Breathe

Chapter 1 - Shirtsleeves

Rain—enveloped in the cold wind that brushed against my skin as I stood before him. It held a bitter, suffocating scent that was beginning to fill my nostrils. Yet despite its bitterness, I didn't feel a tightness in my chest. Though all our heads were downcast and the only sounds I could hear within the mile were the sounds of choked sobs and scattered raindrops, that feeling from before wasn't here.

Though tears were still falling from my eyes, I could see clearly now, I could hear clearly now—I was complete. All I felt was a burning sensation in my heart, a feeling of unrest. As my eyes glazed on his and her grave, all I could think of were the things I didn't do. And though it filled me with regret, it also filled me with desire—desire to finish this once and for all. I'll rather be next than not do it.

"Alastair," murmured a voice as its owner placed a hand on me, "I'm sorry for your loss."

I glanced back to see a man, wearing the understood monochrome uniform. Stretching my lips, I delivered him a smile, subtly flashing the teeth underneath.

"We weren't family. He was only my doctor. I just knew him well." Looking back at him, I gave him a softened smile. "But thank you. I'm sorry for your loss, too."

His eyebrows rose and his old wrinkles crinkled some more. His eyes widened, causing the dark circles underneath his eyes to become more pronounced. And then, the corners of his mouth tugged and he released a sigh. "Thank you, Alastair. You don't know how much that means to me."

Immediately, the misty, moist air seemed to lift and like so many times before, I became wrapped in the humid air of Libentinian summer. Closing my eyes, I imagined it to be all the people I had lost. I imagined the warmth of their touch, the warmth of their voice, the warmth of their eyes—everything I thought of was warm and loving. This summer heat was them—it was what kept them close to me.

Only words kept us apart.

I felt a cold hand touch my own and looked up. It was Phillip. Like everyone else, he had this saddened look on his face; a look that he usually never gave. Just by looking at him, I wanted to hold him, tell him that everything was going to be okay, tell him that we were all still together.

But his gaze wasn't on me. Following his gaze, I found what he was fixated on: the coffin of his mother. Unlike last time, the uncovered coffin was heavy.

I gripped his hand, and he gripped back. We stood together in silence. As he stared at her grave, I looked at him with empathy.

"My parents were good people," he said. "They tried their best to raise me and give me love. Mom loved me tenderly and Dad tried to, too. But soon, it was hard for him because he was struggling with losing Mom. And he just... he just didn't want me to be hurt. So he kept his charade up for so many years. And sometimes, he couldn't keep it up and blew up. Before, I didn't understand why he was so harsh, why he kept trying to keep me out of the L.A. But now... now, I know." Brushing the tears away from his eyes, he murmured, "At least they're together now. I hope they're happy together. They deserve happiness."

"I'm sure they're happy wherever they are," I responded, "they're finally together now—they're finally lying next to each other. Though it's the first time in years, they'll stay like this for eternity."

He laughed. "Yeah, you're right. Dad's probably really happy now and knowing Mom, she's probably really happy, too. They're probably having a party without me. Dad's probably telling Mom all about how I grew up to be a weird kid and then turn around and talk about how proud he is of me for being good at beating people up."

"Is that something to be proud of?"

"Dad probably thinks it is," he said with a chuckle. "But whatever. Whatever makes him happy."

Our small talk died, but our fingers remained intertwined. Looking around, I searched for the others. Newvy was trying to calm down the sobbing Chris, who was draped on a small coffin. Axel and Luckas were simply staring at a larger one. As for Esmae and Dani, Esmae was locked on Dani's arm. The rain wasn't the only thing that tainted her shirtsleeves.

Eventually, the dreary day began to come to a close. Like the weather, the event's attendants began to leave. One after another, guests left the scene, bidding farewell to the cemetery's residents.

Soon, Phil's hand untwined from mine and he began to follow them. I watched the splash of his heavy footsteps until they turned around. With a confused look, he asked, "You're staying behind? You'll catch a cold."

I rolled my eyes. "You didn't say that we were leaving."

He laughed. "So everyone walking away doesn't tell you enough?"

"No," I said a-matter-of-factly, "I need to be told it orally."

"Al, we're leaving." With his tongue slightly out, he asked, "Is that obvious enough for you?"

"Yes, but you forgot one little thing."

He cocked his head. "I did?"

I gripped the wet cuffs of my jacket and looked away. "I prefer being alone."

The cemetery became quiet. It became so quiet that I could hear the sound of leftover rain drops fall off the leaves of the trees. It became so quiet that I could hear the remnants of Dr. Beltran's voice from a distance. But then, I heard laughter.

"Dude, you've to be kidding me," he said, bursting into laughter. I looked back at him to see him with tears in his eyes and hunched over, gripping his stomach. Lazily straightening up, he said, "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. Don't think for a second that I would believe you if you told me that you like being alone. Al, you're the first person I think of when I think of people who hate being alone—you can't deal with loneliness."

Extending a hand and with his signature smile, he said, "Let's stop kidding around already. Let's go home—everyone's probably sick of waiting."

My face broke into a toothy smile once more. Running up to him, without looking back, I took his hand. "Let's go." Looking up at him and thinking back on his words, I felt something overflow within me and once more, something began to fall:

Tears.

~.:.~~.:.~

08/12/17: So, I've finally got out of my writer's block and have decided to write again! As a heads up, I'm planning on continuing with the series while also working on a short story series. It's going to be different in the sense that it'll be a completely different genre, but it'll still be heavily reliant on its characters. If you were following me earlier last year, you might've taken a glance at what it's going to kinda be. However, this time, I decided to go with my initial idea (which I'm not going to tell you). But trust me, it's going to be good, especially if you like drama.

Anyway, I hope you liked this! If you did, please vote, comment—everything and anything helps. Thanks, and I hope you keep reading!