Say You Won't Let Go

06

Alexa

I was not only sleep-deprived but starving as well. After sitting through a few classes and being scolded in each one for not focusing, I finally found myself sitting at a lunch table staring down at my tray of tater tots.

"I can't believe you just did that." I held my stomach as I doubled over in laughter.

"What? She was being rude." Cameron said innocently. If you knew Cameron as well as I did you'd know that smug smile on her face was anything but innocent.

"You threw a tater tot at her, Cam!" I laughed even more as she popped a tater tot in her mouth before holding her hands up defensively.

We sat there, laughing together and to me it was just a regular day. Who knew that moments like these could be cut short.

"Hey, Alexa." Alison says excitedly as she and Madison take a seat at the table. They seem to be making an appearance in my life more often now.

"Hey," I flash a smile that doesn't meet my eyes. "How are you guys? How's the team?"

"Oh, we quit." Madison says nonchalantly as if it was something completely unimportant and she rolls her eyes at the look on my face.

"Look, ever since you quit and Paige took the position as captain she's been parading us around as if we were nothing but mere peasants only there for her to bark orders at us. You can't even call it a team anymore." I couldn't help but feel like this was my fault.

I was the glue that held everything together and now that I can't even hold myself together everything is falling apart.

"Alexa, it's not your fault so get that look off your face." Alison scolds me. "We understand why you had to quit."

"Anyways, we wanted to give you this," Madison reaches into her backpack and pulls out an envelope with my name on it. My body momentarily goes rigid as my mind wanders to the day Mrs. Carter arrived at my doorstep handing me an envelope.

"It's an invitation to our birthday party this weekend. What do you say, will you be there?" They both stare at me with hopeful looks in their eyes and I nod.

"Of course."

After an uneventful lunch, which basically consisted of Madison and Alison filling me in on the details about their party, I had a free period which I was thankful for as I was behind in a lot of work.

I decided to go to the library knowing that it would be near empty and also hoping to start reading Wuthering Heights so Mr. Callaghan would stop threatening to call my parents if I didn't get any reading done, which I was also very behind in.

While making my way down the back of the library I pull down the sleeves of my sweatshirt. It was very cold in here and I regretted not carrying a warmer jacket with me today.

You know," a voice starts and I jump a little, feeling startled as I turn to meet the depthless eyes of Blake Harper. They were a greenish-blue color today. Almost like the ocean and if I stared into them any longer, I might drown.

"When I saw you spying on me earlier today I kind of just blew it off. But now it's starting to feel like wherever I go, there you are. Is there something you want to confess?" He finishes with that smirk of his.

"Excuse me? You think I'm stalking you or something?" I snort at the thought.

"Your words, not mine." He shrugs as he makes his way past me to put a book back on its shelf.

I roll my eyes and walk away, settling into a secluded area in the corner of the library where I wouldn't be bothered.

Upon arriving home later that day, I went straight to my room and immediately got started on Wuthering Heights. My grades weren't as good as they used to be and I definitely didn't want to fail my senior year. I was about six chapters in when my mother calls me down for dinner.

"Hey." I sit down at the table and quickly notice the absence of my father. "Where's dad?"

"At work," She answers while forking some parmesan chicken into her mouth. "He's working on a new case and it's a big one."

My father was always working late these days and it bothered me. I understand being a lawyer is a hefty job but never has he missed family dinners.

"How was school?" She asked.

Horrible. It has been every day since Cameron's been gone.

"Good." I say.

I make a show of stuffing food into my mouth to avoid her gaze. Please let it go, I plead in my head because that look on my mothers face told me that she knew I was lying and that she wanted to press even further.

"How's cheerleading?"

"It's going great. The girls are excited about championships." I don't know why I lie. Why I didn't just tell her that I quit the team. It shouldn't have been a big deal, right?

"Alexa," she starts as she puts her fork down and looks at me. "Ms. Vega called and told me that you dropped all of your extracurricular activities, even student council, and then she goes on to tell me how she's heard news about you quitting the cheer team." She looks at me with that stern look on her face that makes me want to slump down into my chair.

"Okay, fine. It's true." I rush out. It's bad enough lying to your mother but even worse when you get caught.

"I don't understand why you're suddenly deciding to just drop all your activities. Is this about Cam-" I cut her off before she can finish the sentence.

"No this isn't about Cam," I say trying to convince her but it sounds more like I'm trying to convince myself. "I'm not hungry anymore." Pushing my plate away I stand up, suddenly at a loss for appetite.

"Alexa, just sit down and talk to me. I want to help you." She says pleadingly and the look in her eyes breaks my heart.

"Mom, I'm just really tired and need to get some sleep. Can we please do this another time?" I felt bad for leaving her clueless, without an explanation as to what was going on with me.

But how could I explain it to her when I couldn't even explain it to myself?