Mon Chou

The funeral

4 days later, I was still crying non-stop. It was the day of the funeral. My mom had taken me shopping for a new black dress to wear but I was definitely not in a shopping mood. I ended up picking the first dress I tried on just so I could get back home and crawl back under my covers. I was in disbelief and I felt like my heart had been smashed into one million tiny unfixable pieces. I felt like part of me was lost forever. I just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out again. I wanted to die so that I could go to Heaven and be reunited with him. I couldn’t bear the thought of suffering through another day without him. Everything reminded me of him. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or really function at all. I laid in bed all day trying to sleep but ending up just thinking too much or about Rhiley and crying all over again. I don’t know how I managed to get up and dressed for the funeral. I didn’t go to the visitation because I wasn’t ready to go back to his house or see his parents. I wasn’t ready for this either, but I knew that I had to or else I would regret it forever. We got there early because Mrs. Davidson said that there were some things that she had to give me and talk to me about. She ended up having to talk to a lot of visiting family members so she told me that we would just meet up afterwards. Practically the whole school came. People whispered about me and whether or not I would walk at graduation or if I would say anything about him at the funeral. I didn’t care though. I just wanted to get all of this over and go home to get out of the spotlight. All eyes were flashed back and forth from me to the coffin. The girls were all heartbroken for me. I think the whole community was heartbroken for me actually. They all had been crossing their fingers, hoping for us to get together. They were all just as excited as us when we finally did. So it was natural that they would be hurt as well when they heard the terrible news.

            I don’t remember what was said or who spoke during the service because I was focused on the coffin. It was finally becoming completely real. I was no longer as hurt, more numb and lost. When people started to get up, I figured that it was time to do the walk through the family to give our condolences. I got in line and by the time that I got to the Davidson’s, I had almost left the line to go straight home about three times, but I talked myself out of it. I thought that I was done crying but I guess my body changed its mind because when I hugged Mrs. Davidson, the flood gates came down again. When she finally let go of me, I hugged her sister and whispered to her, “You will always be my little sister.” She smiled and I knew my job was accomplished. His dad, who is not usually a very emotional person, gave me a big bear hug and told me that this does not mean that I am allowed to stop coming over to their house as often as I do. I chuckled and said, “Yes sir.” He kissed me on the cheek and told me that he’d see me later. I hung around in one of the offices in the church until everyone left. I ventured out to find his parents. I found them sitting in the first pew holding each other’s hands. When they saw me come in, Mrs. Davidson smiled at me.

            “Come here, darling. Have a seat.” She patted to the space next to her. “I have something things to give you.” She pulled a bag from under the pew and started taking things out of it. She showed me that he wanted me to have his swim hoodie, a framed picture of us that used to stand on his nightstand, his class ring, and a journal.

            “What’s this? I’ve never seen it?” I asked, holding the little book up.

            “I’m not sure,” she said. “But when I found it and read it, I knew that it was for you. Now, I want you to know that we will still always be there for you. We don’t want things to change. I still want to be like your second mother. Come over for dinner every now and then or something. We don’t want to lose you along with him.” I hugged her and thanked her for the things. I got into my car and drove home. I went straight to the backyard and climbed into our old tree house. When I finally reached the top, I sat down and pulled out the journal and I began to read.