if you || laiguanlin

01

It's lunch time but I don't feel like eating anything. It's not like I'm not hungry, indeed my stomach feels super empty right now. Well I sometimes eat five meals a day (a/n i miss seonhoㅠㅠ) and not eating for a few hours already made me feel like starving.

I guess I was just too busy thinking about the message guanlin sent me a few hours ago.

I felt the vibration from my phone again, please don't be him...

"hey sejeong, my flight's gonna arrive at around 7pm tmr, wanna meet up?"

No, guanlin, I don't want to.

I don't want to see you again.

For the whole lunch time I just sat in my seat quietly, trying to calm myself down and constantly telling myself not to think about him.

But I failed miserably, the thought of him leaving Korea without telling me beforehand kept lingering in my mind.

The time we spent together as couples, was short but probably the happiest time in my life.

Yet for the time he left, was probably the worst that has ever happened.

flashback

It's May 20th.

"Where should I celebrate with guanlin today? What will be his reaction when he received my present? ahhhhh calm downn sejeongggg!!" I thought while walking to school. The thought of going on a date with him on our 100th day made me grin widely.

After a few more minutes of walking, I finally reached school. I originally wanted to surprise guanlin by giving him the card I made for him last night, but out of my expectation, he's nowhere to be found. 

"Where's guanlin?" I asked chaeyoung.

"I... I don't know..." chaeyoung answered suspiciously, avoiding my gaze.

"Chaeyoung, I've known you long and well enough to notice you're lying right now. Tell me, what happennd?"

"Guanlin... he's leaving today... because his parents want him to study abroad... in America... he told me not to tell you because he's afraid you will be hurt..."

"Lai guanlin are you crazy??" I groaned helplessly.

I immediately rode a cab to the airport, and dialed his number non-stop.

"Pick up your phone... oh come on please... pick it up"

It was all useless, no one answered the phone calls, and there's nothing I can do.

After arriving at the airport, I immediately checked the flight information and found out the only flight going to America today has already departed.

I have no hope in seeing him again, right?

To my surprise, I wasn't crying anymore. The feeling of emptiness and betrayal started growing in me instead, what is this weird feeling I'm having?

I've tried to contact him again throughout the week, but I couldn't reach him. At that point, I felt like I should give up already, and let us remain memories in the past.