Eyecatching Title (4)

nobody.

im going to vent to myself.
just go.
sensitive themes i guess if you're so bored to read a vent. go make fun of me.

no matter how warm or hot my body temperature is.
im always cold.
i feel so cold.

some people ask for a hug
i dont give it to them

i finally hug them.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU DONT TOUCH ME BITCH!"

my brother moved out.
i said i wouldnt cry.
and now here i am crying.

dad tore his art work to shreds.
why did that hurt so much to watch, his hard work be diminished to scraps.

why did they throw away things that were valuable to him.

did dad even care about him.

brother did horrible things to me.

but i still forgive him, and miss him.

im not used to how quiet it is at night.

i miss him playing music loud at night, i miss the sound of footsteps at night.

now its so silent. and lonely.

i can only think of guilt.

im sorry i was a horrible sister.
i shouldve listened and been nicer to him so he could forgive me.
i wish i had been thankful before he left.

now hes gone.

on the outside im happy and giving a warm smile to someone who needs it.

on the inside, im so bitter and cold, unhappy, sad, negative.

why cant i stop lying.

i dont want mom or dad to know im doing again.

they'll scold me and find out about the marks on my arms again.

i dont want to take medication.

ill feel miserable knowing i cant keep myself to together and handle my emotions, and have to take medicine to balance it out.

i hate having to be me.

get rid of me.

thats a good idea.

hold the your lovers hand at a train station.
stare at their smile and internally whine at the touch of their fingers.
feel horrid guilt, of giving up.
wait for the train.
let go of their hand when the train is arriving.
fall into the tracks.
and say goodbye.

leave a note to someone who would notice you're dissapearance.
run into the highway
smile
and say goodbye.

get into a fight
get severly injured
call your loved one
talk for a while
give in to the amount of blood oozing from your body
leave them hanging on the other end.
and whisper goodbye.

say goodbye.
goodbye.
bye
bye
goodbye.