All's Fair in Love and War

8. Road Back & Resurrection

Is this what it's like to be depressed? To feel empty and exhausted with life? I feel like I'm weighted down by balls and chains underwater; lightweight and floating in the water, but choking and heavy when my lungs fill with the burning saltwater. I can't catch my breath, and when I finally get a lungful, it burns. 

We're on our way to the building where Vladimir is hidden and I should be happy that we're retrieving him, and that he's okay, but I can't help but to feel this overwhelming feeling of remorse and pain. I've tried to sleep, but memories of the death of Jong-un keep replaying in my mind every time I close my eyes. I feel like I'm alive but not living. 

We reach a base in Russia close to the establishment where Vladimir is supposed to be and I feel queasy as we gather in a vehicle that will transfer us there. I almost don't want to face Vladimir. It's my fault that he's even in this mess. I feel another rush of negative emotion wash over me and I want to cry. 'I cry too much,' I think. 

I feel like I've been dragged deeper into the compressing and salt filled water, except this time I've begun to reach the deep part where no light is seen and I can't hear or even try to call for help. If I wanted to, that is. I deserve to feel this overwhelming urge of death looming over my shoulder considering how much death I've already caused and almost caused. I let the darkness engulf me and my mind is everywhere and nowhere. It feels like all too sudden I'm being yanked back ashore, resuscitation is being performed and I'm gasping in the thick, oxygenated air.

"Sir," the familiar and deep Russian voice calls out, "We're here. Would you like to come with?" I nod numbly and blindly follow the armed men into the boarded up house. We look around for his body until I see a hatch door on the floor, hurriedly covered with a dirty and ragged rug.

"Here! Here!" I cry out, dropping to my knees and tossing the rug out of my way as I pry the door open and begin my descent down into the low lit, dank room. I call out for Vladimir anxiously as my eyes dart around the room, adjusting to the bad lighting. I hear faint, weak cry come from a corner off to my right and dash that way. "Love, I need you to speak up," I say worriedly.

"Here..." I heard his voice croak out. The voice I had learned to love and cherish hearing. The voice who made me smile when things were bad. The voice who told me he loved me and that he'd be there till the end. The voice that made me wish I could be better for him in every way. The voice I hoped that could forgive me. I let out tears of relief and sorrow. I'm holding his face with my hands, peppering light kisses upon his face.

"We need to get you out of here, okay?" I gently pick his body up bridal style, his arms wrapping as tightly as they could around my neck without hurting me. His head rests between my neck and his arm that sits on my shoulder. Going up the stairs was difficult, but I managed to safely make my way up them. Once we reached the upstairs I sat his body on the floor so that I could continue to make my way out of the hole in the floor. I saw a couple of EMTs quickly swoop Vladimir up and onto a stretcher and make their way towards an ambulance that I presumed sat outside. Before the double doors of the back of the ambulance shut I ran towards it.

"Wait!" I heard Vladimir's raspy and worn voice call out. "Where's Donald? I want him here."

"I'm here, baby. It's okay. I'm here." I said climbing into the back of the ambulance with a slight pant. I grabbed his hand, my thumb running over the back of his hand while staring at him, both of our eyes blurred with unshed tears, making them glossy and bright. "I'm here," I whispered one last time. 

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lol this is all so bad, I can't believe I actually turned this in