Y try? // Daniel Howell x reader

Chap 9. Sweet Nightmares

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER MAY TRIGGER SOME. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

" It's just something stupid, anyway I better go now. I've got uni in the morning." I stated.

Then with one swift movement I was gone and out the door. I left him. Hopefully it wasn't for good though. When I stepped out the door, it felt just like the night Micheal broke up with me. It probably looked the same as well. Tears trickled down my cheeks, causing my vision to go all blurry. Suddenly, I was opening the front door to my flat. I wasn't in control of my emotions or my actions. Emma was the only one who knew of this secret and I wanted to keep it that way.

Dan probably hates me now. He probably never liked me in the first place. I'm just a worthless waste of space. I'm not smart. I'm not popular. I'm not pretty. I'm not wanted. Not even by my own family.

Trigger warning NOW. Self harm.

I felt a tingling sensation pulse through my skin. I tried so hard to ignore the urge, but my addiction was to powerful. I walked to the bathroom, and opened the cabinet. My fingers felt their way through the familiar cupboard. I found it. The silver edge and metallic smell brought back far to many memorises. I hadn't done this in months. But I knew I was going to break the streak some how.

Then I did it.

The cold blade sliced my wrist, creating lines of red.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10.

Five on each side. I then twisted the tap and placed my wounds under the cold running water. I didn't feel pain, there was no physical pain. I only did this to replace the emotional trauma that I experienced.

Dan, Micheal, the Bullies, my Family, and Him.

I placed my blade away, and cleaned up the area. Making sure there was no evidence of what I had done. Emma didn't need to know I had just broken our one of many promises. I then walked into my room, and grabbed my Song Book. I only would write down songs that would pop into my mind. Most of the time the inspiration would come from the wounds I would give myself. I then opened a new page and let my hand and mind do the work.

Y/N's Song Book

Anymore written by Y/N

I wish.
I wish with all my heart
For the pain
To go away
I don't wanna die
But I don't wanna stay alive
Anymore

Please take the pain away
I don't wanna live for another day
I don't wanna see your smiling face
Anymore

Please take the pain away
I don't wanna live for another day
I don't wanna see your smiling face
Anymore

I wish
I wish with all my heart
To sink into
The obis of life
Why should I even try
Anymore

Please take the pain away
I don't wanna live for another day
I don't wanna see your smiling face
Anymore

These days I'm waiting in the same place
For my Prince Charming to come
But guess what HE NEVER WILL
And guess what I don't wanna wait
Anymore

Please take the pain away
I don't wanna live for another day
I don't wanna see your smiling face
Anymore

Anymore

Then with that I laid down and tried my best to fall to sleep. Eventually I did. That's when it started the sweet nightmare.

I woke up. Not in my bed, but a black and grey checker-ed one. Beside me was him. Daniel Howell. He was peacefully sleeping. I crept out of bed and examined my surrounding. The room was pitch black. The only source of light was the bedside lamp, next to the bed. The rest of the room was empty. It seemed eerie, unnatural, yet it described the way I was feeling. Nothing. That's when I noticed my wrists, the scars I had given myself early that evening. But instead of plain red lines, the scars had blood oozing out. I ran. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't want Dan to see me like this. I just wanted to die. All my worries, pain, misery, would all just fade away. 

Once the beside lamp was out of view, I started to panic. I was lost. Scared. Alone. I crawled in to a ball and cried. What else was I suppose to do? Hope that Dan would find me in this . . . hell? I didn't open my eyes. There was absolutely no point. If I were to open my eyes I would be greeted by the black obis. I was scared. That's when I heard his voice. I could only make out a small part of his face. His piercing brown eyes locked into mine.

Dan then spoke up "The first time that I saw you, that night l had never seen anything so perfect. I remember thinking I had to have you or I'd die.Then you whispered you loved me, and I felt so peaceful."

My mind took over my heart and I shouted, " I hate you. I hate you so much."

Dan replied " No, you don't. You can't."

I whimpered " I should, I should hate you. I can't let you be in this. It's just too much, to much pain, memories. I can't drag you into this. I can't love you."

Dan then shouted " I did everything to make you happy, I put so much effort in to make you smile. But that smile was fake wasn't it? So was your love for me."

I said tearing up " I want to be with you but I just can't. I'm . . . I'm scared,"

Dan then stated " You don think I'm scared? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared to move. I'm scared to breathe. I'm scared to touch you, in fear that I'll just mess everything up." Dan then continued with tears about to fall from his eyes, " You made me love you, you let me in. Then you f**king die in my arms."

" What are you talking about?" I said confused.

Dan then said " Don't do that. You're dead. You killed yourself and I couldn't save you. I tried, but it wasn't enough, I'm never enough,"

I looked down with tears rolling down both of our cheeks. Suddenly I was surrounded by a pool of red liquid. Then it hit me. This was mine. My blood. I was dead. . . I started to scream. Scream as loud as I could.

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ok this was a CrAZy chapter. Please vote, comment, and share, and thank you all for the support :))

Kk bye!