;여섯

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november 7

as soon as we got to school, that's when i noticed i forgot to bring a jacket. it was getting cold and i had no other way to warm myself up. i didn't even expect it to be cold too. i blew air into my hands and started rubbing together in an attempt to try and become warm but it wasn't that effective. i could probably go and run back to the house but we were already in front of the school gates.

it seemed the same, no matter what day it was, i would always find myself standing in front of the gates for a few seconds then finally stepping onto the campus. it was almost as if i was afraid of something. but what? i didn't know exactly what but i had that feeling. something felt off. nothing at this moment felt real, as if i was dreaming. but i shook that thought off, my mind is probably not thinking straight.

i stepped onto campus, jihoon already in class, and jihye at her locker, holding a paper with writing on it. i haven't realized that i didn't talk to her in a long while so i went up to her.

" what's that paper there? "
" n-nothing. "
" are you su-"
" it's a confession from jinyoung. "
" what? "

she then ran away from her locker, clutching the paper that i assumed was the confession. she was nowhere in sight and i was caught off guard. a confession from jinyoung? wow, he must have courage to do that.

but it made me more curious. since when did jinyoung like her? does she like him back? will he confess to her one day? these questions kept running through my head and those same bunch of feelings came back. argh, why are they back? i don't even have feelings for him but i feel so affected by this. i must be tired.

i entered the class, not making eye contact with anyone including Jihoon. he found it odd that i did that and was slightly worried but didn't want to ask about it, knowing i'm not the type to openly express it. i sat down in my seat, slowly sliding down my chair before coming to a halt.

the bell rang and class was now in session. i didn't focus on the lesson, as i was trying to collect my thoughts. jinyoung gave jihye a confession letter. it could then lead to them dating. something felt odd about that and i started to get a slight headache. the pain wouldn't go away so i couldn't continue my train of thought.

i excused myself and went to the health room by myself. i left my belongings in class knowing that Jihoon would watch over them or maybe bring them to me depending on how long i'm here. the nurse was nowhere to be found, which in my opinion was a good thing as i had peace and quiet to myself.

i didn't have much to do in here but i didn't want to go to class. my options were to leave the health room and walk around the school or go back to class. i went with the first option, something i would like to try out. so i left the room, and headed towards the direction of the stairs that led to the rooftop no student knew about. it was closed off for private reasons but that was just to keep students away.

in no time, i arrived at the rooftop. not much had changed from when i last came here, except the fact that there were unused desks and chairs much to my convenience. i walked around the area for a bit, daring myself to even step foot on the ledge. i did in fact, took one step onto it, my other foot following slowly after and there i was. in front of me, lay the soccer field and also the other class buildings. the breeze felt way much better up here than back in class. almost as if being here didn't feel real. probably because it isn't. maybe.

i decided to go and sit down on the ledge this time. standing was just too much. i was ready to sit, making sure my uniform didn't rise any higher when i felt someone grab my wrist, preventing me from....sitting down? that's something new. i was then dragged away from the rooftop itself, down to the staircase leading back to where my class is. i was ready to go back to class but the person stopped abruptly, throwing my wrist down harshly. i look up to see a serious jinyoung. he didn't look angry or upset, but more of a worried look. did he think i was going to...?

" what were you thinking jiyoon? what were you going to do? "
" i was just going to sit on the ledge? "
" sit on the ledge?! are you crazy??? someone could've pushed you off or done something to you and you wouldn't have noticed because your back was facing them!! do you ever think sometimes? do you?? "

i usually never feel hurt whenever it comes to people saying this to me. but hearing it come out of his mouth had a somewhat impact on me. like why would he care for me in the first place? it's not like we had a special relationship or anything. my head started aching again but i pushed it away. i didn't want to let such small things affect me.

" you know what, you are right bae jinyoung. i never really think sometimes. or maybe i don't think at all. and you wanna know the reason for it? because people like you just literally just ruin the fun and freedom that i'll ever get in a while. and i hate people like that. "

i stormed off, obviously leaving him puzzled at what i said. all that matters is that i probably said the worst thing ever to a person who doesn't deserve words like mines.

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