Tales of a Triangle and a Pine Tree (BillDip oneshots)

Story 30

Pacifica sighed dreamily at a certain boy as Mabel sat across from her and uncomfortably took a long sip of her strawberry milkshake, slurping intentionally through her crazy curly straw.
"Um... Pazzy? You're staring again." Pacifica blinked her long, mascara covered lashes innocently as she grinned and giggled in a lovestruck fashion.
"I know, but it's hard not to!" she said in a breathy tone. "He's just so... Perfect..." Mabel craned her neck around and looked scrutinizingly over her shoulder at the certain boy who had caught Pacifica's eye a few months ago and been the object of the blonde girl's desires ever since.
"He's smacking Bill with his book for pouring water on his head." Mabel replied flatly. "Ooh, stunning." Pacifica rolled her eyes.
"You're just weirded out 'cause he's your brother." she retorted. "You don't see him the same way I do." Mabel took one look at the dopey, lovestruck face that Pacifica was making and promptly muttered
"Thank the Lord for that." She sipped at her milkshake forlornly. When Pacifica had called her up and eagerly asked if Mabel would accompany her to Greasy's, Mabel was thrilled. She had a crush on the blonde bigger than the fucking sun.
...clearly, her affections weren't reciprocated.
Pacifica had somehow found out through her countless connections that Dipper, and his best friend Bill, were hanging around there, and got Mabel to come with her so that she didn't look creepy and lonely. Mabel swirled her straw around in her glass. Pacifica had been staring at and/or gushing about Dipper for the entire time that they'd been there. Mabel curled the ends of her hair around one finger.
At least she got a milkshake out of the deal.
Pacifica gave another dreamy sigh of contentment, and Mabel had to resist thudding her head against the table. She opted to look over her shoulder to see what Dipper had just done that was so worthy of Pacifica's sighs.
"Oh come on Paz, they're spraying each other with condiments!" Mabel objected. "See? That was five packets of ketchup. Susan's gonna have a fit."
"But he's laughing and it's so very cute!" Pacifica replied, giggling ecstatically. As Mabel watched, Bill picked up his napkin and gently wiped some mustard off of Dipper's cheeks. Dipper gave him a grateful smile and said something to Bill that set the two of them off laughing again. Mabel narrowed her eyes.
That... Was suspiciously sweet of Bill.
He'd been her brother's best friend long enough for her to know him pretty well. And Bill was not the kind of gentleman to wipe mustard off of another person's face. He was much more likely to try and smear it in that other person's eyes and laugh as they screech in pain. Mabel's eyes widened as the pieces clicked together in her head.
"Ohmygod, Pacifica, he's gay!" she said with a gasp, looking back at the blonde girl. Pacifica frowned.
"Who, Bill?" she said dismissively. "I'm not too surprised, honestly. Did you see what he was wearing the other day, that pink button up with the blue bow tie and white suspenders–" Mabel didn't let her finish.
"No! I mean, yeah, we all saw that one coming, but not just Bill! Dipper is!" Pacifica's expression morphed from scornful to dumbstruck.
"What?" she demanded. "He can't be gay! He just... Can't be!" The more Mabel thought about it, the more sense it made.
"I think he is, oh my God, he totally is." she exclaimed, as an undertone of excitement that was probably inappropriate considering that Pacifica was sitting in front of her rose in her voice. Pacifica clenched a perfectly manicured hand.
"No, this can't be!" she said, a bit distraught. "Mabel, what makes you think he's gay?!" Her tone was so vicious that Mabel grew a bit defensive.
"Hey, there's nothing wrong with being gay." the brunette replied, tone guarded. "I'm pan, remember?" Pacifica paused for a second, expression softening a bit.
"Oh, Mabes, I didn't mean it like that." she said. "There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, or pan, or any other sexuality. They're all perfectly wonderful." Mabel relaxed, and as she did, Pacifica's emerald colored gaze became steely once more. "That being said, I refuse to accept that Dipper is gay without concrete evidence." Mabel nodded slowly.
"Challenge accepted." the brunette replied mischievously, eyes brightening as an idea dawned on her head. She took a long, slow, sip of her milkshake. "Let's make a bet out of it." Pacifica quirked an eyebrow at her.
"Oh? I'm listening." she replied, lacing her fingers together. Mabel leaned back against the booth's cushion.
"If I manage to collect proof, enough proof to prove that Dipp's gay, you have to do a favor for me. However, if I fail to obtain such proof within a week, and then confront Dipper at the end of it only to discover my error, I have to do a favor for you." Pacifica tapped a finger on her chin, golden bangle bracelets jangling as she did.
"I do hate having to order random strangers to muck out the horse's stalls..." the blonde said, considering the offer. Mabel gulped. Horses were fun! Horse poop was not. Pacifica grinned daringly at Mabel. "I accept." The girls shook hands. "And Mabel Pines, we have to agree to play fair. Neither of us are allowed to try and convince Dipper one way or the other about his sexuality." Mabel flipped her brown hair over her shoulder.
"Fair is my middle name, next to Glitter Queen and Rachel, which is my official middle name!"
"Then my second middle name is fair too!" Pacifica exclaimed. "Pacifica Elise Fair Northwest!" This caused both girls to crack up, and Mabel swore that her heart swelled and was about to burst. Oh how she hoped that her hunch was correct! She loved this girl so much, and she'd smack Dipper (despite it technically not being his fault) if she lost her chance with Paz because of him. Mabel looked over her shoulder at the two boys. Bill had stretched out so that one arm was behind Dipper's shoulders. His fingers twitched, like he was itching to wrap that arm around the brunette boy in front of him. Mabel smiled. Well, at least there was one person she could count on to help her.