Aqua Terrarium (Nagi No Asukara)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

"Aoi-chan, wait! Aoi-chan!" I dove into the water, ignoring Manaka's voice that called out to me.

Tsumugu's confession swirled in my mind like a current, my heart hammering against my chest- threatening to explode. It had been the first time someone confessed to me, the feeling inexplicable.

How does one go about it? I wonder if this was the twisted wish given to me? The wish to move on from Kaname had repaid me with Tsumugu's feelings. It's too cruel a gift... The price to pay I still didn't want to give.

"Aoi!" My back was met with a powerful tackle, snapping me from my daze only to see Manaka hugging me from behind.

Her round doe-like eyes regarded me with worry, something I didn't expect given what Tsumugu had said to me. "I caught up!" She immediately grinned afterwards, her ever optimistic presence a light I couldn't bear to look at.

"How can you smile like that?" I wonder aloud, the tumultuous feelings in me threatening to break. "You like Tsumugu, right?!" I accused her but knowing Manaka- she would never have suspected it to be the case.

"Eh?! I don't- It's not like that!" She defended herself, hands flailing in a vain attempt to hide her burning cheeks.

With a pained smile, I look down at the accumulating saltflakes on the ground. "I don't know where Hikari got the idea of you being the weakest of us..."

"Huh?"

"You're stronger than me, Manaka..." I trail off before my voice could crack from the pressure eating me up.

How Manaka sensed it, I never got to ask. Before the tears could fall, she had already taken my hand- her eyes blazing with determination as she half-dragged me to god knows where.

"Manak-,"

"Neh, Aoi-chan-" Manaka peered at me as I continue to let her drag me off. "Let's go on an adventure!"

"Eh?"

--*--

The place Manaka had spoken of was a small forest made of kelp found just behind my home.

She had left me within its silent confines before opting to head on over to my house to drop off my stuff and get us food to eat. It made me inwardly chuckle considering Manaka had never been this forward before.

But then again Mihama had changed us... The memories only made me remember Tsumugu's words, my feet halting at its attempt to kick up the sand.

He really is too perceptive for his own good and yet- why did I let him in? I laugh inwardly once again at the question, knowing full well that I was only lying to myself by pretending to be ignorant.

I had grown too lonely. I wanted someone to break the still waters, the flow I couldn't escape from. I wanted someone to save me from drowning. Just when I believed no one would come- that's when Tsumugu had arrived. By befriending us, he had given me a reason to break out of the loop I was beginning to grow burdened with.

Because we are only human- there was a limit to how far we could endure before we broke.

Tsumugu gave me all the cards to play and yet I never touched it. This new feeling of freedom scared me amidst the fact that I had wished for it. So I remained rooted within the flow. I could swim out, yet, because I feared the change, I could never do so.

Tsumugu must've seen it and that's why he reached out. To drag me out by exposing me to my own desires and apprehensions.

"Aoi-chan! I'm back with snacks!" Manaka's voice pierces the silence once again, something I was thankful for given that even in the presence of my own mind- I was not safe.

"Your mom didn't suspect a thing!" she beamed at her accomplishment, a giggle escaping my lips at her proud expression. Sensing that she somehow helped me relax, Manaka sat on the large rock facing me, her figure erect and attentive.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Her question, although innocent, unnerved me.

I fidgeted under her waiting stare, unable to speak. Because, in all honesty, I just wanted to forget Tsumugu's words and delude myself into believing that it was all just some twisted dream.

Yet I couldn't- because it wouldn't be fair to Tsumugu if I ignored his feelings.

It would be cruel of me to toss it aside, knowing that he had helped me go through my feelings. I wish I could repay him by liking him back but-

"It's because you don't like him... Right?" I froze at Manaka's conclusion, eyeing her warily which caused her to flinch. "I mean you said so yourself and I assumed and-,"

"I said it out loud, didn't I?" I said, cutting her off. She slowly yet shyly nodded at my query- a sigh escaping my lips at my own slip. "Wouldn't it be so easy if it was just like that... Loving the person that loved you back?"

I don't let Manaka reply to that, continuing on with my speech as I slumped on the ground, ignoring the salt flakes and sand dirtying my uniform. "Tsumugu is too perceptive and kind for his own good. He's the type that's easy to love amidst his tactless streak. Yet he's someone I can't bear to see as well..."

"Like the sun..." Manaka trails off before her eyes widened and she shut her mouth, a wry smile on my lips to indicate that I had heard her loud and clear.

"Yes, like the sun. Warm and all encompassing yet bright and too far."

"Ano- Aoi-chan?" Manaka tried to speak, making me tilt my head to acknowledge her impending question. "What about Kaname? Chii-chan told me that she didn't want things to change but- but it wouldn't be fair if you didn't tell Kaname too, right?"

I froze at her question, a sea of apprehension bubbling in my stomach. My lips quivered at the idea of confessing to Kaname but I didn't let Manaka see it- because if she did, then she would know. Tsumugu had rubbed off on her after all. She's become aware as well- of the feelings gnawing at us.

Funny how she couldn't seem to see her own.

"If I told him I liked him- it wouldn't be fair as well to him and Tsumugu." I explain sadly.

That's right, it's because Kaname will be required to care and the weight of my feelings will only hinder him from his own happiness. If I did confess, it would be wrong on Tsumugu's part as well. Until I told him my reply then I didn't have the right to say my own feelings to Kaname as well.

"That's why you try your hardest to play the odd one out. It isn't because you think it's your fate but because it's more predictable that way. The feelings you're keeping to yourself- you are afraid of changing as well even when you do your best to prove to them that you are." Tsumugu's words resurface just as I think of such notions, his words pricking at my skin like guilty thorns.

Am I really that afraid of changing too?

It made me realize how terrible of a person I had been to Tsumugu. To take him for granted when he did his best to help me amidst the fact that there was a low chance of me returning the same feelings to him.

"Would things be different if I confessed?" I wonder aloud, turning to Manaka who flinched when I finally acknowledged her. "Would it be less painful if I just let it out?"

"I-I don't know..." Manaka replied to me, her eyes just as nervous as my own. "But- it would help, wouldn't it? Help ease your anxiousness just by saying it out loud?"

The sureness of her words amidst the ironic quivering of her tone makes me widen my eyes. Her belief in others makes me lightly smile afterwards, basking in her radiance that is much softer yet just as kind and compassionate.

"Will you be there if I took the risk? Just to tell me I did well even when the tears won't stop?" I grin, earning myself a mirror of a smile as well.

"Of course! I'll do what I can, Aoi-chan!"

For once, the gnawing apprehension that ate at me didn't seem too daunting a task to fix by myself anymore...

"Tomorrow... I'll do my best to be more honest from now on..."