Ceaseless Fire

Chapter 21

Chapter 21
Towel

"I don't," I answered, and his lips parted as he heard my answer. "I don't regret making you leave."

Orion averted his eyes away from mine. He licked his cherry lips before biting his lower lip.

My heart feels so happy and hurt at the same time while seeing him disappointed and not satisfied with my answer.

Ano'ng gusto mong isagot ko, Orion? Do you want me to regret? Gusto mo bang pagsisihan kong pinakawalan kita na dahilan kung bakit ka napunta sa iba? Na dahilan kung bakit nawala tayong dalawa?

"That's because I'm proud of whatever you've achieved right now," I added.

Muling napaawang kanyang bibig bago ako binalikan ng tingin. Mukhang hindi niya inaasahan ang aking pahabol.

"If I didn't make you leave before, baka hindi mo naabot ang mga naabot mo ngayon. Baka hindi mo nakilala ang babaeng nakalaan para sa'yo. Baka hindi mo nakilala si Halsey," pagpapaliwanag ko.

His eyes shifted from being in a state of shock to a melancholic one.

Kahit masakit para sa'kin ang mawala siya, masaya naman ako dahil napunta siya sa babaeng nararapat para sa kanya. Alam kong pinahiram lang naman sa'kin siya ng tadhana. Sa pagbitaw ko sa kanya palayo ay iyon na ang simbolong pinapabalik ko na siya sa tunay na nagmamay-ari sa kanya.

He's not really mine to begin with. And I don't want to hold on to what isn't mine. It's like gripping on a stem of rose that's full of thorns. I may be holding on to something beautiful—just like the relationship that we had, but underneath that beauty was an unattractive hand that's coated with blood, as a result of being pricked by the thorns—waking me up from a fairytale like dream and bringing me back to reality. The reality where the rose isn't really for me. He's simply not for me.

Destiny just used him as an instrument for me to feel love and to know about love. He is the best subject of love. I wanted so much to pass that love subject, but I know I won't be able to achieve the requirements and standards for me to pass and be eligible. Wala pa ako sa kalingkingan upang pumasa. Ang pagiging babae lang ata ang ipinasa ko sa listahan. Aside from that, the rest of the lists was filled with red x-marks.

I sincerely smiled at him. "I'm proud of you, Orion," I told him. "And I'm also happy for you."

Muntik nang lumandas ang aking luha mula sa aking mata. Mabuti na lang at kasabay nito ang pag-ihip ng hangin. Natakpan ng aking buhok ang aking mata at nahipan pabalik ang luhang nagbabadya.

Hinawi ko ang mga hibla ng buhok na nakatakip sa aking mukha at inipit sa likod ng aking tenga. Sinikop ko rin ang aking buhok at inilagay sa kanang balikat upang hindi masiyadong magulo.

Tumayo ako at saka pinagpag ang buhanging dumikit sa akin. Pinulot ko rin ang drawstring bag na dala ko at isinukbit sa aking balikat.

"Where are you going?" he asked me.

"Uuwi na ako," sagot ko. Mukhang hindi naman ako makakapaligo ngayon sa laot dahil medyo malakas ang ihip ng hangin. At saka nawalan na rin ako ng ganang maligo. Baka sa susunod na linggo na lang.

"Hindi ka maliligo?" sunod niyang tanong at saka pinasadahan ng tingin ang dala kong bag.

Umiling naman ako at ngumiti. "Sa susunod na lang."

"Why?" he curiously asked. "Is it because I'm here? You're not comfortable that I'm here?"

Maagap naman akong umiling. "Hindi ako makakapalaot dahil medyo malakas ang hangin," dahilan ko. "Ayaw ko namang dito lang sa dalampasigan maligo."