An End And A Beginning

Alter End 2 : Memoir of Creation

Life is never been good as of now. People come and go as to indicate change. I whose same, appeared just too sudden and just too hurry to leave.

I remember how the whole country celebrated my birth. Proclaimed me a child of them all. Of how blessed and loved I was. And how ungrateful I was.

Everything is a blurry. I don't remember their faces, their features, their voice and many things that distinguish them; but I remembered they loved me so. Years passed by and all, still I am struggling to recall them. And Time is not a friendly entity for letting the ones I remember slowly vanish and even more unrecognisable than I had them.

I say I remember them, people sees me weirdly because of it. My mind and heart believes they do exist... that there are people who truly loved me. Even if people just call it all a mere daydream of my boredom(loneliness).

Sometimes I am disheartened that everything might be just a delusion of my craving of love. Only these white walls accompanied me for who knows long as I no longer cared about time. It made me think that I am indeed crazy and no longer sane for giving faith to something that is a fragment of my own illusion.

Watching the instruments attached to me and how they monitored me makes me unwilling to let go of that warmth. Life seems to only revolves in these tests they performed on me. Why can't I be like the 'me' in those memories of mine? To be allowed to explore and love.

I am unwilling to accept the norms they set for me. I am free and not their captive nor their lab rat. That I am healthy and fine.

Like the 'me' in that warm fantasy they call, I of this life also have parents and a sibling. But unlike the me of what I have envisioned, they do not love me as one in my dreams.

True they cared. But they are cowards and very distant. I kept wishing they just at least show up at my birthday...that they at least remember me, their youngest.

Sadly, they again won't make it for this year...

Would it be bad to wish for a normal life? I knew I was different since I have memories that I shouldn't have, but it's too much that I am kept like this just because of a uniqueness I have that they don't have. What makes me less human than them?

In this spacious room with only me and this apparatuses as my companions, I could only have fun with a small computer they left for them to test me. At the moment it was not used and very much quiet meaning I could play as much. Thus, me making my fantasy a reality by using this piece of technology.

It had been good for them not deleting the things I did in the computer. As long as they don't interfere and destroy my hard work, then none will be issued to chaos. I believe that my abilities is not just what they have recorded on my files.

Years passed by and I am now at the age where one of my past self had gave birth to our precious child. Even if I did not gave breath of her she is and will always be my child. Though I hope that this time... this point of time I am not forgotten.

With a burst of energy that I have been gathering throughout my life, I left that cage.

Years, decades, century... I believe even longer that those, I entered and exited the pools of reincarnation. Later I got to become stronger each time and finally, I was granted with a wish.

"Child you suffered enough." The void for the first time talked to me. " You deserve to be rewarded for getting this far... A wish is yours. Your wish whatever it may I will do my best to fulfill."

I was not expecting the void to entertain me whose nothing but an insignificant soul of many. My heart is filled with doubts and I am afraid that is just another illusion made to weaken me and destroy me. But the void reassured me.

"Don't be afraid child. I meant no harm. I can only exist in nothingness and not interfere with those beyond me. I have never harmed any living and only accepted them when they are lost. You are not alike them. I saw you go through the endless cycles many times,but your soul never cease and kept on thriving on to the enternity of this vast nothingness."

"My counterparts made a decision to grant you peace, although depending on your choices it will be for enternity or just something that you will have on a moment. What will you choose?"

I though for a while and had flashes of memories of my unforgettable and fond life as Teresa. I long for such live again. Maybe this will make me have it again...

"Okay."

Seems like the endless darkness became warm. The abyss is smiling at me in a way that I only seems to know. With a blink of an eye I was living once again.

"Welcome to the world...our lady..."

°°°°°°°°

Time passed by again and  I saw them again. Even myself of back then, Teresa whom I was long ago. I have seen her again and knows her ending as she knew it well. When she died I came to get her... To give her and myself a peace than I have not experienced when I died. With my hands reaching out to her I said my welcoming words.

"Welcome... Dear Teresa"