CAPTURE THE ODD

The choice of love

The whisper of her voice,

The scent of her smell,

The look in her eyes,

The taste of her kiss,

The feel of her touch,

All the sense of love is long gone ever since she left.

"We can't go on."

"I'm not the one."

"You can find someone better."

June 27th

I wake up by the voices in my dream. It has been a week since the breakup. Yet, I still couldn't get myself together.

I don't wake up smiling at my phone, anymore. I don't ask her which tie should I wear today, anymore. I don't have to take the longer routine to work, anymore. I don't have a company during lunch, anymore. I don't have to reply any texts during meetings, anymore. I don't have someone to wait for after work, anymore. I don't have to get drained during rainy day, anymore. I don't have to apologise for being late, anymore. I don't need to struggle for cold wars, anymore. I don't have to spend money to buy forgiveness, anymore. I don't have to wait for someone before bed, anymore. I don't have love, anymore.

I don't have anything anymore.

July 3rd

This afternoon, I went to the café that we used to go on every date. But that day, the waitress asked me "Where is she?" I smiled and told her you were on OT. I still couldn't bare the fact that everything has to change from two to one. I wish I could cry for a while, at least it seems like some part of me have already accepted the fact that I am alone now. But I look into the mirror, an empty shell with a hollow heart.

I wish I could stay in the past forever.

Jul 31st

I blacked out this morning. By the time I was conscious, I was already in the hospital. Though, the doctor told me that I should do a body check up again. But it's probably lack of sleep. Every night the memory is haunting me. Haunting me like I've betray them and trying to bury them away, deep inside so that not a single part of me would recall. But that's not possible unless I've lost my memory. No, even if I lost my memory, part of my body would probably still remember your accompany, your habits, your everything.

Nothing can be forgotten.

Aug 2nd

You are happy. It's been a while since I last see you smile and laugh so brightly. Could it be that I've miss out a lot. But all we did was arguing, debating, frowning, shouting, crying. Did I forget to listen to you? Did I look at you a different way? Have I changed? Did you changed? It must be me.

I can't give you what he gave you. I can't hold you like the way he hold you.

Today, I finally cry.

September 3rd

Lately, I'm not feeling anywhere better. I thought time could heal but it doesn't seem like it. My body is weak, I couldn't catch up with my breathe sometime. My vision becomes foggy, my eyes couldn't concentrate. I lost my balance easily, I fell on the straight clear path.

This morning, I blacked out again. I was persuaded to do the whole body checkup again and this time, I did it because my parents came all the way from hometown to see me. I wouldn't want them to worry me at such old age. Since I couldn't do everything like I used to do, I couldn't focus on everything I used to be, I couldn't do anything I used to do anymore, I've decided to quit the job and get a rest.

I'm leaving here alone.

September 10th

I went back to my hometown today. I miss them a lot. They let me feel welcomed and loved again, that I've thought I've forgotten what it feels like. This love that cannot be compare to any in this world.

I recalled all of my memory by walking to every corner of this old town I used to run around, mess around in. Everything is nostalgic to me and meaningful to me. It seems like a little too late for me to realize that there's more different kind of love in this world that I should be cherishing but better than never realize.

Hometown is a place where I could stay forever.

September 11th

I missed a call from the hospital, probably to collect my checkup result. But I was at the airport departing to Australia soon. I couldn't manage to call back but I received their message.

I love New Zealand. It is nice, refreshing, calming. It is where I wanted to visit before my last breathe. I used to make wishes like hoping that one day I could go there with my love one. But, it isn't that bad to go alone. I get to do whatever I want, whatever based on myself.

I live for myself, not anyone.

September 30th

It's time to go home. It's been weeks since I arrived New Zealand. Time to go back to where I was wounded badly with a bigger heart now.

Before I flew to New Zealand, I received a message from the hospital. They told me that I've diagnosed brain cancer. The cancer is pressuring my vision nerves causing my vision to blur and loss balance easily. There was plenty of time when I fell blacked out in New Zealand. But I have to do what I want to do before I go back to the hospital. I only have one life to spend no matter how short it is, how awful it is, how bittersweet it is, it is still my lifetime.

We only live one life.

October 1st

The treatment is suffering that most of the time I wanted to quit and just die. But as I look at my parents' weary eyes, I couldn't give up. I must hang in there. I must get better.

I must live for them.

October 17th

Treatment doesn't help. Treatment seems hopeless. Although, everyone is telling me that I will get better. I will be alright. But I know very well how long I will last til my last breathe.

To my parents, I am sorry. I'm sorry I didn't give you my time when I could. I didn't spare time for any of you that have given me the love more than I deserved. Only at my worst, I realized how selfish I was all these years and all I could give is money, money and money. As I realized all of these, it was already too late. But believe me, if there is a chance for me to go back in time, I would change everything. I would give you all my time, give you all I have. Give you the love that you have been longing for. Please forgive your disgraceful son.

To compensate everything that I've done, don't you worry mum dad, I will carry your love everywhere I go from now on, I promise.

Throughout the year, I've learnt that the importance of love is not the person we've loved but the love that we've shared. That is when a soul starts living the life, with love. Love is actually something we are living with but we are too vulnerable to truths and changes that we've forget about love. Love is always been mistaken as a feeling that comes and goes easily, and that, makes people ugly and awful.

I've gone through how love destroys a life and rebuilt a life. I've known the power of love. But I do believe in one thing, that we are the one that hold the faith of love. We are the choice of our life.

Perhaps, I could've chosen a better life than this but this would be the last chapter of my life.

The whisper of the love,

The scent of the love,

The vision of the love,

The taste of the love,

The feeling of love,

All the sense of love will always be there even after we left.

Love,

Choice

[COMPLETED]

Chances of having next chapter: NONE

One time story.