he is. But I didn't deserve it because even I am at fault. Even as we walked home and said farewell, I couldn't say a single thing to fix what I had just done.

Sorry didn't cut it. It never will.