Tales of a Triangle and a Pine Tree (BillDip oneshots)

Story 7

Dipper frowned at the empty seat across from him at the table. Sighing slightly, he placed his spoon down in his soup bowl, having lost his appetite after only two bites.
"Papa, what's wrong?" Libra asked with a frown on her five year old face. She stuffed more bread in her already full mouth and waited expectingly for Dipper's answer. He gave her a small smile.
"Nothing sweetie. It's fine."
"Yeah Libby, Papa's fine!" Leo interjected. He accidentally hit his soup bowl with his elbow, causing the bowl to fly into the air and shatter on the ground, spilling the tomato soup inside all over the floor. Dipper, to his horror, found himself blinking away tears. He was exhausted from a long day of teaching, and had come home to find that Bill was not only not there, but had failed to pick up the kids from school, resulting in the three of them having to walk home.
"Good job Leo." Orion said flatly, staring at the mess on the floor.
"Whoops..." Leo said weakly. He looked at his twin, who "accidentally" pushed her bowl off the table too.
"There! Now Papa can't punish just you!" she said cheerfully. Dipper had to smile faintly. That was something that he and Mabel might have done for each other.
"Stop breaking things you two. Rion, please don't follow their example." Dipper ordered.
"I won't!" Orion said smugly, pride flooding his seven year old face. Dipper got to his feet, and retrieved a roll of paper towels and a washcloth. He placed the broken bowl shards in some paper towels, accidentally nicking himself on some of the sharper edges. Wetting the washcloth, he mopped up the spilled soup. As soon as he was finished, Leo and Libra leapt out of their seats and raced off do who knows what. Orion finished his meal in the next thirty seconds, and Dipper excused him from the table. He himself continued to sit there, poking forlornly at his now cold meal with his spoon. He glanced up at the clock. It was nearly seven thirty, where the hell was Bill? Dipper pulled his phone out of his pocket and called the missing dream demon.
"Yellow?" came the sound of Bill's voice.
"Bill, you were supposed to be here over a-" Dipper began, only to be cut off by cackling laughter.
"HAHAHAHAHA you idiot this is a recorded message! I have no idea what you just said! Hope it wasn't important! It would be a shame if you forgot it! Remember, reality's an illusion, the universe is a hologram, buy gold, never contact me again unless you're Pine Tree!" A tinny voice told Dipper to start recording his message at the tone. Dipper was so pissed that he had forgotten about Bill's obnoxious voice mail recording that he hung up in anger.
"A demon. You had to fall in love with a demon." he muttered to himself. "You could have had a normal life with a normal guy or girl, but noooooo, the demon had to show up." Pushing his bowl away, he leaned his head against the cool wood of the table. "And you had to endure pregnancy. Twice. And yet, some how, the demon is managing to be late." Bill was mostly a stay at home parent, doing things like going to the kids' parent-teacher conferences and picking them up from school. But lately he'd started going out more often. And Dipper had no idea why. This was the third time this week that Bill hadn't been home on time for dinner.
"Papa, Libby's accidentally removed the batteries from the remote again!" Leo's voice called from the living room.
"I did not! That was you!" Libra shot back. Dipper stood up, and placed his still full soup bowl by the sink. He wasn't hungry anyways. He marched into the living room, and found Leo and Libra staring at a burnt piece of plastic that used to be the remote control.
"That's... A bit more than the batteries just being removed." he said weakly, collapsing onto the couch.
"Sorry." Libra said, and crawled onto his lap. He smiled down at her.  Leo climbed up beside his sister.
"It doesn't matter. Dad can fix it anyways." he said.
"Yeah! With his magic!" Libra said excitedly. The twins hadn't shown much more than random bursts of magical energy (as illustrated by the destroyed remote) in terms of powers, but Orion definitely had magic and was learning to control it. Dipper stiffened slightly.
"Yes, I'm sure he can fix it. Now you two, start getting ready for bed." he ordered. They scrambled off of his lap and raced off. Dipper sighed, and leaned the back of his head against the wall. Seven forty seven. Where was Bill?! A cold thought struck Dipper. What if he was seeing someone else? Dipper was only a human after all. He could only be so interesting to the demon. Plus, he was sure that Bill got bored by himself while Dipper was teaching at the local high school and the kids were at school themselves. The more Dipper thought about it, the tighter the fist around his heart seemed to clench. It made sense. Getting to his feet, Dipper made his way upstairs. Telling Orion briefly to get ready for bed, Dipper made his way to his own bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face, and glared at himself in the mirror. How could anyone love him anyway? His eyes had dark bags under them from his insomnia, his hair was a mess as it usually was, and his clothes were wrinkled.
