in love with 5sos!1!1!!1!11!

good morning

I wake up to find Luke staring at me. Aww cute. "Good morning my precious beautiful amazing perfect little angel bean from they heavens" he says.

"Oh, hey you" I say. I can see why they're all in love with me, I do have a way with words.

"Last night was the most utterly spectacular experience I have ever had in my entire life" he said winking. "Yeah" I said. Once again, I have a way with words.

And superhuman powers. Man I know that everyone I know (my parents) always tells me I'm perfect but since I'm so perfect my perfect humility gets the best of me and I humbly deny that I'm  perfect by yelling in their faces.

I check my phone. According to the tour agenda they should've been on the road 2 hours ago.

"Hey what about the tour?" I asked the love of my life.

"Oh we canceled the rest of it because of you.

They should. I'm amazing. "Oh okay thanks"

Anyway I get up and get dressed into my outfit from yesterday and walk out.

As I walk into the room all eyes are on me.

"Good morning Kayla" they all say in unison sounding like some creepy ass dolls but it's still sensual af.

"DOLLA DOLLA MAKE A MOOSE HOLLAAAAAAAAA" I reply sexually.

They all sighed and stared dreamily into my eyes like they do in really shitty romantic comedies.

"I need to poop" I say.

Ashton immediately leaps off of the couch like a sexy ballerina frog.

"Follow me my precious" he says, his face only an inch away from mine, his breath bothering my nose and burning my eyes all in the hottest way possible. The sentence and the closeness immediately gets me all troubled and flustered.

I don't know what it is about Ashton but he makes me feel a certain way. Every time I see him play his drums I want to be those drums.

"Yeah let's do it" I say. He grabs my hand and squeezes it. Fun.

"I like your hair" he says and then he sniffs my hair. "And it smells good too, like new cars."

I blushed as red as ketchup again.

"I like your hair too" I say and I sniff his hair. "It smells like bad air, sweat, and sex."

We get to the bathroom and I poop. I walk out and see Ashton on his phone.

"Hey" says daddy Ashton "what do you want to do now?"

"I want to tongue kiss you" I say. He immediately agrees and we tongue kiss. It was great until ...

LUKE WALKED BY

He made this weird distorted pteradactyl screech that distracts Ashton and I.

"Hi Lukey Pookie" I say perfectly because I'm perfect and my dad is rich. He makes the weird pteradactyl screech again and runs off. "Weird" I say to Ashton. We decide to walk back to the guys.

"Guys I need to go to my house now bye" I say. "Wait!" Ashton screams. "Lol what?" I ask. "Lets have sex in your car." he says. "Totally" I say.

Then we have sex in my car. I expect his dicky to be smaller than Lukey's because Lukey's dicky is 12 inches but Ashtons dicky is 15 inches and almost breaks my vagina. Anyway it was great then I went home to my 29 bed 7 story mansion that we have because my dad is rich. Ashton tells me he loves me and he loves my belly button. He did play with my belly button but not as good as Lukey but it was okay because it was really hot. Anyway then I watch Netflix. Then I realize Ashton didn't use a condom. Oh well. I eat my gourmet microwaved popcorn that I could afford because my dad is rich.

"Hi honey" my completely irrelevant mother says, not noticing that I was missing until noon.

"Mother" I spit because I hate my mom even though she's a great mom because I'm ungrateful and entitled but mainly because the main characters in all my favorite books and movies unnecessarily hates their mothers for no reason whatsoever so I need to do that.

Anyway my mom says "I know you're pregnant." WHAT? IM PREGNANT?

"WOAH MY AMAZING MOTHER WHO I HATE WHY AM I SUDDENLY PREGNANT WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN???"

"I'm a mother so I have special superhuman mother powers and I can always tell when people are pregnant."

"Oh okay" I say.

"Abort it" she says.

"I don't really want to tbh" I say.

"Then I'm disowning you" she says.

"WHA WHA???" I screech.

"I'm sorry baby. I don't want to, but parents are supposed to disown their teens if they're pregnant that's what the government told us and you're dad's busy being a lawyer but I divorced him yesterday anyway because he was cheating on me with the maid anyway pack your clothes I'll find you a big house" she says all in one breath.

"I don't need a house" I say. Then I walk upstairs to my 4 bedrooms and pack all my clothes. At the end have 22 suitcases and a duffel bag. I have 8 servants carrying all my suitcases for me. I call Ashton.

"Hi Ashton I'm pregnant with your baby and I need to move in with you guys because my mom disowned me" I say.

"That's fabulous darling" he says I'm so glad he took the pregnancy well.

I get to the house that 5sos bought after they decided to live in my city because they love me and I walk in. Lukey is still mad at me for tongue kissing Ashton but he randomly starts making out with me anyway when I walk in. The servants put down all my suitcases while I get into a heated make out session with Lukey pookie.

"Okay guys I'm moving in" I say.

"Okay" everyone says.

And then Michael pulls me away. Michael is bald because he dyed his hair 690 times and eventually it all disintegrated but it's okay because I have a bald fetish.

He says he's gonna show me my room and I say okay so we go to my room and then when we're there I tell him I want to give him oral and I do.

But while I'm sucking on his bald balls somebody walks in.