Reckless Fearless Careless | ✓

2-Sorry Sir, Girl Problems

Play Make Me (Cry) by Noah Cyrus ft. Labrinth for this chapter.
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Chapter 2: Sorry Sir, Girl Problems

I know it's pathetic to cry but I don't care. James just broke up with me. Two years of my life wasted on him. Sure it was only a high school romance but it felt like so much more. I truly believed that I had fallen for him and I thought that he felt the same way. I guess I was wrong.

He never cared about me. If he did this wouldn't have happened. He probably didn't even like me, I mean he did describe me as:

Boring.

Safe.

Stale.

No fun.

Not daring.

Not reckless.

These were his words. He said these harsh things.

He doesn't think I know how to enjoy myself and I guess he felt as though I couldn't give him what he wanted. I can't blame him for that. As much as it pains me, if I don't make him happy I don't make him happy, simple as that. It doesn't stop it hurting like a bitch though.

They say that if you love someone you should let them go. Whoever came up with that is an idiot. It's nowhere near as easy as it sounds. It's almost like saying if you're happy, give up what makes you happy. It doesn't really make sense in the grand scheme of things.

How am I supposed to give up the love of my life? How am I supposed to just move on? How am I supposed to be that selfless?

Sure, I want him to be happy, in fact, his happiness is more important to me than my own but I don't think I can let him go.

I value him above myself and I thought he felt the same.

I would have taken a bullet for him, I still would, and I thought he felt the same.

I would have done anything in my power just to see him smile and I thought he felt the same.

It turns out I was wrong. He didn't feel the same.

I guess that to make him smile I need to let him be with someone who can make him that happy. That person is not me. No matter how much I wish it was, it's not.

James. I really cared about him, I still do, but my feelings aren't going to be reciprocated. Face it Aurora, he's not going to suddenly turn around and say 'gotcha' is he? He's gone and I need to look past him. I need to move on. I know I need to but I don't think I can.

Many people have said that everyone only has one true love. James was mine, I'm sure if it. I hope that one day I'll find another but I doubt it. If I was only meant to ever have one love I've already experienced mine.

I hope fate is kind. I hope I'm given a second chance. Love is a crazy thing with no determined direction; it could suddenly change path or just stop completely. The scary thing is we have no control over it.

After a few more minutes of letting the tears stream down my cheeks, I walk over to one of the sinks and splash some cold water onto my face so it doesn't look like I've been crying. I look up at my reflection to see that my eyes are still red and puffy but my cheeks don't look tear stained anymore so I think I'll be okay.