self-help // phan

quinque

Self-Help
a dan and phil fanfiction
chapter 5
Enjoy.

Between mouthfuls of pizza, Dan & Phil had a pleasant conversation, all forms of awkwardness seemed to melt away with each passing minute. Now they were laughing over a newfound pepe meme, Dan took his chance to ask, "I never did ask you," Phil met his gaze, curious, "How old are you?"

Phil looked more relaxed than he had ever seen him, a giant sweater with a pug hugged his chest, and huge PJ pants covered his long legs. One of his arms was splayed on the couch, the other holding a slice of pizza.

"Oh, I'm 26." Dan choked on his crust, tearing his gaze back to Phil. "What?! Really?" That only put four years between the two. The outrageously uncomfortable psychiatry sessions seemed a lifetime away.

"Like I said before, special opportunities and all that. Plus, I guess you could say I'm training. This is my first year." He didn't act like it. His eyes contained a fun glow, but beneath them lay a gentle and understanding old soul.

Dan nodded, munching thoughtfully. In the back of his mind, he was aware he had not been this happy in months. He lived his life uncharacteristically bored and sad, and suddenly he's best friends with his psychiatrist. Funny.

During their talk, he had also discovered that Phil was from Manchester, not far from Dan's birth place. It was the first time he had ever lived alone before without his parents or in a University. Dan had also found out that Phil's brother worked at the same office, the attendant lady his wife. With the new information, Cornelia seemed a lot more sweet with her sing-song voice.

"Apart from my work, I usually spend my hours messing about with video games and Youtube." Phil said, his eyes not focused on anything in particular.

"What do you mean?" Dan's face grew hot, although he couldn't pinpoint why. He had a sinking feeling, the idea arising with each passing moment. If it were true, he'd have a lot of explaining to do.

"Well, I sort of do this vlog thing, it's not anything special or-"

"You're AmazingPhil?"

The older man's pupils grew huge with awe, his lips parted.

"Yeah, I am. How... did you know?" For the first time, Phil seemed totally dumbfounded, sitting silently for Dan's response.

"I actually used to do a Youtube thing too. My dad didn't want me making them, so..." he trailed off. Phil responded, "Are they still up?" 

"Yes, I stopped making them but James, um, dad, doesn't really know too much about the internet to delete them all." Phil was quiet. "I was one of your subscribers at the time, I preferred people that were relatable rather than acting nuts for views."

Dan still couldn't process that right in front of him was someone he'd watched on a weekly basis. His hair was so much shorter, his face aged slightly. How could he have not recognized him? Was it the lack of a computer screen between them?

"My coworkers don't know about it, but I don't think it'll affect my career to bad. Besides, I can always quit and devote to Youtube if I like." Jokingly, Phil continued, "But I'd be too bored being by myself. I've considered a flatmate before, but I never really reached out for it."

For a split second, Dan imagined living here instead of at his own home. Waking up to bright lights and wielding colours, but a voice inside reminded him: You barely know him. He's a stranger. He probably doesn't even like you. How do you know you're not a nuisance? Better get out while you still can, Daniel. Dan shivered as though a draft had come slipped into the warm apartment.

Shutting out the dark thoughts, he returned his focus to Phil. His gentle eyes watched him evenly, almost intensely. Even with Dan noticing, he didn't stop gazing at him.