moon child | lai guanlin

nine

heeun •

one step into school and i could feel hundreds of eyes on me, some accompanied by mocking smiles and some accompanied by forced pity. i ignored all of them, lowered my head and shuffled my feet over to my classroom.

it was the first time my name rolled off so many peoples' tongues, it was also the first time i wished that it didn't happen.

"is that lee heeun?"

"oh, yeah. didn't her friend get kicked out of the school for slapping jiyeon?"

"woah, seriously? is she stupid?"

"right? everyone knows that getting in trouble in the school can get you detention, but getting in trouble with jiyeon? you must not cherish your life very much to do that."

"haha! i heard jiyeon talking to someone in the toilet earlier on, she said that she was going to make lee heeun's life a living hell so that she leaves the school herself."

"shh! you're too loud! lee heeun is right there!"

i bit down hard on my lips. i knew it, life wasn't going to get better. it was going to get worse.

there is no beauty in this world after all, everything is ugly.

i went to class early. in fact, so early that i was the only one in the entire classroom. i took out the notebook i got from my mom for my 5th birthday. the pages were so old they turned yellow, and the black lines that lined each piece of paper had faded away, leaving no visible trace of its existence.

i didn't mind. i was never a person that picked on such trivial things.

grabbing a pen, i started writing words. words that seemed so familiar to me, but yet so distant at the same time.

"what are you doing?"

i jumped in my seat, quickly shutting my notebook and turned to face the owner of the voice.

i don't know why, but i felt a pang of disappointment when the face i saw didn't turn out to be guanlin's.

heck, i've never even seen this guy before.

"w-who are you?" i stuttered, trying to dismiss the heat slowly rising in my cheeks from embarrassment.

"i'm new, today's my first day." he grinned, a really wide one. he looked so happy to be here, i was almost jealous.

"why do you look so sad? you should smile more. people are always prettier when they smile." without even hesitating, he poked the two sides of my cheeks and pulled the skin up with his fingers.

i flinched at the touch and pulled away, leaving him with wide eyes. shouldn't i be the one who was supposed to look shocked?

"hey! i don't even know you! what the hell?" the chair screeched as i attempted to move back. i cringed at the sound.

"ah, you're not fun at all!" huffing, he crossed his arms and sat back on the chair that used to be heejung's.

i didn't even realise that the lunch bell rang before students started to flood the classroom. the judging looks everyone gave me resumed, i tried not to care.

jiyeon clinged onto guanlin's arm, pulling him into the room with a sickly sweet smile. i tried to chase the urge to look at them away but every time a string of words leave jiyeon's lips i find myself staring straight at their direction, unable to look away no matter how hard i wanted to.

what i didn't understand was why guanlin didn't spare me a single glance.

he was laughing with jiyeon, the smile on his face as prominent as ever. the way his eyes formed two little crescents reminded me of last saturday, and his words that he said to me that night.

"when the moonlight shines on your face, why do you appear so much more beautiful?"

i felt a tinge of happiness in my heart at that very moment. i felt the unfamiliar feeling of being appreciated and loved by another human being.

but i guess that didn't last long, did it?

well, nothing did.

seeing someone happy with another person, does it usually hurt this much? seeing them smiling at each other, laughing with each other, enjoying each other's presence.

at that moment, i truly felt alone.

there were so many people around me, but somehow, in some way, it was as if i was the only one in that room, in that space, at that time.

"lee heeun, please pay attention! stop daydreaming in class and take out your books!" i jumped at the teacher's obnoxiously loud voice, gaining a few giggles from my classmates.

;

i contemplated whether or not to visit mrs kang at her café, but decided not to when i saw the large number of customers inside the tiny little shop.

her café has never been so packed before, and she was probably busy taking all the orders. i didn't want to disturb her.

walking past the shop, i noticed that mrs kang changed the menu on the chalk board hung on the window frame.

SUMMER PROMOTION!

• couples get two free caramel macchiatos, along with a free slice of cherry pie if you purchase more than $15 in the shop!

• come with more than 2 friends to get a free slice of red velvet cake!

* promotion will last from june 1st to august 31st, and is only avaliable from 1pm onwards *

"ah, that's why there's so many people in the shop.." i thought, "is there no promotion for loners like me, though?"

i glanced through the glass wall, everyone inside either sat with their friends or their partners. nobody sat alone and nobody looked down. everyone had smiles on their faces. genuine smiles.

i looked away, continuing the exhausting route back home. taking a deep breath, i stopped in my tracks and took time to admire the purple sky, the white moon and the many stars that dotted the sky.

"mom, what happens when people pass away?" the 4 year old me had eyes filled with curiosity as i looked up at my mom.

"you see the stars in the sky?" i nodded.

"when people pass away, they fly up really really high, up into the sky, and they become stars." i smiled, a really wide smile, staring into the sky filled with bright, twinkling stars.

"i wonder how nice it'll be.. to be one of those stars."

(a/n: hOLY SHIT 600 READS I'M SCREAMING?? THANK YOU FOR EVERYONE WHO TAKES TIME OUT OF THEIR DAY TO READ THIS FLOP OF A FANFICTION I APPRECIATE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU SO MUCH ♥)