Revolting Rose

Chapter 18/Part 2 - Faecal Matters

The door behind her was still wide open, so Franz scurried over to close it before sorting through the scattered maps. There was one for just about every city in Tyrunvern, from the Alpharos over Drakeways, to every hovel in the Alphodel Meadows on the Birdward side of Tyrunvern. What he did not expect, however, was a partially drawn palace on an Amphelian island.

"I think this is the one ye were looking for," Feidai said, plucking a map titled 'Thereth Fortress' from the pile.

She cleared the desk and laid it out while Franz frantically grabbed the papers she had sent fluttering toward the fireplace. Once they were safely stowed away from fiery doom, he joined Feidai in poring over the map.

"This'd be the daftest map I ever did see, yar," she said, hands on her hips and a pensive crease between her warty eyebrows.

"What's wrong with it?" Franz asked, failing to see any problem with it.

"It's nay even a map, it's just a bunch o' coloured squiggles with names beside."

"It makes perfect sense. You have to go to the second cap of this shroom to get to the third cap of this one, and—"

"Darklings make everything too complicated, yar." Feidai was as bad at map-reading as Saloonka. "How are ye supposed to pick a good spot with this kind o' map?"

"I'd need your advice on that. This mushroom has the most connections, so it would be the easiest to get everyone in and out of, or there's this one over here with only one way out."

"Which one is bigger, yar? We need enough space to brawl."

"How should I know?"

"Then 'ow will ye know if the army will fit, ye daft blighter?!"

"A map isn't going to help with that," Franz huffed. He had not really considered that. Although he had visited Thereth almost every year after the season, he had only seen a small portion of its shrooms and could not recall the name of the largest.

"If ye darklings had proper maps, ye would know. It's nay use lookin' at this hogwash."

Franz reluctantly conceded and rolled up the map. "Perhaps I could send some decorators in to report back on suitable shrooms."

"Nay, I'll go scout for ye. Wouldn't trust a darkling to navigate yer way out o' a spud sack," Feidai grumbled and stashed the others back inside her petticoat. "I'll 'ave to ask Sally if 'e'll be alright on 'is own fer a spell."

"I'm sure he'll be fine. The rest of us will still be here."

"Aye, I'll ask 'im," she said in a manner that suggested she had no confidence at all in Franz nor the other marbles. "And I'll borrow that silly carriage o' Alphonse's."

Franz followed her from the room to watch her navigational skill in action. "Won't it draw too much attention?" he asked.

She was heading in the right direction so far, following all the correct stalks to the main staircase.

"Aye, that's why I'm usin' it. I'm a pie-rat, no' a sneak-thief."

"What's the difference?"

Feidai was half way to swinging her leg over the balustrade when she stopped and wrinkled her gnarled nose at him.

"Yar." She slid down.

Franz had a hard time keeping up as he scurried down the stairs in pursuit. It seemed his question was the first thing that had ever got under her crusty skin.