Mon Chou

Part 2 Rhiley's Journal

My only goal in life was to get Corina Martin to fall in love with me. I have loved her, I fear, far too much for far too long of a time. I’m definitely not the perfect guy for her I’ve realized. She could do so much better than me. I’m afraid if she knew of the mistakes I have made, she would never be able to look at me the same again. I’ve been by her side through everything hoping that maybe one day it will make up for all the wrongs.

            On the first day of the third grade, I remember seeing the most beautiful girl in the world walk through the door. She had to be new. I would have remembered seeing such an amazing face. I knew immediately that it was love at first sight. I may have only been in third grade but it had to have been true. When I went home that day, I told my mom, “I met my wife today mommy.” She was completely confused so I told her, “This girl, I’m gonna marry her someday. She just doesn’t know it yet.” She laughed at me and told me that I was crazy. I made a point to make sure I was her first friend in Pensacola. I wanted her all to myself.

            In sixth grade, I told myself that I was going to ask Corina to the end of the year dance. This was going to be the start of the relationship that I had waited 3 years for. I made sure that no guy in their right mind would want to ask her because they were afraid of me. When I found out that Declan had asked her, I was heartbroken. My spirits were crushed. I felt like she would never say yes to me and that she definitely didn’t feel the same way as me. I didn’t try to ask her out in any way until the day that she went in for surgery. The day after I did the worst thing that I ever possibly could.

                     I was so stressed out and scared. I didn’t want to wait around for her any longer. I didn’t want to be so attached to her if she died. I wasn’t planning on seeing her off, but after what I did the night before, I felt like I had to. I couldn’t let myself not tell her my true feelings if I never saw her again. I thought that my pursuit was hopeless. I wanted something attainable to distract me. I made a huge mistake that I can never take back. I could only hope that she would never tell anyone and I could put it behind me.

 

 

McKenna Birch, or McKenna Bitch as we like to call her, was the school slut. Everyone knew it, even McKenna. If a guy wanted to fool around, they would call her. All of the other guys think that she’s super hot with her double D boobs, platinum blonde hair, and bright blue eyes. I never looked at any girl in that manner other than Corina, so I didn’t have an opinion on her appearances. I was so stressed out, worrying about Corina and all that. I felt that drinking would give me a break from all of the bad thoughts. I went out and got drunk with some guys from my gym class. Drinking wasn’t enough to get my mind off of Corina. Sometime as I was driving home, my course changed and I ended up at McKenna Birch’s house.

            The guilt of my terrible actions drove me into this deep dark hole that I didn’t think I could get out of it. Corina was the only reason that I refrained from putting my father’s gun to my head. My plan for the longest time was to wait for Corina to lose our virginities together, but I destroyed that dream.

            I had wanted to give her everything, including that, but I couldn’t. She deserved somebody that could give her everything, unlike myself. Someone completely dedicated to her, which I proved could not do or be. When she told me that she loved me too, part of me died a little inside knowing that in her head, she has probably committed herself to me. That it would now be so much harder for her to ever love someone else, someone she deserved. I resolved that I would never tell her to protect her from that heartbreak and hopefully, she would never find out.

 

 

            Corina was scheduled to go under at 9:00 am. I woke up at 6:15. Initially, I had no idea where I was. The walls were definitely not the color that Corina and I had recently painted in my bedroom at home. On top of that, I could feel another body next to me. I blinked hard trying to recall the contents of last night. It was still foggy, but when I vaguely remembered going to McKenna’s place and bits and pieces of our dirty deed, I was immediately regretful and utterly disgusted with myself. I jumped out of the bed, inadvertently waking McKenna up and grabbed my boxers. I searched the room for all of the other articles of clothing that I must had thrown off of me last night. McKenna sat up and asked, “What’s the big rush? Got a hot date or something?” I looked at her incredulously.