Reckless Fearless Careless | ✓

Epilogue

Epilogue

*Unknown POV*

Just as the clock strikes one she emerges through the squeaky double doors. She looks so alive, the happiest I've ever seen her, seemingly never not donning a wide smile; bright and joyous, her laughs ringing through the air like melodic bells.

I sigh as I stab the unappetising chicken with my fork, people babbling around me, enjoying having a break between classes. I can't concentrate on their words though, only able to look at the girl who has captivated me for many years as she flicks a strand of her brunette hair from her face.

She doesn't even glance in my direction as she walks across the room to her table and I'm not sure whether to feel hurt or relieved by that.

However, I know I don't have the right to be upset so I choose the latter, sighing out a strained breath as she sits down, immediately leaning her head on his shoulder and chatting animatedly.

I must come across very creepy, watching her, but it's almost impossible to look away. After a few moments, I turn my head with a frown and talk to my friends to distract myself but I can't help my eyes wandering back to her every so often.

~*~*~

The next day I do the same again. It's been this way for months now but having him next to her is a new addition. I heard that they started dating recently and I guess that's why she's so happy.

Did I ever make her feel like that?

I hope I did but that doesn't matter anymore because I threw it all away. I lost the centre of my world and it's completely my fault.

I sullenly twirl the spaghetti around my fork, rhythmically drumming my fingers on the table as I do.

I hurt her and now she's hurting me without even realising. I deserve this and I know that. What I did was wrong and it's only right that I pay for my actions but damn does this hurt, a nagging ache in my chest, a vice gripe clamping around my heart getting tighter and tighter.

I wish that I could take it all back, reverse time so she'd be mine again but I can't. I've lost her for good.

If I'd only told her the truth none of this would've happened; she'd be laughing, hand intertwined with mine, not his. She'd be whispering into my ear softly, not his and goosebumps would raise on my skin, not his.

But I couldn't. I was too cowardly to admit what happened, instead, I pushed her away and forced her out of my life. I'm still not over what happened but I realise now that it might've actually been easier if she was by my side. I could've dealt with this with her but, no, I just had to run away and ruin everything.

I know she would've stuck by my side and helped me through this but, I guess, I couldn't let her, or anyone for that matter, see me so vulnerable.

I was too selfish.

I drove her away.

When I saw her on the first day of the new school year, I knew I couldn't tell her what had happened. At the time, I pretended it was so she wouldn't get worried over me but deep down I know it was for my own selfish intentions and in protecting myself I hurt her even more.

I heard about how much she cried over me and that destroyed me beyond words. I never wanted that and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself for hurting the girl that I still love.

What made it even worse was when I kissed Chloe right in front of her. She found out about what had happened over summer somehow and threatened to tell everyone what happened if I didn't go out with her. She'd wanted to date me for a while, seeing as I was the football captain and she was the cheerleading one but I'd always been smitten by my princess and over the years this irked her more and more.