Tales Between the Lines

I.3 The Fault in the Laws

Destiny mused that having Time on your side certainly was no guarantee against disaster. But another earthquake decided the case at hand and drove the apocalyptians into action. Destiny picked up Cat and followed Time down Spaceship's hallway. In the far distance, a green arrow flashed and pointed them towards the stairs to the second floor.

Destiny briefly wondered about stairs on a spaceship, but then she remembered the stairways to heaven metaphor and accepted the fact.

Cat visibly enjoyed being carried and continued to play sick while more pedantic arrows led them to the medbay. As soon as Destiny placed Cat onto a cot, Spaceship harrumphed.

"Um, would someone mind climbing down to the bridge and push the big red starting button on the main panel?" Spaceship said, through its intercom. "I'd like to get off this cliff, and I guess you owe me."

Time, still carrying Butterfly on his forehead, reluctantly followed a new set of orange arrows towards another, possibly even darker stair leading deep down into Spaceship's innards.

In the meantime, Destiny stroked Cat's soft belly, completely amazed by the calming quality of this simple action. Cat didn't complain. To the contrary, he started to purr contentedly and stretched his legs.

A deep rumbling sound rolling through Spaceship announced that their time was running out. Obviously, Time hadn't yet found the button in question.

But he had found the inflight communications system. Time's eerily timeless voice filled medbay through several gigantic speakers.

"Spaceship, this big red button you mentioned has a mind of its own. It insists only the true Captain has a right to push it. Any ideas?"

"Yes, my red button only accepts pushing by the true Captain," Spaceship said, cheerfully. "I'm so sorry."

"But we need to get away from here." Destiny's words were underlined by yet another tremor. "Like right now. Can't we make Time your Captain?"

"Only the ship's owner can do that."

Time, still staring at the red button on the bridge, had a nerdy idea. "Spaceship, are you subject to the law of robotics?"

"Of course." Spaceship had memorised them and was happy to show off. It cleared its speakers and started:

"1. A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

"2. A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

"3. A robot must protect its own—"

An especially wild quake made Spaceship tilt by a few degrees.

"—existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Laws."

"Okay..." Time grinned, knowing he now held Spaceship by its metaphorical balls. "By staying here and refusing to take flight, you will allow human beings to come to harm through inaction. That contravenes paragraph 1. Further, we herewith give you order to fly, and you have to obey under paragraph 2."

"Good thinking. Let me check..." Spaceship hummed contentedly while pondering the situation. "Sorry, won't work, mate. My sensors report that you are non-humans. We have three metaphors here, and one... metapheroid."

Cat hissed.

Time swore under his breath. "But then, at least paragraph 3 applies. You must protect your own existence by flying off, or you'll crash into that valley when the cliff crumbles."
"Alas, I've already considered that." Spaceship sighed. "I'm made of an eternium alloy, and therefore I'm virtually indestructible. A fall into the valley would, of course, be unpleasant and scratch my beautiful paintwork, but it won't threaten my existence." Resuming its humming, it considered matters some more. "There's one issue, though. When I fall, you folks will be smashed against my interior decor. That's not a threat to my existence, though, but your goo-ification will make an utter mess... so, I have to ask you to leave now."

The apocalyptians were lost for words.

"Er...", Spaceship added, as an afterthought, "I'm sorry, guys. It's been a pleasure to chat with you."

At this, Butterfly spread its wings and fluttered around Time's head in distress. The accompanying thunder was the proverbial last drop and finally shook loose the rock shelf Spaceship sat on. It started to slip sideways towards the abyss. 

Cat clung to the medical cot with an arched back, fangs bared in panic.

Destiny stared at the frightened feline and pondered all Spaceship had said and done so far. Something with its robotic brain definitely seemed off. Suddenly, Destiny had an idea.

"Spaceship, who's your owner?"

Spaceship, gaining momentum by the second, chirped happily. "I don't remember. But who cares. Don't you think this slide-thing is fun? Glad to have you along for the ride. Maybe we should get to know each other a bit better. What's your name, kitty? I'm fond of your kind, you know."

Cat didn't find the peace of mind to appreciate this fondness. But Destiny smiled. Apparently, Spaceship suffered from a severe case of electronic Alzheimer's disease.
Time, always a fast thinker, even while clinging to the console with the ominously glowing red starting button, jumped in. "Well, kitty's name is Cat, and I'm called Time. Actually, you are a child of time. As your father, I claim the right to take command and press this fat red button."

Destiny grinned. She didn't need to point out to her companions destiny took a hand in these last proceedings. Nevertheless she was a tiny bit proud of her manoeuvre.
Cat's tail and hairs stood straight while Spaceship's engines cut in and, with a gigantic thrust, catapulted them out of the rockslide.

Spaceship giggled and deliberately somersaulted twice. While Time and Destiny tumbled helplessly around, Cat fell firmly onto his feet, as befits a member of his species.

Spaceship wasn't disturbed by the plight of its passengers.

"Daddy," it said in a cheery voice. "May I ask you a question?"

Time rolled its eyes. "Yeees?" his reply held the wary hesitation of any parent facing a child begging permission to ask a question.

"Where are we going, Dad?"

That sounded harmless enough. "To the Center of the Universe," he replied. After all, Universe had started this mess by tucking away the metaphors in that big store of his, and it was time to pay him a visit.

"Okay, Daddy. We're on our way. And, everyone, thank you for flying with us."

"Fine." Cat stretched his back and jumped from the medical cot. "I'm feeling better now. Let's find that fridge."