Don't Let Go

Chapter 19

"When's Aaron coming home?" Bradley asked after an awkward silence.

"The day after tomorrow." I said flatly.

"Are you going to school tomorrow?" Bradley asked me. I closed my eyes and groaned. I had been missing school for like a week now!

"Yea I guess I should -" I trailed off.

"Do you need a ride?" he asked.

"I have a car." I said. Bradley nodded.

"Well I'll see you around then?" Bradley asked me. I just nodded. He was going to leave again and I wasn't going to do anything about it. Bradley turned around and walked towards his car. Every time Bradley walked away, part of me felt like Tristan was disappearing on me but another part of me recognized that Bradley was a totally different person and that part of me didn't want Bradley to leave either.

"Bradley!" I called. I wanted him to stay.

"Can you - um how are your parents?" I asked. I couldn't say what I really wanted to. Bradley was about 10 feet from me when he turned around.

"They're coping." he said simply.

"And Lizzie?" I asked, wanting Bradley to keep being here with me.

"She's... confused I guess." Bradley frowned at his words. Neither of us were speaking but we stared at each other. He wasn't very close to me and the sun was shining on him making him a little bit harder to see. Although he was a couple inches taller than Tristan, they were easy to confuse. For what felt like the millionth time in the last few days, Bradley looked just like Tristan and for the millionth time I wished Tristan was still here.

"Okay." was all I managed to say. Bradley continued to stare at me as if he was waiting for me to say something else but I didn't. So he turned around and walked away again. I went back inside and closed the door before I could see Bradley drive away.

I heard my phone make a sound. I walked upstairs and reached for it. It was a text from Aaron. He would be back home tomorrow night.

I recalled what I had said to him two days before. I told him I wanted to be alone. Truth be told, I didn't like the emptiness around me but another part of me knew that Aaron wouldn't make me feel any better. I sighed and threw my phone on my bed.

I pulled out my textbooks and got to work on the plethora of homework assignments that I had missed. I was reading in my History book about some war over 100 years ago and it frustrated me that this what I had to focus on even though Tristan had died. And how could pre-calculus matter when someone was dead? School was so... I don't know the world. It just seemed unimportant.

I forced myself through pages and pages of text and homework. I only stopped when stomach began growling. I glanced at the clock and saw 8:00 PM. Had I really been doing work for that long? It was dark outside as I went to the kitchen to eat dinner.

After dinner I went back upstairs, took a shower and spent the next hour or so looking through Tristan's Facebook pictures. I knew it wouldn't bring him back and I knew it would just make me feel worse, but I was looking for answers in those pictures. I wanted his face to tell me where I was supposed to go from here.

I laid down on my bed and I fell asleep. The next morning I woke up at 7 AM even though I hadn't set my alarm. I got up, got ready and went downstairs. I didn't know what was going to happen at school. I knew that everyone knew what had happened to Tristan but did they know we were together? What would they say? What would they do?

I got into my car and drove to school. When I reached school, my first question was answered. I walked through the halls and people were staring at me, as if waiting for me to break down in tears. I stayed silent throughout my classes and my teachers left me alone. A few of my friends came up to me and tried to console me but as I spoke to them I felt a lack of connection and a distance in between us. Being with Tristan and then losing him changed me a lot. I didn't understand the people around me anymore.