You Complete Us - A Deadpool/Harley Quinn FanFic

Chapter 9 - I'm Not in Love

Deadpool's POV

{We better wake up, this dickwad is mackin' on our girl!}

I slowly sat up with a groan, holding onto my masked head. As my vision slowly cleared and my hearing returned, I viewed Harley and the pale as shit, creep-o clown with bright ass green hair talking, well no...yelling, at one another.

"Ya don't OWN me! Whenayah gonna get that through yer thick skull?! It...is...OVER," she bellowed as she planted her hands firmly on her hips.

I slowly stood to my feet, the distress my ditzy damsel was currently spewing gave me adrenaline enough to get over the fact that one of the creepiest fucking clowns I've ever seen was two feet away from me. I slowly began to creep up behind the ass-clown.

"Harl...sweetheart, we just needed a bit of time apart! You and me, we're like an axe and murder, they just make sense!" the clown stammered and then it suddenly dawned on me.

%Wait a minute...didn't she mention something about a crazy, psycho ex-boyfriend being here?%

I audibly gasped as I put my hands to my masked mouth. The clown whipped around to look at me with a scowl. I pointed to the clown and used my other hand to shield my mouth as if that would keep him from hearing what I was going to ask Harley.

"Harley...your crazy, psycho ex is a fucking clown?!" I loudly whispered as she gave me a nervous laugh and a half smile.

"Yeees?" she answered and I gripped my masked skull with both of my hands, paced a moment or two and then took four long strides forward. I pointed behind me at the clown while leaning forward into Harley's face.

"You've had a clown pecker....in...side you?" I asked with a shutter and she crossed her arms over her chest and made a psh sound with her mouth.

%Psh? Why is she pshing?%

"Barely...," Harley answered.

%Oooooh...BURN!%

I left out the loudest most obnoxious laugh possible as I turned to face the clown, pointing sternly at his creepy ass face. He was trying his hardest to ignore my purposely annoying noise as he looked at his fingers and idly pretended to pick at his cuticles with a roll of the eyes.

"Harl, please tell me you aren't actual with this raging imbecile," the clown said as his eyes suddenly attempted to cut into my very soul. Harley crossed her arms over her chest, looking up to the ceiling as if trying to contemplate an answer to this question.

"Well, not exa-," she started to say and oh no, there was NO way I was letting her let this freakshow have any bout of fucking satisfaction, so I cut her off.

"And what if she is?" I said crossing my arms over my chest, taking a firm stance in front of him. This was an odd feeling, a feeling like I wanted to be the Kevin Costner to Harley's, Whitney Houston ala The Bodyguard. Or the fucking Robin Hood to her Maid Marian!

%We are so fucking whipped!%

"Well then I'd have to kill you...more than likely, slowly and oh so very painfully," the clown said as he stepped closer to me, actually daring to put his nose inches from my own.

{How are we not shitting our pants right now? We HATE clowns!}

%Because our dame is in need of some macho stand up!%

"I'd like to see you fucking try, Casper," I said without moving a single muscle, despite the fact that my inner conscious was screaming like a little girl due to the creepy and terrifying nature of this stupid dude's face.