"Stupid, ugly, humanity." he whispered to his reflection. Bill's human form was sinfully beautiful. It was no wonder that Bill was probably cheating on him. A door downstairs closed, and Dipper jumped at the sound. Figuring it was one of the kids, he went downstairs to see what they were doing. Instead, he found a slightly guilty looking dream demon, with messed up blonde hair and a tired looking expression.
"Sorry. Lost track of that metaphor you call time." Bill said, poking Dipper's cheek affectionately. Dipper recoiled as if stung, and Bill's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Pine Tree-"
"That's the third time this week, Bill! The third time that you haven't been home! Need I mention the fact that the kids walked home from school today because someone wasn't there to pick them up?!" Bill smacked his forehead in realization.
"Fuck, I was supposed to do that, wasn't I?!"
"Yes, yes you were! And why didn't you answer my call?" Dipper demanded. Bill took his phone out of his pocket and flicked it in annoyance. He really just found it to be pointless, and only had one at Dipper's insistence.
"The stupid wire-box is out of power again."
"Convenient for you, isn't it?" Dipper snapped. Bill's eyes narrowed.
"I don't like your tone, Pine Tree." he said apprehensively.
"And I don't give a shit!" Dipper replied. "Where have you been?!" Bill opened his mouth to reply, but Dipper cut him off. "And who have you been seeing?!" Bill blinked once in confusion.
"What do you mean who have I been-"
"I know what you've been doing! You're cheating on me, aren't you?!" Tears began to form in Dipper's eyes. "I'm just not good enough for you! Is that it? You're always talking about how stupid and weak humans are! Why should I be any different?!" An annoyed expression crossed Bill's face.
"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I-"
"IM NOT OVERREACTING!!! YOURE CHEATING ON ME!!! YOU HAVENT EVEN DENIED IT!!!" Dipper screamed angrily. Bill's eyes flickered crimson.
"I haven't-"
"YES YOU HAVE!!!" Dipper interrupted, tears of betrayal beginning to slip down his face. He wiped them away quickly. "Well, I hope they're a better fuck than I was, because this is GOODBYE and GOOD RIDDANCE!!!" He turned on his heel, and stormed out of the room. All three of his kids were perched on the stairwell, expressions of terror plastered on their faces.
"A-are you and D-Dad gonna break u-up?" Orion asked quietly, voice trembling in fear.
"I... I don't know." Dipper answered honestly. "Go to bed, all of you. Good night." The kids nodded, and Dipper saw Leo whispering comfortingly to his twin sister, who had begun to cry.
"It'll be okay Libby..."
"B-but I d-don't w-want D-Dad and P-Papa to b-break u-up!!!" Dipper winced. He shouldn't have yelled so loudly. Walking the rest of the way up the stairs, he entered his and Bill's room, and quickly shut the door behind him. He jumped and yelped in surprise when the lock turned of its own accord. Spinning around, he found an angry looking Bill sitting on their bed.
"You can't just tell me goodbye and good riddance. Nuh uh. That's not how it works!" the dream demon snapped.
"And why shouldn't I? You're obviously happier without-" Dipper began, but stopped as Bill leapt to his feet, and crossed the room in several angry strides. He grabbed Dippers' wrists and slammed them above his head, growling in rather feral manner.
"Don't say that I would be happier without you! What gave you that idea you fucking idiot?!" Bill snarled.
"Maybe the fact that you just called me a fucking idiot! And the fact that you're cheating on me! And the fact that I'm only a weak, stupid human, and you're a beautiful, powerful demon..." Dipper suddenly became acutely aware of the tears running down his face.
"Oh Pine Tree..." Bill murmured, and he buried his face in Dipper's hair, still holding the brunette's wrists above his head.
"Let go of me, Bill." Dipper said harshly, tears continuing to fall. He blinked them away angrily.
"Oh my sweet, sweet Pine Tree... You don't understand, do you my sapling?" Bill said softly.
"I understand that I'm not good enough for you, so if you'll let go-" Dipper was cut off by Bill roughly slamming his lips onto Dipper's cutting off the rest of his sentence. He struggled for a moment, before giving in to the dream demon. He's cheating on you!!! A voice in his head screamed. Why are you setting yourself up for more pain?! Fresh tears began to run down Dipper's face, and Bill gently pulled away from the kiss.
"I haven't been cheating on you." Bill said, and began to kiss away the tears on Dipper's face. "I love you. I love you so, so much. I'm sorry I haven't told you where I've been, but... I didn't want to get your hopes up." Dipper refused to look at Bill, turning his head away slightly. Bill planted another light kiss on the boy's cheek.
"Pine Tree. Mason." The use of his real name startled Dipper into look at the dream demon. "I haven't been here because I wanted to find something to turn you immortal. A spell, or potion, or anything." Bill crushed their lips together again, and Dipper's moan was stifled by the other's mouth. "Because... Once you die... I have eternity... To mourn." Bill mumbled between kisses, each slowly growing more heated. He finally pulled away completely. "I... I don't want to live without you Pine Tree." All Dipper could do was stare into Bill's enticing blue eye, breathing uneven. "And so... I can turn you into a demon." Bill finished. "You'll be immortal and have magic. And... You can stay with me. Forever." A flicker of uncertainty flared up in his expression. "I mean, if you want to. Or something. Forever with me is kinda... Weird and crazy." Dipper pulled his husband closer with a sort of fervor.
