Commander Alpha

Chapter 17

Bianca's POV

"I don't know."  Those three terrible words rang in my ears.  Would my best friend of nearly three hundred years live?  "I don't know."  Would I ever get to apologize for letting her do something that ultimately lead to her losing a limb and possibly even dying?  "I don't know."  Would I ever be able to forgive myself?  "I don't know."
It had been several hours since the blast.  Percy and I were sitting on opposite sides of Emma's bed.  Percy was hunched over with his elbows on his knees and his head on his hands, facing the floor.  Chaos had stormed in, freaking out a couple minutes after Emma was healed.  Although Percy technically was his only child, or adopted child,  he still treated us all like we were his own.  Chaos checked on Emma, said that he could do nothing to help her, and left to attend to the ever present responsibilities of the creator of the universe.  The other Warriors went back to the cabin to get some rest, but we all knew that no one in the Chaos cabin would be sleeping tonight.  I was past the point of tears.  I just felt... empty.  Nico had come and comforted me for a few hours, but eventually left for some shut-eye before the sun rose. 
Percy was sitting silently, eating himself up over the blast.  I wanted to comfort him, but I couldn't.  I couldn't tell him it wasn't his fault because it was.  If he'd only kept in control of himself and not let Emma in that room with him then- I needed to stop thinking like that.  I couldn't afford to.  I was sure that Percy blamed himself more than I blamed him.  I remembered that loyalty was his fatal flaw.  He'd be beating himself up over this for a very long time.  This train of thought made me remember my own flaw.  Grudges.  I closed my eyes and sighed.  I had to make sure that blame I was placing on Percy wouldn't evolve into a grudge.  The problem was, Emma was always the one to talk me out of my grudges, to make me see how they would hurt instead of help.  But she couldn't do that now, or possibly ever again.  I felt tears well up in my eyes.  At that point, I was surprised I had any left to cry.  I felt a warm hand on my back.
"How are you?" The soft, melodic voice asked.  I turned to see Silena standing in front of me, balancing two steaming mugs in one hand.  I shrugged.  She handed me a mug.  I took a sip, and a rich, smooth, chocolatey flavor met my lips.  Silena made the best hot chocolate ever.
"Thanks." My voice cracked.  I hadn't used it since I screamed in the hall when I heard the explosion.  Silena and I sat silently for a few moments.  I finished my hot chocolate and put it on the table next to Emma's bed.  I looked at Silena's face.  The child of Aphrodite's makeup was running down her cheeks, her eyes were puffy and bloodshot, her rumpled pajama shirt was covered in tear stains, and her hair was a mess, but she couldn't seem to care less.  I leaned my head on Silena's shoulder, and she rubbed my back comfortingly.
Silena and I's moment was interrupted by a gasp and a quickly following sob.  I watched as Hestia rushed to Emma's side. 
"Is she, oh my, what happened?" Hestia turned to us, her shoulder catching on fire in her distress.  Silena gave her a brief rundown on the events that had conspired.  "Hubris." The goddess whispered.
"What?" I asked.
"Pride." The goddess looked up at us tearfully.  "Her fatal flaw.  She thought she could calm him down but," the goddess broke down, not able to continue.  This brought a whole new wave of tears on Silena and I, as well as Percy.  I could tell by the shaking of his body that he was crying harder than any of us.  I could just see his purple tears falling from his chin. 
The goddess stood up after a few minutes.  "I have some business to tend to on Olympus."  She looked at Emma.  "Please don't leave me again."  Hestia whispered so quietly that I knew that she didn't think that me, Silena and Percy would hear.  Thanks to their Chaos-enhanced senses, which seemed to be coming in handy this mission, we did.  The goddess stood up and disappeared in a warm flame, leaving behind feelings of hope and warmth, but also sadness and despair.  Finally, Silena's comforting aura lulled me to sleep.
• • •
I woke up in my bed, refreshed from the night's sleep.  I yawned and got up.
"Hey Emma!" I called, walking to my best friend's room.  "You'll never guess the crazy dream I-" I stopped short.  No one was in her room.  Her bed was actually made.  Something was wrong.  My blood turned to ice.  I raced to the medical tent faster that I would've thought possible.  I assured myself that I'd just find an empty bed.  Then I'd feel a tap on my shoulder and find Emma behind me, calling me lazy for getting up so late.  Then I'd laugh and we'd race to the arena and have a friendly, yet violent fight, just to train and blow off steam. 
I had assured myself of this false reality so well that by the time I reached the medical tent, it was almost a shock to find Emma laying in the bed, her skin the color of the white sheets she laid on.  Although it looked to be about midday, Percy was still beside Emma's bed in the exact same position I had left him in. 
"Alpha," I called.  No response.  "Percy!"  He jumped and looked up.  His eyes were bloodshot and tinged purple from crying.  He had dark circles under his eyes and had been biting his lip so much it was bleeding.  I sucked in air between my teeth at his appearance. 
"Man," a voice behind me said. "You need to go take a shower and get some sleep." I turned to see Luke behind me, just as saddened at Percy's reaction as I was.  Percy shook his head, letting it fall back to the ground.
"No, I can't." He whispered.
"Why not?" Luke asked, trying to be annoying and get some kind of reaction.  It didn't work.
"My fault." Percy mumbled.
"What?" Luke questioned.
"It's my fault." Percy looked up again, and I could truly see how much he meant those words.  My heart constricted at the his horror and guilt-filled face.
Luke walked up to Percy and slapped him in the face.  Hard.
"You stop that right now." He growled.  "You go in there and shower and take care of yourself.  Do you really think this is what she would want you to be doing?  Moping around her bedside 24/7, not eating or sleeping?  It's not going to wake her up.  It's not going to take back what happened.  But do you know what it could do?  Make the army feel terrible.  Make us lose the war.  You are our commander, so act like it!"  By now, Luke was in Percy's face, yelling.  "So go be our commander." Luke issued this last part almost like a challenge.
"Thank you." Percy said.  He got up and walked to the cabin, limping slightly from sitting in a hard chair all night.  Luke sighed and sat down in the seat Percy had just vacated.
"He needed that." I told him.
"I know."  Luke frowned.  "That personal loyalty is going to get him killed someday."