You Complete Us - A Deadpool/Harley Quinn FanFic

Chapter 11 - The Part Where We Give You Closure

Deadpool's POV

I sliced a man's head off with my katanas before I slightly jumped, noticing that I was being watched by YOU, you pesky readers, so I turned to speak to you all.

"Oh, hey there, readers! Deadpool here. I see you couldn't get enough of my bodacious love story and you're back for more. That's the whole point of an epilogue, right? Skip over YEARS of someone's life and catapult to the real fucking good stuff? Oh, where's Harley you ask? Oh we broke up like two years ago. She was really crimping on my bachelor lifestyle," I said with a slow nod as I shot a guy running up behind me in the face piece.

"I'm totally kidding! Of course we're still together! What am I, crazy?"

{Weeelllll...}

"Not THAT crazy to give up a piece of tail like Harley! In fact, she's 10 feet away from me right this very moment, making a cherry pie of some poor schmuck's skull with her mallet! In't that right, Sweetcheeks?!" I yelled over my shoulder as Harley's head perked up and trotted over, mallet positioned firmly on her shoulder. As she approached me, blood idly dripped from the head of the mallet and she tilted her head at me.

"What's right?" she asked and I pointed towards the readers. She looked in the reader's direction and a huge smile spread across her face.

"Oh, hi! Wadey, why didn' ya tell me we had comp'ny!" she bellowed as she adjusted her pigtails and nonchalantly tried to wipe the blood off her shoulder. Suddenly, her hand dipped down to my nether regions with a light whiney sound escaping her throat.

"I know our friends are here and all, Snickerdoodle, but I got a scratch that needs itchin'," she mentioned as my eyebrows rose to the skies.

"Here? Now?" I asked and she shrugged, looking around at all the dead bodies and blood everywhere.

"Never stopped us before...we'll just move some of the carcasses outta the way!" she exclaimed, and I nodded once, needing no further explanation for fun, schmexy time with the Harley-kins.

"I'll be right back, folks! Duty calls," I said as we turned our backs.

Later...

I finished zipping up the crotch of my suit as Harley bounced around on one foot behind me, trying to balance and slip on her remaining boot.

"Where was I? Ah yes...so, for the past three years this has pretty much been Harley and I, we-," I started to say before Harley's head peeped over my shoulder.

"Three and a HALF," Harley corrected, holding up three fingers on one hand and half of a finger on the other.

"Oh, God...uh, yeah, three and a HALF," I said with a wince.

"Please don't cut my finger off, Sweety-kins," I said again with a wince as I looked at her from my peripherals.

%We are seriously SO fucking whipped. TOTALLY WORTH IT!}

"That's right, ladies! Wrap them around yer finger by threatenin' to lop off one-ah their's!" Harley said with a grin and I laughed nervously.

"Th-that's right!" I agreed and she reached a hand to pinch my masked cheek.

"Aw, yer so cute when yer appendages are in danger," she said and I reached up a gloved hand to idly pat the top of her head before clearing my throat to continue.

"So, the past three and a HALF years Harley and I have pretty much been causing blood baths and bumping uglies. Often times, one right after the other. There's just something about the smell of blood and gun powder in the air that just makes you wanna fuck!" I exclaimed as Harley put her hands on her hips with a firm nod.