Say You Won't Let Go

10

Alexa

I felt it all at once. All the sadness and grief and confusion. It all came rushing to me the second I woke up, tears rolling down my cheeks as my heart began to beat faster and faster and faster. Today was November fourth.

Cam's birthday.

It was her eighteenth birthday and she wasn't even here to celebrate it. She wasn't here to jolt awake as I burst into her bedroom too early in the morning wishing her a happy birthday. She wasn't here for me to see her face light up with happiness as she opened the gift I would have spent hours at the mall looking for just to make sure it was perfect.

She wasn't here and realizing that as I did every morning, hurt. It hurt like hell.

"Alexa? It's time to get up or you'll be late for school." I start to wipe the tears rolling down my cheeks at the sound of my mothers' voice on the other side of the door. The last thing I need is for her to come in and see me crying.

"Alexa?" She knocks on the door as she calls my name again. I want to tell her that I'm not feeling well. That I can't go to school today. Then I think of Cam again. I think about how if she were here she would tell me that locking myself in my room and crying all day wasn't going to get me anywhere. That doing whatever this was, wasn't going to bring her back. She's gone. She's really gone.

I could feel my eyes start to water all over again at the realization.

"Alexa, are you up?" My doorknob starts to jiggle and I try to sound like I wasn't about to cry as I said, "I'll be down in a few minutes." And when I could hear the sound of my mom's retreating footsteps is when I slowly get out of bed.

I was going to try to make this day special for Cam.

I manage to put together a decent outfit and throw my hair up into a ponytail as I grab my bag, deciding that it wasn't worth the effort of putting layers of concealer on my face.

"Morning, honey." My mom chirps as she pours some coffee into my dad's cup. I nod at them both as I grab an apple and make my way out the door, looking at the time and noticing that if I didn't leave now I would surely be late to school.

"Happy birthday, Cam." I whisper before pulling out of my driveway, trying to swallow the lumps in my throat.

Upon arrival I head straight to my locker, keeping my head down as I try to ignore the stares of the people most likely wondering what I have become. What I allowed myself to become. I grab my books and take a deep breath before closing my locker, glancing at Cam's locker which was just down the hall. My blood ran cold at the sight of the decorative banner hung above her locker.

Happy Birthday, Cameron! R.I.P.

I could feel my face begin to heat up in anger as I stare at Paige and watch as she pretends to wipe a tear from her eye as someone hands her a tissue.

My self-control deceives me and before I know it I'm marching towards her and angrily tearing down the banner, earning shocked gasps as people begin to form a crowd.

"Alexa! What are you-" Paige's shrilling voice shrieks.

"Save it, Paige." I cut her off, striking my hand against her cheek as adrenaline courses through me. "Who are you trying to fool, Paige?" She scowls at me before speaking.

"I'm just trying to show some appreciation for our beloved friend." She holds her now red cheek as she glares daggers at me.