Harry's Notebook

Chapter 22

“Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me” I sang. “Happy birthday stupid Louis, happy birthday to me” the cold night air numbed my cheeks as I walked in the dark London. I don't even why I decided to walk, it's freaking cold outside.

I couldn't feel my fingers and my coat didn't keep the heat in. but I should not complain, I've walked past homeless men and women, sitting down curled to a ball in the freezing december air.

I could feel my legs give up but I was almost there. My muscles protested when I ran the last bit, clumsily with my big boots in the deep snow. I brushed the snow away from the stone and sat down in front of it.

“The other boys aren't here, but that's okay. It's you who I want to spend my birthday with” I told Harry. He wasn't here so I stroked the stone as I waited. “I'm twenty two, how crazy isn't that?” the laugh I had died long before it was heard, just a breath that was harsher.

I looked at my phone, it was almost four in the morning but I wan't tired. The small street lamp gave the grave yard a ghosty light, I shoved my fingers under my coat and waited for Harry to show up.

He never did.

“Louis?” I blinked and groaned at the stiffness in my neck.

“Thank God you're here, we were so worried!” I squeezed my eyes shut before looking up, meeting Liam, Zayn, Niall and Angel's worried faces. I rested my head against the cold stone and eyed the boys.

“Have you been here the entire night?” Zayn asked, bending down and dusting the snow away from my head and shoulders. I shook my head. Why are they here? I don't want them to be here.

As if Niall could read my thoughts he spoke up. “We came by your flat and you wasn't there and then Angel came up and asked what we were doing” all eyes on Angel, the boy's grateful and mine confused. “He was the one who said you'd probably be here”

They sat down, not caring about getting wet. It felt wrong having us all gathered without Harry, even more wrong with us all and Angel, like he was supposed to take Harry's place. I just wanted to be alone but at the same time my mind screamed, don't leave me, please I don't want to be alone.

I was so confused and all I could do was nod and glance down at my hands. It felt silly of us to be together on my birthday, it's not like they could wish me a happy one. Maybe I should just go home and then ask John for some sleeping pills. I eyed Angel and decided that, no I would not do that. I promised.

We sat in silence, it was like they waited for me to say something. Like I would blow up if they said the wrong thing. I wanted somebody to hold me. I wanted Harry to hold me.

I'm here

I smiled and turned to the left, he sat there and I couldn't help but laugh at the silly little party hat he always wore this day. He held his hands outstretched they were empty but they held a promise that if I would fall he would be there to catch me.

“Is Harry here?” Angel asked carefully, scooting closer to me and the others looked at each other. I nodded. Zayn took my hand and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

It's just Zayn. I had to repeat in my head, not John who will hurt me or the men outside the club, not Eleanor or even Angel. It's Zayn, my brother.

“Do you see him often?” Liam asked, fiddling with his gloves.

“Yes”

It went silent at that, only the wind blowing in our ears. I closed my eyes again, my hand still in Zayn's. I must have fallen asleep again cause the next time I woke the sun was out and I could hear the low murmuring of the boys.