self-help // phan

octo

Self-Help
a dan and phil fanfiction
chapter 8
Enjoy.

"Dan, what have you been on about?"

He didn't look up when his mother made the loud accusation at the dinner table. Dan picked at his food, hardly eating much of anything.

When he didn't answer, his father made a comment.

"I saw the marks on your dresser. You should work on your punches, you hit like a pussy."

"James!" his mum snapped, "Not at the table!"

"Actually. It's fine." Dan stood up and made his way to the stairs. "It's whatever."

He ignored his parents accusing comments and bounded up the stairs, and didn't stop until he was on his bed with his head in his hands.

He'd gone a week and a half since the sessions stopped, and hasn't attended University, either. Dan spent his days laying in bed, or staring at walls. He felt almost lost without Phil to talk to. Loneliness ate at him like a disease, he missed the older man so much.

He didn't understand why.

He wasn't gay. He didn't like men.

So why did he get so worked up? Dan initially assumed that their closeness was natural between psychiatrist and patient, but was it really?

Why did he feel so choked up with Phil not around?

He didn't have time to give much thought on it. He heard shuffling outside his door, a gruff voice and a panicked mum.

James threw the door open, hard enough for it to slam against the wall and shudder. Immediately Dan jerked as he sauntered towards him, his fists clenched. His mum cowered in the shadows of the doorway, her eyes watching them.

"So that's what this is all about?" he hissed into his face. "Because you quit your fucking therapy?" Dan's heart pounded as he got closer menacingly.

"I should have known you'd turn into a faggot!" he spat. "What, you think I didn't notice you sneaking off to that shit-head's apartment? Did you suck his cock while telling him about your pathetic problems?" Dan flinched, but didn't reply. Any comment could make it worse for himself.

His father grabbed him with a tight fist, and dragged him out of the room, Dan barely had just enough time to snatch his phone from the dresser. He stumbled down the stairs with James still gripping his wrist painfully. He slung Dan to the door and pushed him out into the freezing air.

He stumbled down the steps and blinked at his father's silhouette.

"You aren't allowed in this house until you learn what it's like to live like a queer." James sneered. "Go on, find the friends you don't have." When Dan didn't move immediately, he shouted, "Now!" Leaving Dan to stagger into the road.

His father slammed the door, and he was left in the dark street.

Alone.

For the first few minutes Dan aimlessly trailed sidewalks, pausing under lamp posts form warmth. He fought tears over and over, the cold making his eyes stream.

Where was he going to sleep? He had no money. His phone was dead.

He couldn't sleep out here, he'd risk freezing to death in his light clothing.

Shivering, Dan continued to walk.

It felt like years his feet continued to step one after the other, going into unrecognized streets and allies. Eventually, the buildings began to widen and get bigger as he approached city roads.

His teeth chattered painfully, he gripped his sides as cold continued to seep into his bones. If he didn't get warm soon, his body could risk damage.

Not that he mattered anyway.

It had to have been around two in the morning when he spun around a corner and came across a building he recognized. It was tall, achingly familiar as Dr. Lester flashed in his mind.

"No," Dan said aloud. "I won't do it."

"Won't do what?" an unfamiliar voice said. Dan spun around to find someone cowering just behind a street post. They got closer, and fear began to go up his spine as she came into view. Her hair was in tatters, bundles of jackets supporting her. Dirt smudged her wrinkled face, and when she moved her mouth, she was missing several teeth.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked, before mentally cursing himself for making a conversation. "Well, I don't know if you can tell, but I don't have a home," her voice had a snarky edge that surprised Dan. "But, that doesn't mean I don't have a place to sleep tonight. Do you?"

Dan hesitated, before dropping his gaze and muttering, "No."

"Do you know someone over there?" She questioned. He nodded meekly as she turned her attention to the building.

"Come with me," she began nudging him towards it, after a brief consideration Dan felt as though this were better than wandering the streets again.

"I'm Susanne. And you?"

"Dan"

"Catchy" she muttered as she neared the same glass doors.

"You can't get in there," Dan warned, "It's got a pin code." Susanne ignored him as she began pushing buttons in a quick and rapid method. The pin box flashed green, and he heard the door click.

His mouth fell open with shock as she pulled the door open for him.

"I have a photographic memory, Dan," she said. "Your lips have gone blue and you need warmth soon. Go in."

"No, I can't do it." he put his ice-cold hands up and took a step back. She still held the door, her eyes narrowing.

"I've seen you go in there with that doctor. He hasn't come out in a couple of days, you know." Dan's heart plummeted with nervousness at her statement. What did that mean?

"If you don't go see him, I will," she snapped. "There's nothing else you can do, unfortunately."

Susanne grabbed his wrist with her freezing hands and jerked his body into the heated lobby. Before he could object, she slammed the door and made her way back to where she originally was sat.

"Thank-you!" Dan called, but she didn't turn back.

She was right about the cold, though. His head had begun to spin as he reached his second hour of being out in the frozen weather. When in the elevator, Dan had to lean against the rail to catch his breathing that came in short gasps. His lungs ached painfully at the transition of temperatures, his vision blurring.

At last, Dan pulled himself out into the eleventh floor and counted the numbers on the doors.

1137, 1138, 1139, 1140, 1141...

1142.

His fingers pushed as hard as they could against the doorbell, but he wasn't entirely sure if he had actually pressed it or not, as they had gone numb. His mind reeled and he became more dizzy from nerves that racked his brain.

The knob turned, and a familiar face peeked out, before swinging it open.

"Dan?!"

Before he could make a reply, his whole world shifted and he found the floor rushing up to meet him.