shattered souls won't mend themselves (supercorp au)

penny for your thoughts

bet you guys thought we were dead ;) first off, happy pride month to anyone who's a part of the community, and to our angsty and depressive lil gaybies; kara and lena. sorry for the long wait, btw, infinity_in_his_eyes and i really have no excuse. enjoy!

//Lena POV//

I don't know what possessed me to kiss Kara's hand. I certainly didn't mean to do it. It was only in that moment, when I was watching her slip into a peaceful sleep, that I just stopped thinking so much. I stopped caring about my walls, about the prejudice my name holds, about all the bitterness and resentment I've built up in that damn foster home. I just let my body do what it wanted, whatever it felt was right. I haven't surrendered that type of control ever before in my life.

But dammit if I don't want to lose myself to her for the rest of time.

As soon as I kissed her hand, my head exploded. Fireworks. Everywhere. I swear, my heartbeat doubled (after struggling to keep beating). And it was so simple. I kissed her hand. That's all I did. And it still felt– still feel– like the universe just screamed Endless Love into my face. I look over at Kara's sleeping form. I can still feel the warmth of her hand on my lips. I see a tiny bit of my ruby red lipstick on the back of her hand. I smile so widely it almost feels unnatural. Almost. Kara makes anything and everything feel perfect.

My heart suddenly drops. I feel like I've just been catapulted off a roller coaster. The gravity of the situation dawns on me so instantaneously, I know I would stagger if I was standing up. I press the heels of my palm into my eyes.

I feel complete again. Like there isn't that gaping hole that Lex left. That Hope left. That even Sara left. I've felt this feeling before. And every time I have, it been ripped out of me, torn to shreds, burned, and scattered. But this time, it's different. My curiosity, my concern, my burning desire for (her) companionship, they're all out in the open. I've showed Kara I care. I've shown her I can be the anchor, the rock, the tether she needs, and she also knows that she could become these things for me. I've opened up to her. And I don't want to close back up. I don't want to retreat back into my emotionless castle like I have my entire life. I want to stand my ground and fight for my happiness.

And right now, my happiness is Kara.

But I've never fought for anyone other than myself before. Of course, I wanted to confront my mother about Sara, to follow that poor, confused, sad girl with the canary backpack out the door and kiss her once more, apologize for Lillian's actions, explain that I felt something. Of course, I regretted not talking to Lex that night he came home drenched in blood, not giving him a chance to explain what happened, why he did what he did, how he became what he became. And of course, I wanted to plead my case to the Palmers, express exactly how I felt about Hope leaving me, join hands with her and stand defiant with her until the Palmers either adopted us both or left us so we could find a family that wanted both of us. Of course, I wanted to fight to keep my happiness that lived in those people. But I never did. I'm a woman of both words and actions, but the wrong words and the wrong actions, at least when it comes to love. And I'm not a woman of change. So how will I be able to fight to keep Kara in my life? Will I be able to fight to keep Kara in my life?

I lower my hands from my face. I look over at Kara. She hasn't moved a muscle. Nothing about her has changed from just a few seconds ago. But now when I think about my kiss, I no longer smile. The corners of my mouth just sadly turn upwards the tiniest bit as tears threaten to spill. I can't help it. I lean back in the beige upholstery and let the rhythmic beeping and the metric rise and fall of Kara's chest lull me into an uneasy rest.