My book

Have You?

Have you ever felt like being trapped?

Trapped in a cage where nearly everything is wrong?

Or the feeling of being determined to go back somewhere or to something only to know everything is fading away?

The feeling where you just want to die?

That feeling after you realized your small mistakes escalated to the worse problems?

All the things you loved, now gone. Have you ever experienced that?

That feeling where you hate yourself for your stupidity?

Did you ever regret any decisions you made?

Where you almost forgot the things— THE ONES you loved as well, for it being gone?

If you do, then you'll understand me.

It hurts, right?

NO. this isn't about some love shit.

It isn't about those cliché problems.

This one is . . . weird.

Weird. A name I'm being called by my relatives.

If I'm too weird for you, let me go. Let me be free.

Let me feel happiness again.

Don't let it take over.

I think I need help.

Someone to just listen to me. In this place. This bullshit.

I'm being taken over.

Like I have no control of myself.

Am I weak? I think I am. Am I too unworthy? Maybe I am after all. Maybe I shouldn't live? What will they think of me? Should I try to escape? Would they come recapture me?

Will I live one more day in these broken mask?

You know, sometimes I just want to pile up all the things that happened to me. I want you all to know. But you'll think I'm just looking for attention. Maybe even now you're thinking that.

That's what we humans do. Judge. And that's why I hate people. They always try to find a way to ruin me. The world is cruel. Too cruel. They won't let me feel happy. They keep separating me from happiness.

And then put me in misery. That sweet misery that always satisfies the world.

God. I don't deserve anything. I just want to die to end it all.

I'm not even satisfied with anything anymore. I can't find them. What's there to live for? Am I waiting for nothing? Was there even anything to begin with? Am I just an accident? Am I God's error? People say God never makes mistakes. Well now we have one.

I can't find what I want anymore. I hate the world. Fuck the world. Fuck me.

I hate myself.