my heart, my soul » namjin

10. End Me

I woke up groggily. Dry tears littered my face, exhaustion was still strong for me even with the rest I got. I looked up and saw that I was alone. I never really got to wake up next to Namjoon so this wasn't a surprise. I couldn't believe he did that to me. Every thing doesn't make sense to me anymore. But I have to trust him, especially now that he has me under his control. I was more furious about that last night but now I've had time to rest and realize that I was extremely disappointed. I hope that whatever this plan of his is works. I want Namjoon happy, I really do. But I was so crushed and hurt. That's something horrible, if he really loved me he'd have stepped in. He did what he could. I trust that. He's a man of his words. He will not lose my trust.

"Good morning, baby. How'd you sleep?" I sighed heavily and turned away from the voice. I didn't want to talk to him. After everything, talking casually is something I don't think I can do. I wanted to speak to him though, I wanted him to communicate with me instead of leaving me clueless and helpless all the time.

"Who did you want me to see again?" I had already figured out who it was. There was only one person I would have to meet after all of this.

"Ravi would like to speak to you again. He was interrupted the last time." His chuckle made me sharply turn to glare at him.

"How can you laugh about something like this? You saw what he did to me." I pointed at the long scratch running down my neck and the bruising around it. Nail indents were also visible but would Namjoon even care since he was the one who watched this happen? Namjoon seemed to growl lowly, I didn't know if he just didn't like my attitude or the fact that someone other than him hurt me.

"Nothing will happen this time." I scoffed at his cold words.

"This time?! So there's going to be another time I'm put in danger?!" I was now out of bed, striding toward his still figure. We locked gazes as I was mere inches away from his face.

"Like I said, you have to trust me."

"Of course I do! You're making me trust you,  I have no say in that." Namjoon didn't respond which caused more anger to bubble within me. How could he be like this? How could he look me in the eyes and tell me all these lies and keep more secrets hidden away? It's almost as if once I uncover one thing, there's more to figure out suddenly.

"Seokjin, please try to calm down. It will all work out in the end. I promise." I scoffed at his words. I'm sure everything will work out, because everything always goes Namjoon's way. I don't know why I decided to sympathize with him.

"I regret ever loving you. You deserved to be lonely. You don't deserve any love because you're just a demon. A useless demon who only deserves to rot in hell and follow his masters orders." I stopped abruptly. I didn't know why I spoke those cruel words. It was unlike me. I shook it off though, maybe I was just overly upset with this entire situation that I finally reached my breaking point and snapped.

"You don't mean any of that." Namjoon seemed unfazed by my words but I knew deep down somewhere in him he was affected by it.

"I didn't."

"Then why did you say that?"

"I'm upset."

We stood in silence for what seemed like an eternity. I was still ashamed in myself for speaking so rudely to Namjoon, even if he did deserve it I'd have felt bad. He did deserve love, he deserved happiness. I only hope that even in my downfall he finds it. I'm a good-for-nothing human being. My death will affect no one.

"Tell your mom you're going on a trip, make the conversation short."

"Wha-" I was stopped mid way when my phone went off. It kept ringing, signaling that I had a phone call from, of course, my mother. Namjoon nodded for me to answer it, so I did.

"Hey, mom. What's up?"

"Oh my baby! It's been so long since I've heard your voice. What's got you so busy these days? I never hear from you anymore..." I sighed. I was a horrible son.

"I'm sorry, mom. I've just-" I paused, I can't tell her that my life is being ran by a demon. But if I wanted her to not worry I'd have to come up with a good excuse. "I've finally been making friends and I got so caught up with them that I haven't focused on much else..."

"Oh, that's wonderful!! I knew you'd make friends, I hope they treat my Jinnie right." I frowned at her enthusiasm. I was lying to her and she was so oblivious to the truth. I couldn't tell her it though. Not with Namjoon watching me stiffly and well, not many people would believe you if you told them that you fell in love with a demon and you don't know whether or not the feelings mutual.

"Yeah, so what's father been up to?" My mom sighed on the other end.

"Work. He never takes a day off, I'm quite lonely without my boys."  I didn't realize I was crying until I felt tears run down my face. Namjoon stepped forward and gently wiped them away as I cut to the point I was supposed to state.

"While we're on the phone, I'm just letting you know I'll be going on a trip. So if you don't hear from me, don't be worried."

"Be safe! Oh- a clients on the other line. Try to call when you can, yeah? I love you so much my precious baby boy! Mwah!" Before I could respond, the line ended. I yanked away from Namjoon and sprinted out toward the front door. I was now sobbing, I wanted to go hug my mom. I wanted to have a dinner with my family again. For some reason, I felt deep down within me, that that phone call was my last.

"You can sense it. Can't you?" Namjoon's dark voice rang through out my apartment. I messed with the door knob and lock but it wouldn't budge. I was locked in my own house. My sobs got louder as I felt him press himself against me from behind. "Don't cry, angel. This is for the better, remember how lonely you were?"

"I don't care! My parents cared for me. I can't just leave them! You don't leave family behind like that, Namjoon!" I turned to face him but it was a mistake I'd regret. His orbs were pitch black and he was no longer the man I was used to seeing. He was back in his demonic form, his true form. I shivered and slowly raised my hand up to press it against the creatures chest. I was lead over to my bedroom and slid under the covers, as if I was in some sort of trance. A note with my handwriting rested on the night stand and medicine was next to it. "Don't leave behind something gruesome, please." I pleaded softly, suddenly growing tired. With a low hum from Namjoon I closed my eyes and bid this world goodbye.

-

Things are going well. I know this is hard on you, but you will soon be treated like royalty. You'll get treated the way you deserve. It won't come easy but I'm willing to do anything for you and your crown, for us. Never forget that everything I do is for us.