Creating Control

Repeating Mistakes

Chapter 7~ Repeating Mistakes

I felt trapped within the confines of a four, white walled room. The walls seemed to echo the sounds of my heartbeat, leaving me in a panic at the incessant repetition of the rapid thump of it. Blood rushing through my veins was audible within the confines as well.

It was like torture, even worse punishment than the spanking I received from Mr. Faber. The isolation in the white room was making me go insane. The repeating noise of my heart and blood flowing echoed loudly in my head, seeming to pound against my skull with every repetition. Pain was all I could feel.

"P-please let me-e out! I-I won't do it a-again! P-p-please!"

My calls seemed to reach nowhere except the walls and back to my head. Tears were cascading down my cheeks as I begged for release from this four, white walled prison. I banged against the wall with as much force as my shaking body could provide. The white walls turned red with the blood that began to spill from my hand as I punched the white brick walls. I didn't care about the blood--it seemed to only push me forward. I needed to get out.

"Someone help me!"

"Jasper!"

My body was being shaken, forcing me to open my eyes. This time I was met with the familiarity of my bedroom, not the white four walls of that torturous isolation room. My eyes were still wide in fear as I turned my gaze towards the person who woke me up.

Avalon stood there, looking at me with so much worry in her eyes. I could only gaze back at her as my body still shook in shock from the nightmare. Slowly everything seemed to break down as I watched tears fall from Ava's eyes. I knew what she was thinking; I was falling back into my old ways, becoming the me that almost died at my own hands.

"Jasper, you're not going back there," she whispered, her voice void of any of the dominance I was used to and liked. I knew she had a double meaning--the white, four walled room and my past--but there was something that made me not want to believe her.

"What are you doing here, Ava?" I whispered, holding my blanket tightly in my hand, afraid to let it go.

"It's almost noon, and I wanted to hear about you and Mr. Faber's night. I've been here for an hour waiting for you to wake up, and then you just started screaming. And I..." she broke off, her voice cracking.

"I'm sorry, Ava..." I whispered. I lifted my blanket and beckoned her to come in with me. This was what we did when one--usually me--was sad: cuddle together beneath the blanket. The feeling of having her, a warm and familiar body, close made me feel safe. I cuddled into her chest as she wrapped her arms around me and gently stroked a hand through my hair. The action made me purr slightly at the purely blissful feeling. It reminded me of Mr. Faber, and I began to wish he was here.

We sat like this for what felt like hours, even though it had been only a few minutes. My body finally stopped shaking, and Ava and I both stopped crying. Turning my head up slightly, I gazed at her with a small smile. She returned the small smile.

"So, babe, are you going to tell me what you and Mr. Faber did yesterday?" Ava asked, almost sounding like Anna when she asked Elsa, do you want to build a snowman?

"Well," I looked down towards my hands, blushing.

"Ooohh, come on, Jase!" she squealed.

"He... he s-spanked me f-for hurting myself. But h-he held me after, and I f-felt so s-s-safe, unl-like h--" I cut myself off, burying my face into my hands.

"Jase, that's how you should feel with a dominate: safe. Don't think about her, please? She was so cruel to you. Mr. Faber is good for you," Ava spoke, some of the familiar dominance returning to her voice, then she continued, "What happened after?"