"You stupid idiot. I already agreed to forever with you when I married you!" he cried, kissing Bill sloppily in a rush of emotions. Bill kissed back heatedly, until Dipper found himself being shoved backwards onto their bed. He blushed darkly, eyes half-lidded as Bill grinned mischievously, and loosened his bow tie.
"So you'll do it then? Become a demon?" he asked.
"If it means that I won't loose you, then I'd be willing to do almost anything." Dipper replied. Bill practically fell on top of him, and Dipper whimpered as the blonde's hands snuck up his shirt. He gripped Bill's hair roughly in his hands, before sliding them down to toy with the buttons of the demon's  shirt. Shirts came off, followed quickly by pants, and Bill's fingers were just toying with the waistband of Dipper's boxers, when-
"Papa? Auntie Mabel's on the phone. She's screaming for you to talk to her." Orion's voice came from outside the door, trying to open it and failing. Never had Dipper been so thankful for Bill locking anything. Bill gave an almost inaudible whine of disappointment as Dipper shoved him off.
"I'll be there in a second, okay Orion? Tell her to hold on and calm down." he called, quickly sliding on the first shirt and pants he could find. Bill pulled the comforter around him, and pouted, wrapped in blankets. Dipper pressed a kiss to the tip of Bill's nose, then opened the door. Orion was standing there in his navy blue pajamas with a map of the night sky on them. Dipper ruffled his son's hair playfully, and took the phone from him.
"Thanks buddy. Go back to sleep now, okay?" Orion nodded, but Dipper could see when he raced to the twin's room instead, and could see the light coming from beneath the closed door and hear the kids muffled voices. "Hello?" he said into the phone.
"DIPPER PINES, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!" Mabel's angry voice screamed at him. Dipper nearly dropped the phone as he jumped in surprise.
"What do you mean by that?" he asked tiredly.
"I GET A CALL FROM LEO AND LIBBY, BOTH OF THEM IN TEARS, TALKING ABOUT HOW YOU AND BILL WERE SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER AND ARE GOING TO BREAK UP, AND IF THAT'S TRUE-"
"It's not." Dipper said tiredly, running a hand down his face.
"Oh! Uh... Good! Then... Why was it an issue?" Mabel asked in confusion.
"We had an argument, but it's fine now." Dipper answered.
"What was the-" Mabel began to ask, but Dipper didn't hear the rest of the question as the phone was snatched from his hand by a yellow and black boxer-clad Bill with a grumpy expression.
"Everything's fine Shooting Star, didn't you hear Pine Tree?" A pause. "That's nice, I wasn't paying attention, Pine Tree and I have something rather important to finish doing, so bye!" Bill hung up the phone. "She'll be pissed later, but whatever." he said offhandedly.
"Really Bill?" Dipper asked with a tone of amusement.
"Really. Now, would you like to remind me where we were going with this?" Bill purred seductively. He pulled Dipper back inside of their room roughly, and slammed and locked the door behind him.
"Should we be worried that they slammed the door?" Libra asked.
"Nah, I'm sure it's fine!" Leo said.
"Auntie Mabel probably yelled at him. That was a really smart idea to call her, Libby." Orion commented.
"Thanks. I just wanted comfort, but she said that she'd take care of it." Libra said happily.
"Should we check to make sure that they're not still... Fighting?" Leo asked timidly. Orion hopped to his feet.
"I can do it!" he chirruped, and exited the room once more. The twins sat on Libra's bed and waited for about thirty seconds, before Orion returned.
"Papa was screaming... But I'm not sure if it was in anger or not." he reported with a look of grave concern. Leo yawned.
"I'm sure everything'll be fine then. G'night Rion, Libby!" He lay down, and Libra curled up next to him like she did when she needed comfort. Orion turned off the light, before lying down on Leo's bed, and the three siblings fell asleep.

Bonus!
Dipper took a long drink of coffee, thankful for the weekend. He had made the kids pancakes, and they were devouring them ravenously. Bill was still in bed, as he was always lazy the morning after rough sex. That made Dipper blush slightly to think about.
"Hey, Papa? After Auntie Mabel called, were you and Dad still mad at each other?" Libra asked him innocently. Dipper shook his head.
"Everything's fine between us, Libby. Dad and I aren't breaking up. Why do you ask?" he said, and took another sip of the beverage.
"Because Rion said you were screaming, but maybe not in anger?" She phrased it so innocently like a question. Dipper spit his coffee out in surprise.